Same Mistakes
by StoriesAndHappyEndings
Summary: As a witty, smart mouthed, stubborn teenager, Renesmee figures that she will never be as stupid as the teenage girls of today. She lives with her mum and has never met her father. Not that she ever wants to. As her boyfriend gets mixed up in the wrong crowed she may have to turn to a stranger in her life at her time of need as she learns the strength between a parent and child.
1. Chapter 1

I walked on over to the fridge, open it and sighed. No food. Again. Living with just mom is amazing; having such an immature parent can be fun at times. The way she's my best friend and my mom, the closest person to me in the world is always a bonus, but we never seem to have any food. Grocery shopping as she puts it is my responsibility, since I have all the free time. I never know when to go though, I mean I'm the kid I shouldn't have to go out and buy food! How am I supposed to know what to get?

"Mom we're out of food again!" I yell from the kitchen as I take out the last of the eggs and milk, setting them on the counter

"We have bread, make yourself some toast." As I check the bread I roll my eyes.

"Yeah it's out of date like every damn thing in this house," I yell back. I abandon any thoughts of having breakfast here and start to slip on my boots.

"Here, stop being such a smartass and take this and go buy some food," She hands over what looks like fifty dollars.

"But-"

"Renesmee Just go I don't have time to do it today."

"You want me to go without a list again?" I smirk at her.

"I've made a shopping list; do you really think I'm going to trust you to do shopping without a list again?" She looked at me with hard eyes.

"That was the best three weeks of my life!" I protest, patting my belly and smiling at her.

"You ate nothing but crap, because that's all you bought!" She looked down at me, her face turning hard. I wasn't smiling anymore.

"Yeah but it was pretty funny to see Esme and Carlisle's faces when they came over and you served them little Debbie snack cakes , chocolate chip cookies, smores , and a bowl filled with potato chips ," I giggle, slipping on my other shoe.

"You have no idea how much criticism I got for that Ness," She muttered as she grabbed her keys from the small table in the kitchen that had four chairs squeezed around. It was placed in the middle of the room.

"okay I will be back by six, don't stay out too late with Jake. Please!" She sighed as she grabbed her shiny new high heeled shoes. Mom although she could be as immature as me has quite an important job. She bagged herself a job as one of the managers at one of the biggest companies in town. To say at the least she is bringing in a lot of money. Since it's only ever been just me and mom, we have struggled a bit and money has always been tight, but we've managed. She's managed.

She left the kitchen and shortly after I hear the front door softly _click_ as it shuts. I smirk to myself. Abandoning the money on the table I slip out the back door, running for the woods. It's my only freedom, where I go to think, and be by myself. The woods are at the back of my house. It's not strange not really! I've always had a connection to the outdoors, I love it! I used to camp out sometimes, when mom was working the night shift at the local diner, when Carlisle and Esme would babysit. She hates the outdoors, always saying that it's wet and muddy and nasty to be around. She doesn't see the beauty and the adventure of climbing trees to see over the hills and whatever other scenery gets in the way.

Mother has told me that I get the love of outdoors from my father. That no good gutless bastard. I wouldn't know though, not that I would ever want to know because I despise the fact that I'm probably just like him when it comes to the love of outdoors. I don't want to know him, I don't need to know a coward like him.

I didn't think it was even possible to hate someone I've never met before. Let alone hate someone who's a part of me but the second mum told me what he did, I just knew that I never wanted to know him. See him. Or be part of his pathetic life.

I should have brought a Jacket with me! I knew I should have. Because now I'm freezing my ass off. As I trot through the damp, wet and stinky woods behind my house I smile mainly because this was all mine. It was also where I met Jacob. We were nine maybe ten. I was in the woods and I was lost when I came across a meadow, with a river right next to it. It has to be the most beautiful place I've ever been. Especially in summer when Forks is having half decent weather all kinds of different wild flowers grow. The flowers almost shimmer when it rains and small clear raindrops fall on the flowers petals only to get caught in the sun which makes everything shine. I had ended up sitting there looking at all the little flowers, singing to myself. I didn't sing often only when I was by myself because I didn't really like anyone hearing me, you know it's sort of awkward if someone does.

I had no idea he had been watching me, let alone listening, But he had. It was only after about an hour of him secretly watching me that he tripped over a hidden branch in the ground as he went to walk away. He tumbled to the ground from the bush he had been behind, making me jump and turn around. I can remember jumping to my feet.

Back then Jacob was a thin, tall delicate looking thing. When I first saw him he looked so shy and innocent. His beautiful dark brown eyes almost looked apologetic as he looked up at me from the ground. He had that perfect shiny teeth smile. You know the sort you see on TV. Back then I didn't know what love was, so I just smiled and blushed at him because he was, as you could say a very beautiful child. I walk over to him slowly, being cautious of the boy who just fell out of a bush.

_"Are you spying on me?"_ I asked raising an eyebrow in a sassy, who the hell are you way that I'd seen mom do so many times.

_"I.. I didn't.. I mean.. You have a beautiful voice"_ He stuttered which turned into a low whisper. I was determined to hold my ground; I can remember I wasn't going to be thrown off by his flattery.

_"Well this is my meadow"_ He'd muttered. Sticking his muddy hand in the pockets of his jeans.

_"Oh really?"_ I laughed in my mocking way, giving him that half smile of mine. The one that Esme always told me would get the boys begging at my feet.

_"Yes it is."_ He'd raised his voice, which had taken me by surprise. But again I just laughed at him.

"Why are you laughing at me?" He demanded angrily. His little cheeks going red with what I thought was embarrassment.

_"Because you can't own a meadow, or nature ,nobody can own it, nature owns itself. "_ I said as a matter of fact before sitting down again. After a second he'd sighed then sat down next to me. I smiled to myself.

_"Yeah I guess,"_ He'd muttered as he took the little backpack he had on his back off.

_"Want an apple?"_ he asked politely, giving me the option of a red or green apple. I took the green one.

_"So, what's your name?"_ I asked through a mouth full of apple.

_"Jacob, you?"_ He asked as he munched on the red apple he had in his hand.

_"Renesmee"_ I said out loud a rather too loudly. Jacob's head turned quickly to face me. He lifted his eyebrows up, his face a picture of amusement.

_"What?"_ he almost laughed out loud. I can remember feeling my whole face fall. Not this again. Yes my names funny, but it has sentimental value.

_"Don't you dare laugh, stalker boy."_ I'd spat out at him. He'd put his hand up in front of him meaning 'no offence intended'

"Sorry." He said, biting his lip a little. I sighed.

_"Whatever."_ I muttered. We sat there for a little longer. Not talking, just watching the amazing landscape that stretched out for miles and miles.

_"Do you want to go on a walk and get to know each other?"_ Jacob had asked a little light heartedly. But it made me smile, it had been exactly what I had wanted to do.

_"Sure why not,"_ I grinned as I stood up. Jacob followed my lead into the forest, from which we got lost our parents had to put a search party together to find us. That was the first time me and Jacob got in big trouble but it wouldn't be the last. All the same though, I knew I'd had made a new friend.

That was years ago and now Jacob has saved my life so many times. I've honestly stopped keeping count. Years have gone by and all we've done is grow closer. That meadow, well it's our little hide away. The place we'd go to chat, to tell each other our problems, our secrets. It was our meeting place if anything ever happened. I remember once, I'd had a huge argument with mom . It got to the point where she shouted at me and told me that I was just as selfish and stubborn as my dad. She told me she didn't want to look at me. So I ran. I texted Jake to meet me in the meadow, our meadow and that's where I ran to. He was there of course, waiting, sat on the grass with a green apple just for me. That was the first time I realized how much Jake meant to me, or at least how much I meant to him. I mean what other guy would sneak out at eleven at night in his PJ's just to meet me in the woods?

I sat and ate my apple and told Jake all about it. He sat there contently and listened to me bitch about how unfair my life was. As I jabbered on I just couldn't help thinking that Jake was the only guy I feel comfortable around. I mean we weren't kids anymore. Not ten years old. More like thirteen. It made me realize that Jake was a guy, a guy that I happened to really really like... We had our first kiss that night, well it defiantly shut me up. Of course after he convinced me to go back home. Which I did.

It's so nice being in love with my best friend. You got to love your best friend. Right? I mean they're your best friend for a reason. You trust them because you know they'd never let you down. They're so much like you that you feel like no one could understand you but them. That's why Jake is so perfect. I know him like the back of my hand. I don't need to worry because I already know that I trust him completely.

"Hey beautiful!" Jacob's enthusiasm is noted as his beautiful, white teeth smile forms on his face.

"Hey you," I muse as I sit down on the slightly damp grass. Then take my green apple from his bag.

"So what's up with you?" Jacob says brightly. His eyes were closed and his face was held high towards the now showing sun in the sky. His perfect light brown skin looked flawless in the sunlight. My recent thoughts of my dad spring to my mind. Giving me a bitter feeling of anger.

"Nothing much," I mutter.

"Cut the crap Swan. Tell me what's on your mind?"

"No, you've heard it millions of times before," I sigh. I shift from my sitting position to lying down next to him on the grass. I pop my head on his chest, so that I could hear his heartbeat. He folds one hand around my waist, holding me to him.

"Your dad again?" He asks.

"I just can't help hating him Jake," I mutter. He can use all of his talent to talk me out of my hatred for my dad but it won't work. I can hate him. I can hate whoever I want.

"Babe we've been through this! You don't know your dad. Okay he was a complete jackass for leaving you and your mom but why do you get so worked up about someone you've never even met? He's not important so stop letting him get to you. He probably doesn't even remember you, so don't let it bother you?" I hated it when he right. When he talks like this, it always makes me look stupid.

"I swear if I ever met him-"

"You'd what? Beat the shit out of him? Ness you're 5 foot 2 and a 100 lbs soaking wet" he joked .

"I can use my smartass mouth !" I joke. Jake chuckles a little. I feel his chest rise and fall as he breathes.

"That you could babe." I feel the smile on his face in his voice. Pride in his girlfriend or humour for my stupidity. Who knows? I'm just glad he finds me so amusing.

"Something funny?" I ask as I take another bite of my juicy apple.

"You of course. My hard headed, strong willed girlfriend." I laugh along with him as he shifts onto his elbows, making me sit up. I stare down at him. Looking at his perfect lips.

"Don't fuck with me Jake or I will kick your ass," I mutter as another wide smile spreads across his face.

"And this is coming from the girl that can't even get a straw into her juice box!" I stare at him and narrow my eyes. Just like mom does.

"Don't start," I sigh, smiling a little sheepishly. I bite my lip trying to stop myself from laughing.

I smile down at him and study his features. His skin in so smooth and his features always look so calm and relaxed. Not a pore, wrinkle , or pimple in sight. He's just so perfect and I know I'm not the only girl that sees it. That's right! I know about all those bitches after my man.

"What?" He chuckles. I blink a few times and break off from my day dream. I smile back at him.

"Nothing just admiring you perfect completion." I put on a fake dreamy voice as well as flutter my eye lashes a few times. Jacob throws his head back as he laughs out loud.

"I am beautiful aren't I?" He asks looking me in the face, raising an eyebrow. We both laugh it off. Leading to complete silence.

"You know I think you're gorgeous Ness." he says, almost a whisper. He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. His index finger then trails down to my bottom lip and then to my neck. He softly pulls my face so that his lips meet mine. Jacob always makes every kiss so special, so delicate but also so perfect. I pull away and lean my forehead against his.

"What with my hazel eyes and my too small of a nose or how my ears are too big and that I have no ass as well as unnaturally big feet."

"You're right I'm dating a freak." He whispers smiling. Wow really Jake you're not supposed to agree with me you asshole.

"You know I'm kidding. Ness you're perfect because of your imperfections!" Jacob whispers close to my face. I breathe in his sweet minty smell.

"I was gunna go to Esme's and get something to eat. You know since there's no food at my house, feel like joining me for breakfast?" I trail of as I move my face around to his cheek. Leaving small trails of kisses from his cheek bone down to his neck.

"Ness baby, please," Jacob muses a little. I bring my face back to his but before I can say something cunning, he wraps his arm around my back. He lays me down and goes on his hands and knees so he's hovering over me in one swift motion.

"Don't do that now unless you want to get into trouble," He says tenderly. I put both of my hands on either side of his face then bring his lips down to mine once more.

"Sorry boss." I murmur against his lips.

"Good girl." He responds then quickly moves of me. The moment is gone. Jacob gets up and then holds his hand out to me. Instead of grabbing his hand like any normal girlfriend would do I jump on his back, getting back into the playful mood that always takes over our relationship .

You'd think that Jacob is a saint. Not likely, we've done it, more than a few times and yeah it's amazing and perfect because Jacob always puts lets my needs before his own . He's nothing but considerate to me while we have sex or in anything else we do but he's always been that way with me even in the beginning, it's like he's perfect. My Jacob, the Jacob I love is perfect to me. He's means everything to me. And then there's the other Jacob that goes out with Sam and his crew. Going out every weekend and getting drunk and smoking weed that's right I know all about it ,I don't mind the drinking I do it every now and again but the weed no way . It's a side to him that I don't want to know about. A person I never want to see.

"You okay up there? You're awfully quiet Ness." Jacob breaks the silence. He continues to carry me through the woods, heading towards the house where Esme and Carlisle lived.

"Yeah I'm fine just thinking, About you and all the stupid shit that u do when you're partying with Sam." I mutter. Jake stops in his tracks and sighs.

"Babe I-"

"Jake I've told you I don't want to hear about it. I hear enough about it at school everyone's always talking about the amazing party that happen over the weekend. where everyone gets so fucked up and that you couldn't even remember your own name. Like I've told you before you can do what you want, you're not my property and I don't own you. But I don't want to hear about your stupidity when you're fucked up and, out with Sam." I rant a little. Jacob doesn't bother to reply, he just starts walking again.

I could smell the delicious odour of Esme's breakfast. I jump off Jake's back and rush in the front door and there it was. The most glorious, mouth-watering breakfast known to man. Well at least known to me and Jake.

"I was wondering when you two were going to show up." Esme smiled lightly as she set out two glasses of orange juice. I take my seat at the table and then dig in. Freshly made scrambled eggs, sausages, hash browns, and toast filled my mouth as well as some bacon.

Jake takes the seat next to me and fills his plate with food. An awkward silence spreads over the room for a while, until Esme breaks the tension.

"So you two okay?" Esme's casual chit chat makes me smile. Always hunting for gossip.

"Yes Esme we're both fine." I smile at her as I finish my food.

"Being safe?" She asks like it was nothing with a delicate raised eyebrow. Jacob chokes on the orange juice he was just drinking. I sigh then roll my eyes.

"How many times do I have to tell you Esme? There are some things that we shouldn't talk about because they're private." I take my plate then place it in the sink before coming and sitting down at the table.

"I know I know. I just, I worry dear that's all. I mean you don't want to follow in your mom's footsteps, you know getting pregnant at sixteen. Please promise me you'll wait." Esme gives me a concerned look as she sips her coffee which makes me smirk a little. I was not as foolish as my mother, Well at least I hope not.

There's nothing to worry about you know I'm not going to be having any babies anytime soon. They're smelly, gross and whiny little things." I scrunch my face up. Esme bites her lip a little as she tries to stop herself from laughing.

"Okay so you love the messy, wet, muddy outdoors but you can't stand babies?" Jacob asks as he looks up from his food.

"You should be happy about that." I say smirking up at him. Jacob coughs to cover up a small laugh.

"I don't know. What am I going to do with you Ness?" Esme sighs a little distantly before she clears up the rest of the plates and cups from the table.

As I get up from the table, I go over to Esme and kiss her cheek.

"I don't know why you worry so much." I mutter as I take an apple then head for the door.

"Because I'm you're granny. It's my job to worry," She says all matter of fact like . I just smile at her before taking Jacobs hand and then leading him out of the house.

"Bye Esme." I shout as I close the door.

Me and Jacob walk in silence back to the meadow. Obviously something's eating at him because he's never usually this quiet. It might just be because he always feels a bit awkward around Esmes and feels intimidated by Carlisle.

Esme doesn't like Jacob. As perfect and beautiful as he is, she still doesn't think I should have a boyfriend. I think that's the main reason anyway. Esme and Carlisle aren't my real grandparents. They've just always been in my life so it's sort of hard to consider them anything but my grandparents. Mom got pregnant at sixteen. Her parents kicked her out and said they didn't want anything to do with her. That they didn't want to have a pregnant teenage daughter to their name, or living in their house. So mom asked Esme and Carlisle If she could live with them. They took her in of course and were more than happy to provide for her. I always wondered why? I mean don't get me wrong, I'm so happy they did and so grateful, but why would they take on a pregnant teen? I mean it's not as though they owed anything to mom or that she was their responsibility. To be honest mom owes them for everything they've done for her and me.

"I'll text you later?" Jacob says brightly, like his mood had lifted. We were standing in our meadow and he was getting ready to go home.

"Okay see you later and, don't get too drunk tonight, please?" I plead with him.

"Okay baby,"

Jacob smiles at me then gives me a quick kiss before jogging in the direction of his house. I stand there and watch him disappear into the woods. Turning on my heel I head in the direction of home.

It was an unusually short journey back to the house and I'm home and in the back door within half an hour of leaving the meadow. I go into the living room and then sink onto the couch. My mind travels back to Jake and the party he was going to tonight.

It's not that I didn't trust Jake. It's his friends that I don't trust. They push him into doing stuff, I just know it. They push him into smoking weed and I know they've tried to push him into the fights that they get in with other people, he never does though. He's not that foolish. He does some of this stuff it because he doesn't want to look like pussy in front of them. He thinks it's a good thing being with them, that they'll help him fit in and be liked. His whole attitude changes with them. He's not my Jacob any more. They're rude, mean and cruel and their bad attitudes have rubbed off on him. Sometimes when he's around me I notice his now harsh tongue, how he's cocky. How he laughs at my shocked face when I can't quite believe what had just come out of his mouth. His humor isn't funny anymore. Its hurtful and when he's drunk he treats people like shit. He laughs at the fucked up, mean, shit his friends do to people who can't defend themselves. Then posts pictures on facebook showing what they've done. It's the weed I tell myself. Really it's him falling into their trap .

"Ness you home?" James calls as he shuts the front door.

"Yeah in here," I yell back. James trots into the room and then sits down on the couch beside me .

James was mom's boyfriend. He Is a little bit younger than her, but that didn't mean he wasn't more mature than she was. Seriously when I say this I mean it; this man is a saint! Without him mom wouldn't have the little bit of responsibility she does. She wouldn't know right from wrong. I like James, he brought security to the house. James has been in our lives for the past five years. We clicked instantly. He's tall with tanned skin. His hair is a sort of natural sandy colour which goes so nicely with his green eyes.

"Did you get it?" I ask him as I sit up and eye the small bag he had placed on the table.

"Yeah want to see?" His half grin was infectious and it made me break out into my own little grin. He grabs the bag and then carefully pulls out the small black box that was inside. Cautiously, like he thinks the little box and what's inside were going to break, he opens it. My grin grows wider. James laughs a little and so do I. I look at the little ring again. It's slim and silver with a small single crystal shaped like a heart on it. Mom's engagement ring.

James left soon after showing me the ring. He got a call from work saying they need him to go in and since he's just brought a pretty pricey ring he figure he needs the money. This means I'm left alone. Again. Summer break is my favorite time of the year, what I hate though is having nothing to do, TV shows and the internet can only go so far. As my mood has been lifted from the previous stupidity of my boyfriend, I decide to get up off my ass go shopping for mom.

Peas, a can of creamy mushroom soup, corn, hamburger meat, mashed potatoes and some cheese. Looks like mom is going to attempt to make shepherd's pie. Again. I think the crappy frozen stuff that the stores make is better than moms cooking.

"Guess who," Hands go over my eyes and I stop mid stride while searching for some bread.

"Jessica maybe?" Giggling starts up behind me and the hands are removed from my eyes. I started to walk along the isles again and she catches up, walking by my side.

"So how's it going chick?" Jess says as she reaches up and grabs some bagels from the top shelf and places the packet in my basket.

"Good, bored. Hey are you going to that party tonight?" I ask casually as I go to the end of the isle and grab some milk from the cooler.

"Yeah, I mean you should tag along! It's not as though you're not invited." Her pleading smile showing at this point, but going to a party is not my intention.

"No that's okay, Just keep an eye on Jake for me? Please?"

"Ness you know there's no stopping him when he's drinking" Jess says straining a little as she reaches across the fruit and veggies counter to grab some bananas.

"Can you at least try?" I beg as I grab some other fruit and pop them into a brown paper bag.

"Ness, I doubt he'll even listen to me, you on the other hand.." She trails of. I sigh then stop to pick up some onions.

"You know I really hate it when you use Jake against me, to get me to do what you want!"

"Does this mean you'll come to the party?" she asks stopping in her tracks and pulling me to face her.

"What time does it start?" I ask giving her a little smirk.

"That's my girl." She giggles lightly. Jess takes my hand and drags me around the rest of the store so I could pick up everything that was on the shopping list. I paid quickly and eventually Jess was dragging me back to my place so she could pick out an outfit for me.

"What do you mean you don't own a dress?" Jess utters with complete disgrace.

"I don't wear dresses," I reply simply as I shut the front door and go into the kitchen to put the groceries away.

"Well, it looks like I have a lot of work to do." Jess mused as she leans against the door frame of my kitchen door. I sag a little, I know I'm in for a rough few hours.

Jess drags me up the stairs into the bathroom and starts a full beauty treatment. She waxed my eyebrows, put some sticky, stinky, gooey tanner all over me and straightened the fuck out of my hair.

"I don't see why you don't do this more often Ness, you look amazing!" Jess breathed as she studied her handy work. I on the other hand felt exposed and awkward standing in the center of my room wearing only my bikini.

"To much work Jess," I smirk as she grants me permission to sit on my bed now that the tan has dried.

"Yes well you need to make an effort to impress my friend," Jess rummages through my makeup bag and set out a row of different coloured foundations.

"You're so lucky you tan easy," She says almost to herself. She picks out the colour that she feels will suit my now bronzed skin and starts her project on my face.

"So how are you and lover boy Is the sex still good?" She asks as she starts to apply eye shadow. I manage to glimpse at her face as she tries to keep in giggles. I pull back and look at her whole face. She smirks a little.

"what do you want me to say Jess? Yes the sex is fucking amazing, but I'm not you okay? Just because I'm comfortable doing it with Jake doesn't mean you automatically have to be with Mike. Okay you need to take your time, I shouldn't have to tell you anything! You will do it when you're ready." I breathe some air into my lungs and look at her with stern eyes.

"Thanks mom," She mutters going back to my eye shadow.

"You know I'm right!" I muse as she finishes one eye and then goes onto the other.

"Yeah and I hate it when you are!" Jess sulks. I smirk up at her. I settle down so she can finish the rest of my makeup. I guess being pampered isn't that bad.

"Okay now time to pick some clothes, I mean you must have something good to wear."

"Good luck," I lie back and close my eyes while she searches through my never ending supply of Jeans. I've just never been one for getting dressed up all slutty like. I'm happy with my jeans and a nice t-shirt or top. Not the standards that my dearest friend has.

"Aha!" She laughs rather excitedly. "What's this black, short, pencil skirt doing in here tucked away missy?" with her eyebrows raised and a small black skirt in her hand Jess turns to face me.

"I don't wear skirts." I say defensively sitting up and trying to look innocent in my skimpy bikini.

"You do now," She laughs, throwing it at me. She then proceeds to throw a small lacy, frilly half top at me that barely covers up my belly.

"I'm not wearing this!" I protest throwing the top back.

"Oh yes you are! Wear it or you don't leave this house alive," She says in a playful threatening tone. I sigh, grab the top and some underwear then trail off into the bathroom to change.

Once I come out I find Jess on the floor straightening her own wavy hair. She really was a piece of work that girl, but she honestly is one of the prettiest girls around. That's not me over exaggerating because I'm her best friend because I know I'm not the only one who feels that way. She has this beautiful, warm smile that reaches all the way up to her beautiful blue eyes. Her skin is just a shade of heaven, it glows with flawlessness, much like Jakes skin there isn't an imperfection in sight. She has the longest pair of freaking legs ever. Jealousy just sweeps over every girl that sees her because even on a bad day Jess can make herself the most desired girl in forks. She's just living proof that pure and true beauty does still exist and it's not just air brushed girls posed all over magazines in revealing clothes that is a symbol of beauty today.

"What do you think?" I ask posing like one of those air brushed models on a billboard, looking into the distance as if I'd just seen the most amazing thing ever.

"Aha, look at you! Do you feel good? I bet you do! See getting dressed up and looking nice is good sometimes!" The quick motion of her mouth almost blended her words into a mush of gibberish because she was talking so fast. She was right though, I did feel nice.

"okay, We're all done here! You just put those nice black pumps on and we'll get our little asses over to my house so I can get ready." She packs up my stuff, while leaving me to look at the fucking heel on those shiny shoes. Shoes I hid at the back of my closet for a reason.

"Come on, put them on," Jess pushes as she grabs her coat from my bed then goes to my closet and picks out a jacket for me. I moan bitterly to myself as I slip on the shoes.

I thank the heavens as Jess' dad pulls up outside my house so we don't have to walk. Since I'm seriously unstable in these shoes. "You'll get better!" Jess keeps saying to me as she holds me up so I don't fall on my ass. I allow Jess to walk out of my room and reach the top of the stairs before I call back and say I need the bathroom. Jess, sighs and huffs then whines a little about how she didn't want to be late. I don't care. I just need some flat shoes for a little bit of reassurance. So I scuttled over to the closet and took out a plain pair of black, flat shoes and slip them into my bottomless bag. I hated parties and I hate ridiculous shoes that girls wear to parties. I practically flop on my bed as I tried to avoid tripping over the numerous amount of clothes that lay scattered all over my floor. Who said girls were tidy? Obviously not me. I pull myself together, breath in and then will myself to be confident. I can walk in these shoes and completely own this stupid outfit. Hopefully I can look sexy while doing it. Hopefully.

Twenty minutes. Twenty minutes it took me to get down those stairs in those stupid shoes.

"See I told you you'll-"

"Jess shut up."

Jess pushes her mouth in a hard but delicate line and then helps me down the last stair. I smooth down my clothes hair and then smile. No broken bones. Now I just have to defeat those stairs going down from my front door.

"Ness, I think you should take those shoes off," Jess says. I look at her with a raised eyebrow.

"For the safety of everyone at that party, take those shoes off and burn them!" she mutters before heading back up the stairs.

"Where are you going?" I call with my brow furred. Slowly but surely I sit my ass down on the bottom stair and take of the demons from below.

"Now these are what a clumsy starter needs like you Ness," I look up to see Jess smoothly come down the stairs with a pair of high heeled shoes with a smaller heal on them. They had straps that go around the ankle. At least these won't come of my feet.

"And where did you get those, they certainly aren't mine."

"Your mom's room," I stare at her, almost shocked at the audacity she had.

"Jess if they break I might as well not come home."

"You're moms not wearing them and therefore will not miss them, put them on and hurry up, I actually want to get too this party sometime today."

Her small ass wiggled as she trotted out the door. I look at my feet and wiggle my toes. Much better. I can stand and walk around, maybe even look half decent in these shoes. Grabbing my black blazer off one of the coat hook I proceed to walk out the door. Heal toe, heal toe. See this isn't that bad.

Being extremely thankful for the shoe change I climb into Mr Stanley's car. I felt over exposed and embarrassed to sit next to Jess who was still modestly dressed. I couldn't meet her father's eyes.

"Have you ever been to a party before?" Jess asked breaking the awkward silence with a dumb question.

"Yes." As the designated driver. _Sober friend_

"Have you ever got drunk?"

"Jess?" I whisper looking at her with desperation too not do this here while her dad was sitting the front seat.

"Well?" She smiled at me easily. Obviously she wasn't getting the awkwardness of this, or maybe she was trying to make me uncomfortable. I roll my eyes at her persistent face then shake my head yes. A smirk took over her face and then she sat back facing straight ahead. No ten minutes have ever been so awkward and tense, the fear that Mr Stanley was going too just stop the car and tell me to get out over the conversation hovered in my mind. So when we pulled up outside Jess' house I was ever so thankful. She got out first and ran too her house, no doubt she already had the perfect outfit planned out in her head already. Ten minutes she said she would be. Ten minutes of awkward silence waiting for her in the car, with her dad.

"Don't let her, or anyone push you into drinking tonight Ness," He said completely out of the blue in a voice that sounded almost muffled.

"I, uh, I won't," I say with a small smile, in which he returned. We both then proceeded to look out of a car window. Raindrops started to appear.

"All ready?" Mr Stanley asked as Jess slipped into the car wearing the shortest, silver, strapless dress I've ever seen. She compliment it with a black blazer of her own and high heels that were twice the size of mine.

"I swear," Her dad muttered. "Anyone would think you were twenty one not sixteen."

We were dropped off at the party. I had no idea whose house it was, but it was big. Easily seven bedrooms if not more. What an elegant house to be ruined by a party with a shit load of drunk teenagers. Myself and Jess walked into the open front door. Instantly I was hit by the loud music and smell of alcohol. Already there looked like there had been a fight since a table lay broken in two with bits of glass and china scattered around it. Jess grabbed a boy by his arm and asked him what had happen.

"Just a drunken fight, one guy threw a cup of beer at another dude, so he grabbed him and smashed him into the table," His eyes trailed from Jess too me and his lips curved into a one sided cocky smile.

"Hey you," Jess clicked her fingers in front of his face. "She's spoken for,"

"Oh, so anyway, do you want to get a drink?" He asked Jess as he leaned against the door frame. That cocky grin coming onto his face again.

"In your dreams loser."

Jess pulled me past him. We managed to slide our way out into the yard where even more people were drinking and making out. I want to go home. Shouting came from our left and both of us turned. There on the diving board that was above the swimming pool was Jake. Standing on wobbly legs, with a drink in his hand edged closer to the end of the board.

"Back flip," Started out as a mere yell and then turned into a chant. Before I could protest or even shout at him, Jake up was doing a back flip into the pool. My heart launched out of my chest. What if he did it wrong or missed the pool. But he didn't. His head surfaced and with an almighty 'WOOO' from Jacob's lips, cheering, laughing and clapping erupted from the crowd .

Relief swept over me and I found myself clapping and laughing too. Jake dragged himself out of the pool. He pulled off his top revealing his six pack. Girls giggled and clapped and then I saw her. Lucy Jones. Slut, tramp and Jacob hunter. She bit her lip and looked at him in that hot Smokey way that gets her laid whenever she wants. She started to strut towards him. I looked at Jess, Jess looked at me. She pushed me towards Jacob. I started to walk fast and confident too Jake so that Lucy wouldn't be able to. Just as she was nearing behind him, I grabbed Jake's face and brought him into a kiss. His arms went to my waist. As always, making butterflies rise in my belly. He broke of the kiss then looked at me and smiled.

"You're all wet," Was the first thing that I could manage too say. I was cold and my feet were already hurting.

"And you look hot,"

"Surprise," I bit my lip and turn around in a small circle. Showing him how little of an outfit I had on.

"Let me just go get dry or something and then I'll come find you." He said giving me a small peck on the cheek before wandering off into the house.

Smiling secretly to myself I looked around for Jess. My brain was screaming at me to be mature about this and not get caught up in this party, but I couldn't help it.

"Well don't you look cheap."

"And how many times have you been pregnant?" The smartass tone in my voice was perfect as I turned slowly around to face Lucy. Her long legs were on full show as she was wearing a small blue dress that barely covered her breasts. She had a nice face. It would probably look nicer if it wasn't so caked in makeup.

"Says the sad little virgin." Her fake laugh matched her fake, pathetic smile.

"Well compared too you everyone's a virgin," I said as I started to stare at a blatant orange spot on her face.

"What are you staring at?" She demanded putting her nasty little hand on her stupid hip.

"The orange spot on your face bitch. You know I bet I could literally scratch the makeup off your face," turning and walking away I had a smile of triumph on my face. I had no idea where I was going so I just wandered into the house, hoping that there was something to drink besides alcohol. I fumbled through two rooms before I came to the kitchen. Before I could go in however someone caught my arm.

"And where are you going?" Jake said with a smile in his voice. He was wearing a new pair of shorts with flip-flops, his chest however stayed bare.

"Looking for you, and a soda." I say as he claimed my waist with his big strong arms. In return I put my hands on his chest.

"So are you drinking tonight?"

"And who gave you that silly idea?" I laughed.

"Come on Ness live a little," I looked at his pleading eyes and knew I had already given in.

"Fine,"

Jake smiles at his little triumph and drags me into the kitchen. Taking two cans from the fridge he opens them both and pushes one into my hand.

Throughout the night various drinks and shots were pushed into my hand in which I started to consume willingly. I hadn't planned on it but I was pretty sure I was drunk. I would not however let Jake go anywhere without me, I couldn't risk a drunk Jacob running into a long-legged Lucy.

"And this must be the legendary Nessie," A mystery guy from behind me said. Before I had even turned fully too face him, he had already pushed a can of beer into my hand.

"And you are?"

"Well I'm sure my boy here has told you all about me?" He slapped Jake's back in a friendly manner.

"oh let me see the one and only Sam ?" I ask with sarcasm. He wasn't what I had imagined, he wasn't big and strong. Just tall with broad shoulders.

"Yeah you enjoying the party?" Obviously he missed the sarcasm all together.

"I was," I muttered.

"What was that supposed to mean?" He almost looked hurt. I was feeling confident I didn't know if it showed it on my drunk face but I didn't care. I stepped forward so that I was in front him and then smiled.

"I don't like you," I say out loud as I tap a finger on his nose.

"Wow you really are an ugly looking fella aren't you?" I was talking but there was no thinking process into the words I was speaking. Still I carried on.

"How many girls have you fucked and then left, never too call them again? Too many I assume. I'm hoping that Jake has more sense than to follow in the path of an idiot like you. Hope someone knocks you on your ass so maybe then you'll know how it feels to be pushed around. To be honest Sam, you're really not a nice person."

Jake pulled me away from Sam's shocked face. I could feel the genuine smile on mine as Jacob turned me too face him.

"Now I see why you don't drink." He muttered.

My head was thumping, after that last shot I was pretty sure I blacked out. I can remember climbing on the kitchen counter, probably screaming something unrecognizable while the crowd chanted for me to drink more.

I sat on a bed in a bedroom on the third floor. It was nice and warm. The room was painted a shade of cream that made me want to throw up.

"I came here too look out for you," I mutter as Jake hands me a cup of water and then goes to the bedroom door and locks it. He sits down next to me, cuddling in close.

"But look at me I'm a light weight."

"No you're just having fun. Even though I've had to drag you around to keep you out of trouble it's been nice seeing you smile and be all care free! You should be like this more." Jake smiles at me and I smile at him back.

"Maybe I'll come too more parties with you, but keep the drinking to a minimum." I laugh lightly. Jake pulls me into a small kiss. His tender lips part from mine and just as they do I rest my forehead against his. His hands go too my waist. The skin on skin contact makes me shiver with delight. I place one hand on his head and let it get tangled in his hair while my other hand still holds the cup of water.

He reaches forward once again pressing his lips too mine. This time I keep his lips, claiming them. Jake takes the water from me and throws the paper cup to the floor. I hear the water splash all over the fluffy carpet, but I don't care. The only thing that seemed too matter was him and I.

His hands waste no time and go to the hem of my top. With one smooth motion he'd taken the top over my head and was pulling me into his lap.

It felt so good to straddle his lap and be dominant. He let my lips trail from his so that I could kiss his sweet neck. Slowly I made my way from the bottom of his neck to his ear and start to nibble on it a bit. His breathing quickened and his hands started to trail along my legs.

"I want you," Those three words coming from my mouth. They were enough to throw him of the edge.

Jacob picked me up, all the while kissing me again. He laid me on the bed and set himself on top of me. No weight however was pushed onto me. Jacob's quick movements had already taken my bra, skirt and now my panties. With shaky hands of excitement I push down his boxers and the shorts that he had borrowed. Leaving him naked.

I scratch his back with utter pleasure as he enters me.

Jake kisses me tenderly, we lay in the big double bed all cuddled up. It was nice until a series of loud banging started coming from the other side of the door.

"Ness? Are you in there? Get your ass out here now." Fuck Mom. Grumbling I get out of bed quickly and retrieve all my clothes then slip them on.

"Shit is that your mom should I like hide in the bathroom or something?" I just look at him and roll my eyes, suddenly I didn't feel so good.

"No Jake she's not stupid she knows you're in here as well." More banging came from the door, it vibrated in my head giving me a migraine.

"Stop your freaking banging, I'm coming now." That of course was not enough for my mother since the door smacked open, hitting the wall with a nasty bang.

"Out, now." She was keeping her temper at bay, as a very startled and naked Jacob looked at her with utter shock and embarrassment. I walked out of the room, trying to keep my head down. Everything was silent. Smirking and laughing started up from all angles of the halls as I walked after my mom .

"Busted, you little bitch." Sam's voiced roared over the crowd and then of course laughter erupted. I scrambled quicker after my mom and out into the cold.

"No phone call, no fucking text ness, what the hell is wrong with you?" She shouted. Still not out of ear shot from the surrounding party who had followed us out.

"You could have called, or maybe asked Jess' dad, I mean he dropped me off mom.

"I couldn't get hold of anyone that knew where you were! I got home and the damn house was empty Ness, do you know how worried I was? or Esme and Carlisle?"

"Sorry, it's not as though I wasn't safe." By now her face was red. She had stormed over to the car, motioned for me to get in with one finger and then got in herself. The buzz must be making me brave.

"It's not the fact that you were at a party. Or even that you were drinking. Okay, it was that I had no idea where you were! You weren't picking up the phone Ness." Suddenly I felt weak and sick. I was suddenly in no mood to argue my case.

"Alright calm down." I mumble.

"You know what. You're grounded. I fucking hate this attitude on you and quite frankly you will learn. I'm sure in the morning you'll be doing nothing but apologizing." That was the end of the conversation. I couldn't argue, I felt sick and I just really wanted my bed.

Taking comfort in the ice cold windows that my head was leaning against I tried to not throw my guts up. It didn't work.

Just before we rounded the corner to our street, I opened the door and threw up. Mom had to stop the car suddenly and cursed at me for giving her no warning and for being stupid.

"You'd prefer me to throw up in your car?" I ask angrily as I stomp up to the front door. James opens it before I can knock. I knew that he was going to give me a lecture and I was in no mood. So I push past him rather rudely and say "don't even fucking bother."

I needed alone time with my bed. So as soon as I get to my room I lock my door. Being drunk and naturally clumsy didn't do wonders for me and so as I tried getting dressed into my PJ's I stumbled across my room knocking things over.

"Ness keep it down." My mom's voice came from the bottom of the stairs With Irritation in her voice.

Hairband. I need a freaking hairband. In search of a hairband to tie back the ridiculous amount of hair in my head, I decide to look in my mom's box in my bathroom. There it was a picture of a young man with a younger mom she looked about my age. They looked happy, young and care free, but his eyes, they look just like mine. It was him. I hated him, why the fuck did she have this? Why the fuck is this in my bathroom? Before I could stop myself I had grabbed the nail scissors that were on the side and proceeded to viciously cut up the picture. The boy's face was now just ribbons on the floor of a photo that used to be.

I went to bed angry that night. Angry at everything. Everyone. Angry at him.

* * *

**If you like what you've read or you have anything you want to suggest or ask about, leave a review, would love to hear what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

"Oh my gosh James! This is so lovely babe."

"I'm glad you're surprised, I wanted to do something for you."

For God's sake, shut up. I roll over, very, very slowly in bed to check the time, being careful not to make any sudden movements. I was surprised my head felt fine, there was no banging, no migraines. So I sat up, in which the dizziness hit me and all of a sudden I wished I had just stayed asleep. I felt sick, but my body just wasn't keeping up. I wanted to throw up If it meant that this feeling would go away. So there I was sat in my bed willing my body to make up it's mind, breathing slow deep breaths. Why the hell would anyone want to drink ever if this was the outcome? Of course after twenty minutes of steady breathing I tried to stand up and that was it, I had pushed my body over the edge. I practically jumped for the bathroom, throwing up all over the toilet and toilet seat.

"Ness are you alright?" Moms voice comes from the other side of the door.

"Mom." I whine quietly. Slowly mom pushes the door open and comes into the bathroom. She didn't look angry at me, she didn't look disappointed but instead she looked at me with pity.

"Feeling better now you've got it out of your system?" She asks as she kneels down to where I was sat and wipes my face with a facial wipe she'd grabbed from the packet on the counter.

"I don't really know I guess I can tell you once I stand up." I looked up at her face for the first time, feeling ashamed of how I talked to her last night. She cracked a small smile, I decided it was safe to laugh a little so I did, she joined in too.

Mom helped me stand up and I guess she was right I had got it all out of my system.

"Go downstairs and have some breakfast, I'll clear this up."

"Thanks mom." I give her a small hug and then slowly walk down the stairs and go into the kitchen.

There on the table was some scrambled egg and toast. I sit awkwardly on the seat and start tucking into my food.

"How you feeling kiddo?" James came into the kitchen and poured himself and myself a glass of water and sat down with me.

"Ehhhh." I respond through mouthfuls of food, I had no idea how hungry I really was.

"Did you tell her?"

"Of course there's only one problem."

"I don't want to leave you by yourself." Mom came into the kitchen and stood behind James.

"Mom I'll be fine, I've been left alone by myself before, go on holiday, James has spent a lot of money and took up a lot of my time getting the best advice on where to take you." I smiled at James, who chuckled a little.

"Yeah well the memories of last night don't really fill me with confidence Ness."

"Fine I'll have a baby sitter, I'll stay at Esme's and Carlisle's, just go you deserve a break." I looked at her with a raised eyebrow, She was biting her lip, whenever she bit her lip around me it meant that she was about to give in. She sighed and grabbed the phone.

"What about work?"

"Sorted, I talked to them and they agree that you need some time off. I've got everything sorted trust me." James had stood up by now and had taken mom by the waist. She was looking up at him and grinning, pure and genuine.

"I need to call your grandparents first, but my God you guys are the best." Mom came over to me and hugged me from behind as I was still sat on the chair and kissed the top of my head, she then went over and gave James a tender kiss on the lips.

Grabbing the phone mom quickly dialed Esme and Carlisle.

"Hey Esme."

"Yeah they told me, of course I'm excited! I was just wondering if you could watch Ness, I know it's a few weeks but it would really put my mind at ease."

"Oh really why?" Mom's face slackened a little her eyebrows forming a frown.

What could possibly be wrong? They're always trying to get me to stay around and spend more quality time with them than I usually do.

"I don't understand why would it be a problem?... Oh, right I see, you told my they weren't going to visit this year?... But Esme they aren't supposed to be here while we're still here that was the agreement." Her face fell even more, I don't care who it is mom deserve this. Scrambling up I grab the phone out of my moms hand and put it to my ear.

"Why can't I stay?"

"Sweetie, we're just going to be really busy at the moment, can't you stay at a friend's house?"

"For three weeks?" I tried to keep the irritation out of my voice, I really did, but I don't see that I would be that much trouble, I would just be sleeping and eating there.

"What about Jake?"

"Now I know something is wrong, you don't like the fact that I'm with Jake, you would never suggest, let alone like that I slept at his even for one night." Mom tried to take the phone back, but I pulled it away, I was intrigued, what was she keeping from me?

"Ness give me the phone back, we'll find someone else that you can stay with." She was standing over me by now, but I just shook my head at her.

"I don't understand what's going on, it would be too much hassle to find anyone else, when they are right there."

"You could always stay with James' auntie Margret." Mom suggested, I looked at James who stepped back holding his hands up by his chest.

"Yeah I don't think that's a good idea love, she isn't child friendly." He said in my defense.

I put the phone back to my ear.

"I don't understand."

"We have a visitor for a few months dear."

"So I won't be any trouble, when am I ever any trouble?"

"Love I'm sorry you're going to have to make other arrangements."

"Fine." I mutter and hang up. I hand the phone to mom and silently walk upstairs to shower. I don't freaking understand. She knows how much effort myself and James put into finding the right holiday and packages and whatever for mom. They both knew about it and now it's going to be ruined if I don't find a place to crash for three weeks. Maybe I'll stay at Jakes' just to spite Esme and Carlisle. They have a guest. So fucking what? They wouldn't even know I was there.

After showering I dress and dry my hair before slugging downstairs and throwing myself on the couch next to mom.

"I'm sorry I thought It would all be okay." I mutter.

"Hey Ness don't be silly we'll find someone to look after you." Mom cuddled up to me, putting a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Yeah I know." I smile at her a bit awkwardly. I wasn't a child I could look after myself.

"Why don't we go shopping I need to get some more nice clothes, I only have today and tomorrow to pack!" She giggled with excitement, biting her thumb.

"I'm grounded though."

"On the grounds that you would be accompanying me to only help me and not for the enjoyment of yourself, you are allowed to go." She says all formally and then breaks down into even more giggles.

"Fine, fine let's go." I giggled along with her.

"Who was the visitor." I ask causally but eagerly

"I don't know she just said they had a visitor around, and that they're going to be really busy." Mom shrugged into her jacket thinking nothing of it. But it bothered me, what the hell are they hiding?

It was fun shopping with mom, she was fun and care free and acted way to much like a teenager. We picked out outfits both flattering and horrendous and tried them all on for fun and then brought the ones that we liked. She knew though. And I'm pretty sure that she knew that I knew. Mom has always been an open book and has never for the life of her been able to lie. She sort of goes a tomato red all over, and she does this sort of side smile that makes her look all stupid looking. She was doing pretty well though, every time I asked a question about the visitor she at least didn't turn red.

We stopped to go into a little boutique and while mom was trying on and picking out clothes that were really too young for her, I head out to find a toilet.

"Ness." Jess pulled on my hand making me stop and turn around to see her.

"What happened to you last night, I mean I tried looking for you but ended up bumping into a very flustered Jacob, who then told me that your mum busted you." She was holding my shoulders by this point, a face full of pity.

"Mom came and busted me and Jake, escorted me out of the party and then shouted at me a bit, which did my head wonders obviously." By this point Jess had towed me back around and was leading me into the bathroom, to touch up on her make up no doubt.

"What do you mean you and Jake, were you like doing it?" She was of course intrigued and always looking for gossip. One delicate eyebrow was raised as she pressed her lips together after applying lip gloss.

"No Jess, like after we did all of that, we were just kissing and she started banging on the door." I role my eyes at her and look at my own beady eyes and pale skin in the mirror. My skin pale white as usual, looked even paler in the bathroom light.

"Juicy," She laughs, applying more eye liner. I cringe as she pulls her bottom lid down and made her eye look up.

"No not juicy Jess, I got in trouble mom was mega pissed." Taking my hairbrush from my small shoulder bag, I start brushing through my wavy, knotty hair.

"Alright chill, you were safe though right because the last thing we need is a little Jacob running around wreaking havoc."

"Jacob and I are always safe Jess, we're not stupid."

"Good because you're too smart, too stubborn and too beautiful to have a kid right now Ness, I mean you have everything going for you, It wouldn't surprise me if you were like president some day or something, plus Jake has too much growing up to do, as humble as he may be, he's still a guy." Jess had her hands on my shoulders once more, looking me straight in the face and smiling at the same time she finishes her mini speech how she always does; "Plus I need you Ness."

I pull her into an embrace whilst laughing at her.

"Thanks mom, you're always so dramatic. Do you wanna eat lunch with us? I'm starving and I have a feeling I need to go check on my mom before she spends her life savings on clothes." Jess hooks her arm with mine and giggles.

"You read my mind."

As Jess and I walk back to the boutique she briefs me quickly on her night with Mike. Pretty much the usual, he's great, she's great. She thinks that they're getting closer, but her insecurities are In the way and she thinks that he's going to leave her because of it. Of course I then tell her what I always do, what she wants and needs to hear to make her feel more secure.

"Mum where are you going to put all of this?" I look at the five new bags she has now acquired full of clothes shoes and accessories.

"oh please, there not just for me, I brought some stuff for you as well." She picks up all of her bags and then waddles out of the shop heading towards the food court.

"Well are you coming?" she calls back at us. I roll my eyes and watch her as she carries a total of eight bags obviously struggling to hold them all.

"I swear sometimes I don't know who's the adult and who's the child."

"She sort of waddles to one side doesn't she?" Jess turns her head slightly to the left and squinted her eyes. I look at her and laugh as I led the way, following my mom to the food court.

We ate and listened to Jess talk about all of the clubs and committees that she is successfully running during the school year and her plans to make things more interesting when the new school year starts after the summer. She then mentions that there's a new drama club that's starting up.

"Oh that sounds interesting, doesn't it Ness, when does it start, does it cost anything?" Mom had been snooping around for weeks, even before summer started, for a group, anything for me to join and meet new people, she thinks I spend too much time in the house or in the woods.

"It's every Wednesday and no it's completely free, the local youth club got a lode of money after they got the building all done up and stuff from the government, to start some clubs to get teenagers off the streets and doing stuff that's productive instead of drinking and doing drugs."

"Well I think that's a great idea, don't you Ness?" Mom looks at me pleading for me to try something different.

"Does it start this Wednesday?" I sigh looking a Jess who's face had lit up considerably.

"You'll go for real?" she squeaks

"Yeah I'll go." I laugh. Jess jumps up and gives me a rather tight and squeezy hug before she announces that she needs to go meet mike.

After Jess left it was just me and mom, an awkward silence had fallen over us, so we continued to eat quietly.

"What are you thinking about ness?"

"I just want you and James to have a good holiday, I mean you work so hard, both of you do and I just feel like both of you deserve it." I smile up at mum putting my now empty yogurt pot on the table.

"Hey you, when did you get so grown up," She laughs lightly.

Once we had finished lunch we grabbed all of the shopping bags and equally balance them out so that mom doesn't look like a waddling freak carrying all of them.

"Do you think that you and James will ever get married?" I ask curious to what her answer will be, if it wasn't good I guess I could warn James and save him all the embarrassment.

"I freaking hope so I mean-" Just as she was about to round a corner, an idiot texting on his phone and not looking what he was doing crashes into mom, he was in such a rush that he banged into her hard enough to make her fall backwards. Her bags went flying.

"Dude watch where you're going," I growl as I put my own bags down and bend down to help mom up. As she raises her face her eyebrows shoot up, panic spreads across her face.

"Bells?" The stranger stares at mom and she stares back, a crowd of people had formed around us just watching as they stare at each other, waiting for what will happen next.

"I uh.." The tension builds and I shiver with awkwardness. Mom clears her throat and with great hesitation takes his extended hand. He helps her up, they look at each other for a long while.

"Hello, I'm still here you know, I mean I'm right here." I say looking at muom struggling to get her attention. The crowed had dispersed by this point, many mumbling that there was no fight to entertain them. Mom smooth's down her skirt, then bends down elegantly to pick up her bags and whatever had fallen out of them.

"Here let me help," He offers bending down next to her.

"I've got this, I don't need your damn help." She snaps viciously. I was taken aback I'd never seen mom have such a mood change so quickly, like ever. Slowly he gets back up into a standing position and stands awkwardly watching mom pick up her stuff. I find the will to move and quickly help mom. after picking everything up we proceed to walk past the guy not looking or speaking to him, I have no freaking idea what was going on but I felt like it would be better if I didn't ask.

"Hang on a second." He extended his arm and caught my elbow with his hand, making me swing around to face him. I wanted to say something smart and witty but I just stood there like an idiot. His beauty was over powering, he had amazing clear, pale white skin with a perfect amount of stubble to compliment it, his mouth however matched the wrinkles on his forehead, he looked like he was going to say something, but his eyes, a mix of green and blue, like a shiny sea where what caught my attention. They were deep and pleading, it was almost heart wrenching.

"What are you doing?" Mom raged pulling me away from him. I clear my throat and finally I find my voice.

"You can't just go around grabbing people like that, what is wrong with you." I let mum lead me to the parking lot. It was in my throat, on the tip of my tongue, I wanted to know what the hell had just happened, who was he? But I know that if she wanted to tell me she would, if she didn't she would just tell me it doesn't matter, it was part of her past and not her future. With the tension between her and that guy I felt like it wasn't my place to start asking questions. The car journey was silent, I spent most of it looking out the window and then we got caught in rush hour traffic.

"Mom?"

"Yes Ness?" her tone was flat and hard, she was in no mood to talk and I hated when she got like this because it always makes me feel like I'd done something wrong.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah Im fine sweetie." Again her tone! It made me sink deeper into my seat, it made me want to coward away and hide.

"Why are you talking to me like that, I haven't done anything." I mutter half wanting her to hear, half wishing I had never said it so there was no chance of her hearing.

"don't start Ness, I'm fine! Stop being so sensitive." I hated it when she said that, the only reason I'm being 'sensitive' is because she's being a moody bitch.

"I'm not being sensitive, you're all moody all of a sudden, I mean you get like this when something happens that you don't like and then you over think whatever's happened and get yourself all worked up about it, God Just talk to me mom because I hate putting up with the awkwardness that you create." I look at her with wide eyes, her eyes equally wide, her teeth were clenched and wrinkles had appeared on her pretty little head.

"I am the adult, you are the child and because of that there is going to be some stuff that I cannot discuss with you, if you don't like that, go to your room and ignore me for most of the day, God knows that's what you usually do, or go to the woods behind the house for hours on end and don't let me know where you're going like you usually do, that never seems to bother you." She seethes through clenched teeth.

"Where the fuck is this coming from?" I ask blatant confusion spread across my face. "Do you ever think that maybe I try to get away because of your obsessive whining and complaining that I never do anything to meet new people and get out? I like being alone mom, I have close friends and that's all I need, I don't need a lode of friends that will be stabbing me in the back every chance they get, I don't need to be popular, I don't see why you worry so much if I am or not! One minuet you're telling me to get out and when I do, you freaking bust me for it." My breathing had quickened as my anger rises. I could feel my heart in my throat and my head telling me to quit while I was ahead but I couldn't, id started so I have to finish.

Mom just looked at me. Cars were beeping their horns, no car was moving in this stupid Jam, but I was just her and I looking at each other, trying to figure out what the other was thinking.

"You get in these freaking moods and then take it out on me. I mean just talk to me about it or don't talk to me at all. So go on mom? who was he? a stupid EX from college? Was he another mistake? Or maybe you're having an affair? Is that it? I wouldn't know because when it comes to stuff that affects you, you don't talk to me about it." I touch my lips and immediately feel guilty for going at her like that! Because she does tell me stuff, if it concerns me then she tells me, if it doesn't then I don't always need to know. She'd turned her attention back to the road, not replying to me at all. I thought that she would at least tell me what she was thinking like she usually does and then we would have gotten everything we wanted to say out of our system and then we'd be fine, that's how our arguments usually go. But this time it was just silence.

We finally got home , after enduring 45 minutes of silence, I decided that it would be best if I went to Esme's and Carlisle's. That night I cried to Esme. I felt awful and I couldn't fix it because mom wasn't talking to me. I told her about what happened in the mall, she just sat and soothed my hair, dried my tears and listened. She assured me that by the morning mom would want to talk and everything would be fine. Of course I believed her because Esme never lies.

"So has it been sorted out? Can I stay here while mom and James are on holiday?" I ask, my head was resting on her lap and she was still playing with my hair.

"Don't worry about that now dear, we'll sort that out tomorrow." She resorted quickly like it had been on the tip of her tongue since I had got there, like it was waiting to be released. I was in no mood to argue. With the heaviness of my eyes I fell asleep to Esme humming a sweet and delicate lullaby.

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**Hope you liked the second chapter! If you have anything that you want to suggest or comment about, leave a comment! Would love to hear what you think. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay so it was pointed out that some of the words that are said in America would be spelled differently or another word is used compared to what would be used in England (I'm from the Uk) for example I spell mum 'mum' where as in America it's spelt 'Mom'**

**So the lovely ****sweet and sassy nessie**** has really helped me out with all the translations so it should make a bit more sense i guess. anyway enjoy! **

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It was around eleven when he got home, His mother was waiting for him in the kitchen. Silently he opened the door and then with the greatest care he closed it again. He pulled a chair out from under the kitchen table and sat down on it, his mother placed a plate full of food on the table. He looked up at her. Her skin was fair but was draping slightly, wrinkles were forming. Although she looked old her eyes were alert and beautiful much like his. He pushed the plate of food away from him and instead asked for a glass of water.  
"What do you think you're doing?" She asked him, sighing to herself as she placed the water on the table then sat down opposite her son. 

"I wanted to surprise you." He mutters. He'd thought they'd like it! He hadn't been here in a year, but all he's gotten out of it was grief. 

"You told us you weren't coming home this year, that there was too much work back in England for you to do, you know the deal with this, it can cause to much trouble!" His mother looked tired. He could see the soft wrinkles under her eyes, he had missed her so much. 

"She's a lot older now, plus this is my home mom, I miss it! I miss you and dad."  
"That's not the point here son! She maybe older but that just means that she's more clear on her views! I've told you her views on you. She's not stupid! She will end up recognizing you and she will say how she feels." 

"I didn't know that they would still be here, usually they go on vacation this time of year!" She could see the hurt in her son's eyes, he wanted a chance and she could see that, but how much convincing it would take for them to even sit down to talk, well that would be where the real trouble begins. 

"Mom I want a chance to prove myself, I'm not eighteenth anymore! I'm 34, I want to be the person that I was always supposed to be."

I got up early the next morning, Carlisle had already gone to work and Esme was still asleep up in bed. I guess I had fallen asleep on the sofa last night so Esme had covered me up in a blanket and gone to bed. It makes sense; I'm too heavy to carry upstairs to bed.

Casually I made my way home, I was in no rush I just wanted to think through what I wanted to say to mom. I wanted to apologize for what I said, she isn't the reason that I go to the woods, I go to the woods because I love it, not because I want to get away from her. She may get moody but so do I, all people do and because of that, her getting moody was not something I could use against her. Lastly I need to apologize to her for accusing her of cheating on James.  
I scuttled up to the back door and took the key from under the plant pot next to it. As quietly as I could I unlock the door and push it open.

"Mom I-" I stop mid-sentence, there was a piece of paper on the kitchen table; a note. A note on the kitchen table meant mom had already gone to work. She always leaves a note if she goes before I wake up.  
Gone to work,When I get home we can talk about yesterday!

There's stuff I need to tell you -mom x This is good, it means that we might be able to clear some stuff up, like what everyone's hiding from me about why I can't stay at Esme's and Carlisle's. First I'm going to take the next step to getting out more, or at least meeting new people. Maybe I can mention that to mom tonight and that might make her a bit happier.

"Jess, do you want to come over? We can discuss what's happening about the drama club." I left her a message and hung up, while wondering around the house aimlessly. So I just sat on the sofa. Staring at the blank wall next to our TV. Jess would call back soon, she always does, but this feels different. Usually I don't mind being alone, I'd watch TV or listen to music, but none of that seems to be entertaining enough. Everything just feels so uneasy.  
After thirty minutes of just staring at the wall the doorbell rings. Of course when I opened it Jess stood there, with a giant smile on her face.

"Have you got the house to yourself?" She asks as she makes her way into the house and heads for the living room. 

"Yeah I do, do you want a drink or anything?" I ask as I close the door and follow her into the front room. 

"No, come sit down Ness let's talk about the club." Jess taps the space next to her and I follow her command. 

"Okay so I have a few notes for you about the club." Jess then proceeds to take out a notepad and pencil. My eyebrows shoot up as I eye the page, every line was full of notes that she had written, it's just a drama group I don't see what's so important about it. 

"Okay first off, it's two and a half hours every Wednesday! 5:30 until 8:00." 

"What that's a little ridiculous Jess, don't you think? I mean that's a long time to be doing stupid exercises and games to do with drama." She rolls her eyes and then looks back at her page. 

"Second, they're going to get to know everyone there for the first two sessions and they're then going to start working on their own production of Grease." Jess pushed back her delicate bangs from her face, then looked at me and smiled. I could feel the frown on my face. 

"How do you know all of this?" 

"I was the representative for the youth of today at the meeting they held to discuss the drama club and what was going to happen."  
"Okay cool but why you?" She looked at me, hurt on her face, then she started to grin a little. 

"I was the only one that volunteered to go." I laugh too, that sounds about right. I couldn't imagine anyone in their right mind, who knows Jess choosing to go up against her. Not with something like this. She was in her Element after all.

"Okay Jess, why don't you uh, leave the notes with me and I'll sit down with them tonight and read through it. I really just wanted to talk to you about something." I pull on the sleeves of my shirt and look at her intently. 

"Oh okay chick, shoot." She gets herself comfy on the couch, she brings her legs up onto it so that they're tucked under her and then props her elbow on the end of the couch and then leans her head in her hand.  
I told her about moms vacation, about how it could be ruined because Esme and Carlisle won't let me stay there. How I felt like they were keeping something from me and the frustration that it was causing me. I then told her about the guy in the mall, where mom went all strange. I told her about how he looks, how he looked sad and unbearably broken and how his eyes looked.

"So.. uh.. did your mom have like a connection with this guy." Jess had sat contently and listened to what I was saying, but now I could see that she didn't really know what to say.  
"It really looked like it, I didn't ask her about him. She got in one of her moods and well I sort of flipped and told her that the reason I spent so much time out in the woods was because she was always bitching at me to get out and meet new people and then I sort of accused her of cheating on James." I looked down at my lap, ashamed of myself.

"You what?" I looked up at her, sensing the surprise in her voice. She had covered her hand with her mouth, her eyebrows shot up like rockets. 

"I was angry, I was stupid and decided that she never told me anything and then because of what happened in the Mall with that guy, I know that her mood was something to do with that guy and so I bombarded her with questions and I don't know I guess I asked her if she knew the guy because she was cheating on James with him." I realize that I wasn't telling her what had happened very well, but I couldn't do any better, I just didn't have the words to explain myself or make myself look half decent.

"Well I can defiantly see why your mom isn't talking to you." She said smiling at me with the greatest comfort and support. 

"I feel so bad Jess." I mutter, tears falling from my eyes. 

"Hey , don't be sad! Your mom is your mom and no matter how mad she is at you she will always forgive you Ness. No one loves you more than your mom Renesmee." Jess was rubbing my arm at this point. I smile up at her, sniffing away my feelings and rubbing my tears away.

My phone was on the table, Jess grabbed in as it started to ring, she held it up so I could see the caller Id and smirked. I took it from her hand and pressed the green button. 

"Hey." I say brightly trying to keep any sign of upset out of my voice. 

"Hey , are you free today?" Jake says just as brightly, a small laugh in his voice. 

"Uh, I'm just here with Jess why?" I look over at Jess, she was still smirking, waiting for the gossip. 

"Oh I was wondering if you wanted to play some mini golf." I wanted to go I really did, but I couldn't just abandon Jess. 

"What?" She whispers leaning forward. I take the pone from my ear and hold it away from us. 

"He wants to take me to mini golf, but I don't want to abandon you, I mean I asked you to come over." I whisper to her. 

"Don't be stupid go." She laughs waving her hand at me. I smile at her, laughing a thank you. 

"Okay, pick me up in five?" I laugh into the phone, smiling widely at Jess. 

"Okay, see you then." 

"Okay bye Jake."

Jess left as soon as I ended the Call, she said that she was going to Mikes anyway, there's no point in hanging around now. I thank her for listening to me babble on and hug her tightly. A few minutes later Jake beeps his horn. In a rush I grab my bag, phone and a coat then head outside to meet him. As I closed the front door and locked it, I saw Jake had already opened the passenger door for me and was standing next to it, waiting for me to get in. I laugh as I make my way down my path. When I'm close enough to him, I grab his face and then kiss him tenderly. 

"Hey you." He smiles looking down at me. I Laugh some more then get into the truck. Soon enough we were on the road. Myself and Jake had settled into a comfortable silence, well that Is before he broke it. 

"So how was the hang over?" He asked, smirking to himself. 

"I threw up, if that's what you mean." 

"Well no surprises there then, you were uh, very noticed at that party." Jake Says clearing his throat and keeping his eyes on the road. 

"No surprise there, with my mom causing a massive scene." I mutter as I place my feet up on the dashboard and sink in the passenger seat.  
"No I mean with Sam and stuff, he was, well he wasn't happy let's just say that." Jakes' face was plain, but I just smirk at him, like I care what Sam thinks of me. 

"Jake you know I don't care what he thinks." 

"Yeah but Ness I'm the one who has to get an earful of it, he was nice to you and you, well you took him of guard, he barely knows you and I guess he wasn't expecting you to be so forward." I could see now, that this bothered Jake. Which made me sigh and roll my eyes. 

"You cannot seriously be lecturing me about this Jake, he's an asshole, you can't expect me to like him." 

"I don't expect you to like him Ness, but I'm not nasty to Jess or anything, God knows if I did I would never hear the end of it! He may be an asshole but he's my friend." 

"You realize that makes no sense right, he's an asshole but he's still your friend? If he's an asshole then why are you friends with him." Frustration was building in my voice, but Jake's facial expression didn't changed. He still looked straight ahead at the road. 

"Jess is overbearing, controlling and over obsessive, but she's still your friend." I laugh at his audacity. Then look straight ahead, my jaw tensed. 

"Yes but Jess cares about the feelings of the people around her." I say through my teeth, almost seething with frustration. 

"Alright I'm sorry I brought it up." He mutters, leaving us in total but this time uncomfortable silence.

I looked out the window for the rest of the journey into Seattle, Jake huffed and sighed, I knew that he was trying to think of something to say to break the tension. So instead I did it for him. Leaning across my seat, being careful not to hit the gear shift and I gave him a quick peck on the cheek, which made him smile. 

"So Jess is dragging me to this new drama club that is starting up in the youth club that they fixed up, do you want to tag along?" I ask attentively, looking over this time. For the first time since we got in the truck, Jake glances at me quickly, taking his eyes of the road for just a second. He smiled at me then went back to looking at the road.

"Sure why not." He had his half smile on his face, the one that makes me melt, the conversation that we were just having forgotten, well forgotten for now.  
Jake soon parked in the parking lot and paid for our game, we made our way around the course joking and laughing about some events that had happened at the party. With every hole he got a good score but I always beat him by one, using one less strike to get the ball in the hole than he did. I wanted to tell him about mom, but I didn't we were having such fun that I didn't want to ruin the atmosphere. I would tell him, just later on when we were in our meadow.

We were on the eighteen hole of the course when Jake's phone started to buzz in his pocket. He was just about to hit the ball in the hole, on his second putt of this hole when it started buzzing in his pocket, distracting him and causing him to miss the hole completely. I laughed at him as I saw his ball move further away from its destination. Jake mutters under his breath as he answers the phone. 

"Hello?"  
The voice on the other side of the phone was to unrecognizable for me to listen in to the conversations, so I took my turn, meaning that it only took me two putts to complete this hole, I smile all cocky like as I wrote my score down on our sheet. When I look back at Jake however his cheeks were blown out, I could tell he was trying not to laugh, as soon as he saw I was looking at him, his face instantly turned into a frown. 

"He did what?" Jake stifled a laugh. 

"I well, I guess he had that coming." His laugh was obvious now, looking at him my head cocked to the side. He caught my gaze and cleared his throat, he stopped laughing and I'm pretty sure that he straightened up a little bit too. 

"Dude I got to go," Jake ends the call then looked at me smiling before I could say anything he put his hand up to stop me. 

"Don't ask because you won't like it, I'm sure Jess will tell you all about it." He went back to putting his ball but I stand in the way and his ball bounces of my feet.  
"Ness you're winning there's no need to-"The look on my face stops him mid-sentence, he stares at me awkwardly until I speak. 

"What will Jess tell me Jake?" A little line had formed at the other end of the hole where people were waiting for their turn. They were muttering about how they had to wait. So I picked up our balls and moved to the next hole, Jake followed silently. 

"Look Ness, it will sound better coming from her, I mean I wasn't there, she was, please don't worry about it now, let's just play," Jacob catches my face in his hands and kisses me long but delicately. I smile as the kiss ends and everything is forgotten, he's my Jacob.

We play until the end and then Jacob receives a call from his dad, telling him that he needs to go to the garage and help him on a car. I assure Jake that I would be fine and that I can get a bus home. Just before he goes to get into his truck he shouts to me across the road. 

"I love you Renesmee Elizabeth Swan." I laugh at him and blow him a kiss before shouting. 

"I love you too Jake." He catches the kiss in his hand and then presses his hand to his lips. As soon as he drives off I whip out my phone and call Jess, she answers on the first ring. 

"Ness." Her sobs come down the phone like a tidal wave. I freeze, every bone in my body went stiff. 

"Jessica what's wrong." I feel the panic in my voice. What has he done? 

"Sam he, he beat up Mike, Ness he's in the hospital. He hit him so hard that he broke his nose. He's going to have a black eyes and.. and they were kicking him while he was down. He has two broken ribs." Her sobbing had greatened. I was running now, running to the bus stop. 

"Where are you Jess, I'll come meet you!" I struggle to get my wallet out of my bag as the bus came down the road. 

"I'm at the hospital right now Ness, I'm the only one he's wanting to see at the moment he refuses to see anyone else and he's finding it difficult to talk to the police," I walk away from the bus stop just as the bus pulls up. 

"Look if you need me call and I'll be there Jess I'm serious. Calm down talk to the police and then call me when you're ready and we can talk about it in more detail." I was trying to control my now raising anger, she was scared and she needed me. 

"Thanks Ness I'll call you tomorrow or I'll come over before drama, you're the best." She hangs up and I pocket my own phone. I didn't know what to do with myself. I had all this anger and adrenaline in me, rising to my breaking point. What's worst of all is that Jake knew about this and he practically laughed on the phone with Sam, giving him a pat on the back for all of his efforts.

Quickly I take out my phone and type a text message to Jake.  
You think what happened to mike was funny?  
I think what happened was fucked up .

Stalking of angrily I head to a small café just down the street, huffing and puffing over Jake's dick move I order a coffee and muffin then find a small table near the window and sit down. Slowly I put my ear phones in and drown out any thoughts of Sam and just fall into my own world.

It wasn't long however before the other seat at the small square table was pulled back and sat on. Slowly I raise my head from my muffin. 

"I'm sorry and you are?" I let venom shoot at him with the words that I speak. 

"I know this is pretty rude of me, but I wanted to apologize for yesterday." His voice was gentle and soft, but it was also strained like he was struggling for words. He had shaved since yesterday and now his skin looked smooth and flawless. His black hair fell over his face in a droopy yet complimenting way. 

"well you really pissed my mom off, whoever you are, oh and thanks for that, all that anger she for whatever reason has for you was taken out on me, now excuse me but my grandparents always told me not to talk to strangers, so if you'd like to leave me alone now." I smile sarcastically at him while raising my coffee cup to my lips. He just smirks a little.

"You're the image of your mother, you know that right? She had a good way with words too." He was still smirking and I didn't like it, he looked so smug like talking to me was an achievement. 

"What is wrong with you?" I ask putting my cup back on its saucer. 

"I'm sorry?" 

"I don't know you dude, don't you think it's a little strange and perverted for a grown man to sit down and start talking to a sixteen year old girl that he's never met." I look at him with a sarcastic look, turning my nose up at him. 

"Oh but we have met, Just when you were a baby. I'm a friend of your moms, but I live over in the UK which is why I was so surprised to see her yesterday, she was angry at me I guess because I haven't had much time to contact her ." He crisscrossed his finger together, lent his elbows on the table and was now covering his mouth with his fingers. 

"Yeah and I'm Jennifer Lawrence." I mutter, then look out the window. There I see him, joking and laughing with his friends, all of them slapping him on the back and clapping him on. I rush out of my seat grabbing my phone and bag as I go, storming out of the café I start to shout.

"You nasty son of a bitch," I yell while I push Sam from behind to get his attention, he barely moves but he does turn around. 

"What the fuck?" He spat back at me, well looked down at me, I barely reached his shoulder. 

"What is wrong with you? Do you get off on stuff like that, beating someone up? Maybe I should break your nose, maybe I should give you a black eye or break a few of your fucking ribs you stupid piece of shit." I yell at him, some of his friends stifled a laugh, Sam turns to them, embarrassed a little and then turns back to me. His jaw was clenched, his fists balled and his face, well his face was turning a painful red. 

"Back off little girl, before you strain yourself talking smack." Sam laughs in my face, his 'crew' slowly follow him, each one laughing now. A small circle of spectators had formed, no one was going to intervene or say something, I look at some of the faces, some of the faces I recognized from school. Some of them were tortured by him some way or another and I for one was going to do something about it. As he continues to laugh I push all of the anger and adrenaline into my fist and then quickly swing it, bringing it into the side of his face, Sam's face snaps to the side, he cradles it as he looks at me, shock on both of our faces. 

"That's it." Sam roars, he goes for the collar of my coat but before he could reach me his hand was caught with another and the strength of the other person causes Sam to turn around he was met with the owner of the hand that was stopping him from hurting me.

"Get the fuck off me." Sam yells as he pulls his arm from the grasp of the mystery guy. 

"Do you enjoy picking on girls? Do you find that amusing?" mom's 'friend' asked. 

"Whatever dude she had it coming." As he said that he went to grab me for the second time, which again took me completely off guard. The mystery guy however moved quicker and put himself in the middle of me and Sam again. This time he grabbed the ends of Sam's t-shirt by his neck and almost lifted him off his feet. Sam's face was the look of horror. He was usually the one doing this, not being the one abuse.

"If you touch her, if you ever hurt her I will hurt you in ways you couldn't imagine boy, you hear me?" Sam just looked at the ground. So moms friend proceeded to push him backwards so that he ended up pushed against the cafes wall making people gasp and shriek. 

"Do you hear me?" He shouts in his face. 

"Yes I understand." Sam shouts back at him, moms friend drops him and then takes a step back. 

"Go on get the hell out of here." He smirks; Sam looked from me to mom's friend, then walked off quickly with his friends trailing silently behind him. 

"Yeah asshole get the hell out of here." I shout after him laughing at the top of my lungs. To my surprise the crowd started to laugh and cheer along with me. Sam turned back when he heard the Noise and there it was again, his face was turning a painful and pitiful red, he saw what was going on and then stormed down the road and out of sight.

"Thanks for that." I say turning to mom's friend and smiling. Then I surprise myself and stick out my hand for him to shake. 

"My name's Renesmee," he takes my hand and shakes it, returning my smile with one of his own. 

"Robert." He replies with his own name. The crowd had disappeared by now and it was just us, standing in the street. 

"Do you need a ride home?" He offers pointing to the parking lot across the street. 

"I uh, I really shouldn't I mean we're cool but I still barely know you." I point out smiling awkwardly at him. He nods his head in acceptance. 

"Well I'll drop you home, or to Esme and Carlisle and on the way maybe we can get to know each other a bit more." I nod my head in reply and Cross the street to his car. He seemed pretty genuine and he knew Esme and Carlisle. He may also be able to clear some stuff up for me between him and mom since I won't be asking mom about him any time soon.

"So uh tell me more about how you and mom met like how do you know each other?" The Volvo he was driving was clean and sparkling, like it was brand new today. He controlled it perfectly, a nice difference from Jake's driving. 

"We actually grew up together, we went to the same school she was my best friend and I was hers." 

"oh right so what do you work as in England?" I ask attentively resisting the urge to prop my feet up on the dash board. 

"I'm a doctor, I work in London! That's sort of the reason why me and your mom lost contact; she didn't want me to go. I went to Harvard and then travelled to London for a different culture." 

"I guess that would hurt but mom isn't that sort of person who would stop someone from an opportunity like that, there's obviously more of the story." I say raising my eyebrows at him; I see a smirk form on his face. 

"Nothing gets past you." He laughs. 

"Well?" I ask pushing him for answers. 

"Enough about me, tell me about you." 

"Uh okay, nothing much too tell really, I'm a straight A student, I prefer being by myself and one day I'm going to rule the world." We both laugh and then settle into a comfortable silence.

After a while he asked "Is there a boyfriend you left out?" 

"That's none of your business." 

"That's a yes then." He laughs as he turns the car onto my street. He parks with ease and then gets out. He opens my door and then gestured for me to go first. Slowly I make my way up to my front door. Mom was home because her car was parked in the driveway. Suddenly I'm nervous, mom wasn't very happy to see Robert yesterday but I guess if there's any time to put the past in the past it's the present. 

"Mom I'm home." I call out as I push the door open, Robert follows me in silently. 

"In here sweetie." She calls out from the living room, we both follow the sound of her voice. 

"Edward, what the hell are you doing here?" She asks hardness in her voice when she addresses him.  
"Please let me explain Bella." He says pleadingly holding his hands up in defence. 

"Wait a minute? Your name's Edward? You told me it was Robert." I say confused turning to Edward.  
Mom sighs and then turns her attention to me. 

"Sit down Ness I have something to tell you." She says all serious. 

"We have something to tell you?" Edward corrects her. I sit next to mom and look at both of their serious faces. Mentally I prepare myself for whatever obvious bad news they were going to tell me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay so again thank you to ****sweet and sassy nessie**** who has been reading through the chapters and has been helping me the best she can!**

**Hope you've been enjoying the story, I've been loving seeing all of your reviews.**

**Read and enjoy!**

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I look at both of them, neither of them speaking and the atmosphere well it was oh so silent. And then I froze, all of my muscles tense up, everything inside me went numb. I'm so stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. What am I blind?

"you know I always thought I would recognize my father!" I say cutting the tension like a knife.

"I always thought, as soon as I saw him I would know! I would know the man that left my mom before I was born, the one who left because he didn't want the responsibility, he didn't want a pregnant girlfriend dragging him down and he didn't want a baby to look after. The father who didn't want me. The guy who left town and never looked back. But it's been staring me in the face since yesterday and I was too caught up in my own problems to realize" I look over at Edward and tears had appeared in his eyes. He sniffs and then rubs his sleeve over his nose. He doesn't look at me.

"You left for college instead of staying to support the life that you created! You lazy bastard.

I honestly never thought I would meet you! I could never understand why I hated someone so much, someone I've never met, but now I know why. Just looking at you it repulses me, you make my blood boil. You know what you selfish bastard, I used to stay up and listen to mom cry on the phone to Esme about how she couldn't do it, how she missed you. But she never needed you, you unworthy asshole. Just leave you're not wanted here, I don't want you like you didn't want me." I spat at him, I was crying myself, not because I was sad but because I was so angry.

"Ness i-"

"No you do not call me that, you have no right to feel comfortable calling me that! Use my real name you low life." I yell at him.

"Renesmee you don't understand. I regret it all I wish I had stayed, but I didn't and I can't change that but I can change the future and be here for you starting right now. You've never seen me because when you've gone on vacation each year I would come back and visit my parents-" He had taken a step towards me which had taken me of guard. So I bring my voice back to my lips.

"Don't you dare come any closer to me." I shout, burning my lungs and point at him to go back to where he was. He takes a step back awkwardly. I look down at mom, she had her face in her hands.

"So you came back when I was on vacation. So even now you're a coward, you didn't want the trouble of facing your responsibilities. You're really digging a hole now."

"I came back when you were on vacation because that's what your mom, Esme and Carlisle said was best." He was trying to defend himself, why was he defending himself? This just made me even more angry.

"Don't defend yourself asshole, What has this got to do with- Esme and Carlisle they are your parents." I wasn't even shocked, I just felt numb. All this time I thought I knew everything that no secrets were kept, but everything was just a massive lie.

"So all this time you were lying to me, you couldn't just tell me? Mom." I take moms hands from her face, forcing her to look at me.

"You always told me that whatever I wanted and needed to know about him you would tell me, no secrets will be kept." I felt like bundling in a ball and never facing the world again.

Edward was brave enough to cross the room to me, he didn't touch me but he did come and stand in front of me.

"Renesmee just let me explain, please I never wanted to leave you or your mother, I loved her so much I-"

"If you loved her so much then you never would have left." I scream at him, pushing him backwards causing him to stumble. I run from the front room, into the kitchen and then straight through the backdoor.

I waited until I was deep into the woods to let the screams escape from my dry broken lips. I scream and cry until I was heaving and exhausted. How could this happen? I'm so stupid. It was in front of me all this time, all I needed to do was open my damn eyes and realize that I couldn't trust any of them to tell me the truth. How am I supposed to face any of them knowing that they had kept all of this from me? I prop myself up against a tree and look up at the clear sky. No rain today.

"Renesmee." Jacob yells from the distance. I found myself jumping up and running with the little strength I had left. I ran in the direction of the meadow and soon come to the clearing. I see Jake standing there.

"Jacob." I cry, making him turn in my direction, he ran towards me and caught me in an embrace picking me up of the ground and hugging me tight. I let my sobs loose and cry into his shirt. He just held me there until I was ready to face him. Smoothing down my hair Jacob set me back down on the ground and took hold of my face.

"I heard you screaming Ness, I've never heard you scream like that, it scared me half to death. Tell me what's wrong baby." Wrinkles were deep on his forehead and they matched the concern in his voice. I sank to the ground and he followed.

"Okay, I just met my dad! I uh we bumped into him at the mall yesterday and mom recognized him but I didn't then he showed up today and he was nice and stuff and then he drove me home and mom just, she just told me that he was my dad Jake. He was trying to defend himself, he was trying to explain why he abandoned us but it just made me angrier, he doesn't deserve to try and explain himself." Jacob rubs my back and listens to me intensely, taking it all in.

"And they've all been lying to me because Esme and Carlisle are actually my biological grandparents, I've never bumped into the asshole because he's always came and visited when me and mom were on vacation." I stifle another cry and sniff back my feelings. I breathe slowly and control my emotions. I look at Jacob and he wipes the tears that had escaped from my eyes.

"Oh Ness." He soothes taking me into an embrace. As I hug him I mutter into his shirt.

"I need to talk to you about Sam." He pulls back slowly and looks at me.

"I know Ness I'm so sorry, I was such a dick, you're right I shouldn't have found it funny, what happened was awful." He looks down at the ground feeling guilty. Why wasn't he like this all the time, he's never like this when he's with anyone else.

"Not about that, I called Jess and she told me what happened. Then I saw him and started bitching him out because I was so angry Jacob. I hit him because he was being all patronizing and nasty and then he came at me Jake, he came a me twice." Jacobs head shot straight up, his Jaw clenched as he registered what I had said.

"He did what?" His voice had been limited to an angry whisper.

"Ness I'm so sorry." Tears started to form in his eyes, which was different. I'd never seen him cry before.

"I never thought for one second that he would ever go for you, baby did he hurt you?" Jacob takes my hand and looks me in the eye, pleading for forgiveness.

"No The guy who I just found out is my dad he stopped him and made him feel the way that he makes everyone else feel, Jake this isn't your fault." I smile at him, genuinely meaning what I had said; I don't blame him for any of it.

"Wait until I get my hands on him." He mutters. I lean on his shoulder and he wraps his hands around my protectively. Talking to Jake made me feel better, he listens and doesn't keep anything from me plus now that I've told someone I feel better, I feel like I've gotten it out of my system for now.

"Jake." I mumble sleepily.

"mmm?" He mumbles in response, planning a kiss on the top of my head.

"I should probably go home, I need to help my mom pack."

"Are you sure? You can stay at my house if you want." I shake my head, I needed to go home, mom goes on vacation in few weeks and I needed to talk to her before then. Jacob helps me up and holds my hand all the way home. We don't talk, instead let the silence take over us. I assure Jake that I would be fine going in alone. He tells me to call him if I needed anything and then walks back into the forest, back to his own home.

Slowly I walk up to the house and push down the door handle. Instead of being welcomed by silence, shouting hits me as I walk through the door into the kitchen. Esme, Carlisle, Mom and Edward are all screaming at each other so much that they don't even hear or see me walk in.

"SHUT UP." I scream making them all jump and stop whatever they were screaming. I slump down in a chair around our table and look at all of them, tears once again forming in my eyes. Edward is the first too speak, he turns to Mom and starts to shout at her.

"Look at her, this isn't all my fault, this wouldn't have been so hard if you hadn't filled her with all your fucking lies Bella." I slam my hands on the table making everyone's attention once again fall on me

"Don't you dare. Don't you dare talk to her like that, my mom brought me up by herself asshole, I don't need you okay any views I have of you are my own, my mom told me the truth and that's all there is to it. All you are is fucking sperm donor, you will never be my father, hell mom's boyfriend is more of a father to me and that says something doesn't it." I didn't even raise my voice, all eyes were on me and I was coming loud and clear. Edward looked at everyone in the room before leaving out the backdoor, slamming it shut. Esme and Carlisle left soon after, not uttering a word. Mom came and sat down next to me.

"Ness, I'm sorry I didn't tell you everything, I was just worried how you would react, please try to understand."

"I don't understand mom, but I'm not angry at you, this isn't your fault." I take her hand and smile at her through blood shot eyes and a runny nose.

"Mom I want you to go on vacation with James." I say with all my strength, I didn't want her to go, but this wasn't about me, she was going to have a perfect vacation with the man that she loved and then he was going to go down on one knee and ask her to marry him and she is going to be so happy. I was not prepared to take that away from her.

"I'm not going now." She says almost shocked at the idea, I raise an eyebrow at her and laugh uneasily.

"Mom, too much time has gone into this, I will do anything for you and because of that I will tolerate having to see him if I have to." I breathe in my decision, feeling calmer, happier knowing that I hated him but will tolerate whatever interaction I have to have with him.

"If it gets too bad. I give you permission to stay at Jacobs, but only if it gets bad okay." I nod my head and smile at her. She brings me into a warm and comforting hug. Keeping me there for what seems like forever. She tells me to go to bed and get some sleep. I follow her instructions. I'm pretty sure that I was asleep before I slumped on my bed. It was a sleepless night, full of confusion and betrayal.

**I stayed in my bedroom for the next three weeks. I sort of fell into a hole of depression. I couldn't believe that the people who I loved and trusted the most, the people who I looked up too had filled my life with a bubble of lies. It's total bullshit that they decided to do what they thought was best for me instead of asking me. My opinion of him would have never changed so there was no need to lie about him. It's my life they were fucking around with. If they really cared about my feelings they would have told me the truth. This is what keeps going around in my head as I lie in my bed and doubt everything they were told me about him. Mom had tried multiple times to come and bring me out from my pit of despair but I would just shrug her off and tell her that I would be fine, that I just needed time. Jacob would sneak into my room at night by climbing the tree that was next to my bedroom window. I would cry and he would just cuddle me until morning in which he would sneak back out the window be came through the night before.**

**Carlisle and Esme had tried their efforts to reason with me but I just stared at them blankly, I didn't know what to say to them. They were the wisest people in my life, they had influenced so much in my life and had taught me the best life lessons but now I didn't know how to overcome the lies that they had told. Mom would bring me food, sit with me and watch TV for a while. We would sit and watch and not one word was spoken about him. Eventually Mom got me to talk and we would talk about her vacation and anything else that would keep me engaged in a conversation.**

**Three days before Mom and James were due to go on vacation I came out of my room and settled into reality the best I could. I helped mom pick out her vacation clothes and finally I called Jess back after rejecting all of her calls for the last three weeks. I knew that I had to plaster a fake smile on my face, get back to my old self by the time that she went on vacation. Otherwise I knew that she would never leave. Dying inside I knew that she was going to leave and I was going to have to stay with Carlisle and Esme. I knew that I was going to have to face him. Whatever happens he has it coming. I guess I was good at faking because mom came in at the early hours of the morning and woke me up.**

"Honey, me and James are about to go." She whispers delicately in my ear. As my eyes shoot open I look at her and smile. Giggling I stand up and give her an amazing hug.

"Have an amazing time mom, don't worry about me I can look after myself." She giggles a bit herself then releases me. She takes a step back so she can see me in full view.

"Ness do me a favour and stop growing." A massive grin forms on her face. I shake my head and then laugh at her. Taking my hand she leads me down the stairs. James was picking up the last of the suitcases to take to the car. He smiles as he sees me. I give him a hug and he hugs me with his spare hand. As he releases me he winks.

"Stay safe kiddo." James says as he lugs the suitcase out of the house to his car.

"I will I laugh." Mom Gives me more hugs and kisses me on the forehead before she tells me she loves me.

"Mom just go, please you're going to miss your flight otherwise."

"Alright boss." She laughs as she follows James and soon enough she was in his car and they were off. I wave as they drive away. Slamming the door I make my way upstairs. Instead of going into my room I make my way to moms room and fall into her unmade bed. It was warm and comforting, it also smelled like her, soon enough I fell back to sleep.

Around eleven I sat up in moms bed feeling refreshed but alone. So I showered and got rid of all the stress and grime that plagued me from yesterday and then dressed quickly. I was sat at the kitchen table eating some toast as my phone rang, I picked it up and pressed answer, Jess's voice came through dull and plain.

"You okay to come over?" She asked.

"Yeah sure when?"

"Whenever, I know I said I'll come over but I'm too depressed to move."

"Alright be there in fifteen." I leave my half eaten toast and leave the house. I prepare myself for what Jess was going to tell me, It was going to anger me, I know that, but it was obvious that it was already stressing Jess out enough, I needed to be there for her rather than worrying about myself. He just, God he makes me so angry. Now that Jake knows how much of an ass clown Sam really is he may re-think his friendship with him and look for better people to hang around with, God knows it would be better for my health.

As I press the doorbell I stand uncomfortably, fidgeting from foot to foot. No cars were in their driveway so I guess Jess had the house to herself. The door opens and I put my hand over my mouth. I've never seen Jess look so bad, it was obvious that she hadn't had much sleep last night. He skin was red and blotchy from all the crying she'd been doing and it complimented her blood shot eyes. Her beautiful strawberry blonde hair was tied back into a greasy, messy bun. She pulled me into the house quickly and then slammed the door. Silently we walk up to her room and sat on her bed. She grabs a pillow and hugs it as I position myself so that my back is leaning against her wall. For the first time since I'd got here she looks me in the eye then sighs.

"I know I look awful, please don't point it out."

"No Jess, you look beautiful as always," I say smiling which made her form a small smile herself.

"Okay so after I left your house I met Mike and he took me out for ice-cream. We found one of those like small ice-cream truck things in the park near the mall and so mike lined up to get us some. While he was doing that I sat on a bench and while I was waiting, Sam came and sat down next to me. At first I ignored him but he started to flirt badly and he was like trying to touch my hair and face and stuff. It was creepy as hell. So I shouted at him to get off me, but he didn't and he tried to kiss me." She stopped and bit her tongue, trying to keep the tears away, after taking a deep breath she started again.

"So I slapped him across the face. Granted it wasn't very hard and he just laughed at it. He started to try and kiss me again so I started screaming. Mike soon came to the rescue and he got all defensive. They started to argue and mike punched him first, Sam got really angry and started to beat him up and then out of nowhere Sam's friends joined in and then Mike was on the floor and they just, they wouldn't stop kicking him! I was screaming for them to stop but they wouldn't. I tried Ness I really did. It wasn't until a police officer who must of being patrolling the park or something shouted at them to stop that they took off." She'd come and sat by me now. She was crying and I just I didn't know what to do or how to comfort her. So I held her hand and squeezed it for reassurance.

"How is he now? Did he talk to the police." I ask sensitively.

"He didn't give names and said that he didn't want to press any charges, so it doesn't matter. I think he's scared that if he does they'll hurt him again or me or something. He told me not to talk to the police or give them any names, so I didn't but I know it frustrated the police and our parents."

"I think that you should do what you think is best Jess. That's your decision. I'm just saying that if that was me then I would have told the police."

"I know I should of Ness but Mike is so sensitive right now, I didn't want to push him over the limit." Breathing another deep breath she smiles.

"So tell me what happened with your mom, you were so vague on the phone Ness. Oh and don't you ever, ever disappear from the face of the Earth like that again" Now it was my turn. I let everything go and like I did with Jacob I wept and wept and told Jess everything that happened. She gasped and held me making comments that she though would make me feel better. In the end we both cried, holding each other in a tight embrace.

"I should probably go have a shower, I think we need to go out and get some food." She mumbles still clinging onto my top. I nod my head as a silent reply. She jumps up and heads to the bathroom leaving me alone. Quickly I take out my phone.

Want to go out for lunch?

My phone buzzed moments later, I opened the text and read what it said.

Sure where to?

Meet me at Jess' in half an hour. I text back to him, almost as quickly as I sent the text, Jake replied.

okay love you x

love you too x realizing I didn't have anything left to do I put my ear phones in and close my eyes. I listen to I choose you by Sara Bareilles and get lost in my own world. I travel back to the events of three weeks ago. His story, what he said about mom, about him leaving, he was pretty much spelling it out for me. There was as second there that I actually thought he was a decent person. I didn't feel any hate for him like I thought I would. I thought I would know him instantly and continue my hatred for him, but I didn't realize and I didn't hate him until I finally put the pieces together. Song after song played but all I could concentrate on was that I thought he was a half decent guy, it's so confusing. I know that I hate him, but I also know that I could get along with him.

"Ness I'm ready. Do you want to go?" Jess was dressed and looking as stunning as ever. No one would have known that just this morning she had looked such a mess.

"Yeah sure." A knock came at the door just in time, Jess turned to me eyebrows furred but I just smiled at her. Taking our time we walk down the stairs and then Jess opens the door.

"Hey guys." Jake smiles with enthusiasm.

"Hey Jess I'm really sorry about what happened to Mike." Jake pulls Jess into an embrace. I could see that for him it was awkward but I knew that for Jess it was a comfort to have his support.

We took Jess's car since Jake's truck only seated two people. Jake sat in the back and barely engaged in conversation but it was nice to know he was here and that he was willing to support both me and Jess. We found a small diner and Jess parked in its parking lot. Jacob being Jacob was eager to go inside and get some food and so walked on ahead. Once we were seated a waitress came over to take our order. She was wearing a skirt that barely stopped below her thighs but she had a pretty face that was complimented by the makeup she had on rather than being ruined by it. Because of this she was a threat. She batted her eye lashes at Jacob and I almost laughed out loud.

"You're kidding right?" I smirk at her. She turns to me, she raised a delicate eyebrow as she continues to chew her gum.

"Whatever, what can I get you?" She took our orders and then stalked away shaking her ass as she went.

"She'll probably spit in my milkshake." I mutter as I place my elbows on the table and my head in my hand.

"I just got a text from Mikes mom, she said that he's feeling much happier and that he's doing good. He's at home resting up now" Jess looked up at us smiling, her grin reaching all the way up to her eyes.

"Aww that's great Jess." I say as I reach to hug her, hugging over the table is the stupidest idea that I've ever had since it sort of winded me.

"I swear to God when I get my hands on Sam." Jacob mutters.

"You'll what Jake? You've never been one for fights! You've just stood back and watched them, I honestly can't see you getting in a fight." Jess nods meaning she agreed.

"You've never seen me get angry over defending you Ness, you might be surprised." He says as our oh so lovely waitress brings our drinks over to us. I start so slurp on my milkshake before I answer.

"I'll believe it when I see it." I challenge.

"No, no more fights, I can't handle anyone else getting in to one." Jess says holding one finger up in the air and shaking it side to side.

"Well apart from rocky here." Jacob motions his head towards me; I almost choke on my drink as he does.

"That's a stretch don't you think. I'm pretty sure I barely left a mark." I say coughing loudly.

"Still braver than I." Jess points out.

"Yeah don't mess with Ness." Jake joins in making us all laugh.

"Rocky like her-" Jess stops herself. Only thinking through what she was about to say after she had started her sentence. Everything fell silent, Jess looked down at her lap.

"Like him, well I guess that's one and probably the only one good quality I share with him." Jess saw that I'm not taking it personally and smiles. But inside I was! I didn't want to be anything like him. I didn't want any trace of him because I don't want to be reminded of him, but it's there hidden away in the back of my mind. I am half him and therefore I will be like him.

Our food arrives and as best I could I got involved with the conversation. Jess and Jake talk football. Well Jake talks football, Jess talks cheerleading. So I nod, smile and comment where I was supposed to but otherwise my mind was elsewhere. Until I saw who was coming towards the diner.

"You've got to be kidding me." I mutter. This caused Jess and Jake to look out the window as well. I could feel Jake tense up next to me.

"That's it." Jake says as he wipes his mouth with a napkin and then stalks out to meet Sam. I sigh and rub my face then slump out after him. I don't think I can take seeing Jake get beat to a bloody pulp.

"You." Jake yells as he and Sam get in each other's face.

"You don't want to do this Jake." Sam was surprisingly calm but he was still tense, veins showing in his neck.

"You went after my girlfriend? You wanted to hurt her? That's pretty low even for you Sam." Jake was breathing heavy, anger rising in him.

"She had it coming." Jake didn't even reply he just went straight in for the kills. His fist cracked straight against Sam's Jaw making his head snap to the side with much more force than mine ever did. Sam brought is head back and went to swing for Jake but was to slow, Jake ducked and instead punched Sam in the gut making him hunch over. Sam's friends stood there, not sure who they should be defending or who they should be fighting and so they stayed silent.

Sam straightens up and stalks towards Jacob. They were face to face. Sam's face was a deep red and veins were popping out of his neck now. Jacob was perfectly calm not intimidated by the monster in front of him.

"Back off Jake." Spit and blood flew from Sam's mouth as he shouted in Jake's face. Jacob proceeds to wipe the spit from his face.

"Not gonna happen Sam." He yells and then pushes Sam back making him stumble. Before Sam could attack hands on his shoulder stopped him. Those hands belonged to his friend.

"Come on Sam don't do anything you'll regret." Seth's deep voice came from behind him. Although he was the smallest out of all of them, he was the bravest and quite frankly the wisest. Much like Jacob I had no idea how he wound up in a group like this.

"Yeah come on Sam it's not worth it." Another voice came from behind.

"Sam leave it, you don't want to get in trouble, you got lucky with Mike." Seth encourages. Sam's cold eyes stay on Jake until he turns around. He pushes through his friends and stalks of. One by one they follow him, trailing behind. All except Seth. Jacob nods a silent thank you to him and Seth replies with a nod of his own before walking off after his friends.

"See what did I tell you." Jacob muses as he comes over to me and wraps his arms around my waist.

"No one is more important than you Ness." He whispers and then kisses me lovingly. Falling into the kiss I smile on his lips as my belly did flips.

"You two are too cute." Jess says awkwardly which was my cue to pull away.

"Ness its 4:30! I only have an hour to get home and do something nice with my hair." Jess checked her watch and then pointed at her head frantically. I laugh at her and then shake my head. Going back to the car Jake was a lot more talkative, but as we get to the car someone passes us. His hair was black and from the back you could see his muscular frame, he was tall and slim and looked so strong. I couldn't stop the word escaping my mouth.

"Asshole." I shout causing the guy to turn around. I feel my face drain of blood as I see the guys face. He was not who I thought he was. He looked shocked and startled like he couldn't quite believe what he'd heard. Slowly without a word he turned around and walked away.

"What was that about?" Jacob asked quizzically.

"I thought it was someone else." I mutter, feeling embarrassed and humiliated. I sat in the back and Jake sat in the front this time. I didn't listen to their conversation. I felt sick and the car journey felt like it took forever. I've never done that before, I can't believe I'm now imagining that I see him. This isn't right! I hate him, I want to hate him and I have all of my life. Why couldn't he just stay away? I wouldn't be feeling so confused if he had just stayed away like he was supposed to.

"Ness?" Jess's soothing voice woke me and my eyes snapped open.

"Okay sleepy head?" Jacob says, helping me out of the car. I lean on him for support as he helps me onto the pavement. I yawn a little.

"Yeah I'm fine, just a bit tired that's all, I'll call you later okay." I kiss Jake on the cheek. He then proceeds to get into his truck. He waves as he drives away.

"Ready to curl my hair?" Jess says, eyes wide with a massive grin on her face. I laugh and then follow her into her house.

Jess sits on the floor and I sit on her bed. We settle into silence as I curl her hair, distracting things on both of our minds. I never thought I would meet him but I always pictured a situation where I did. I always thought of smart and offensive things to say. There's so much that it's hard to remember every reason, every point I wanted to tell him that made me hate him. But I can't think of anything. Have you ever got that feeling where you've got so much to say but you don't know what to say or what order to say it in. My mind is running so wild that it feels blank. It's the most frustrating thing in the world because I'm never lost for words but when it comes to this, I just don't know how to say it all.

"There done." I say curling the last strand of her perfect hair and then turn off her curling iron.

"Thank you." Jess proceeds to stick bobby pins in her hair as she creates a messy but elegant up do. One again she checks her watch as she unplugs her curling iron and sets it on the heat proof mat.

"Ready to go?" She asks shrugging her jacket onto her shoulders smoothly.

"Let's go."

Entering the hall I could see that there was a circle of chairs set out, some were taken but most were empty. Jess takes my hand and leads me over to a guy holding a folder.

"Jess, glad you made it." He shows his gleaming smile, his teeth perfectly straight and perfectly bright.

"Ness this is Charlie." Jess says introducing us, breathing in and sticking out her chest a little bit. I could see why! He was gorgeous, he was tall, muscular and had broad shoulders. It was like looking at a super model up close. He was young too, maybe twenty two, twenty three.

"Oh I know you! You called me an asshole like an hour ago." He laughed pointing at me. I feel the heat burn in my cheeks and look down at the floor, oh how embarrassing.

"I'm sorry I thought you were someone else."

"Hey it's cool no harm done." He smiles cockily then writes something down in his folder. Jess drags me over to the circle and we sit down in our chairs. Soon after Jake comes into the hall with fresh new cloths on, trailing behind was Seth. They come and sit by us.

"Hey guys."

"Hey I didn't know you were into drama Seth?" I ask curiously looking over at him. He just shrugs.

"Needed something to do, I'm growing sick of Sam! Oh and Jess I hope you know I was no part of what happened to Mike." He says sympathetically giving her a warm yet apologetic smile. She puts her hands out in front of her as if to tell him that she understands.

"Okay I think this will be it." Charlie announces as he came and sat down in the circle with us. Fourteen of us not including him were sparsely spread out in the circle. I could see the thin smile of disappointment on Charlie's lips.

"Okay so were all going to go around the circle and say our names, I'll start."

"Charlie."

"Angela."

"Erik."

"Alice"

"Jasper"

"Victoria"

"Riley"

"Bree"

"Paul"

"Tyler"

"Emily"

"Jessica"

"Ness"

"Jacob"

"Seth"

"Okay good now were going to play a game. It's called budge okay the game goes like this. If let's say Paul was stood in the middle of the circle and he chose Bree then he would say "Bree budge". Okay then he would start walking towards her. Bree would then look at someone one else and say their name I dunno maybe Victoria before Paul gets to her. She would then start walking towards Victoria and then Victoria would have to be quick enough to say someone else's name and so on. But if you don't say a name before the person who said your name gets to you then you're out, so you got to be quick! Everyone got it?" We all nod our heads and then Jess nominates herself to go in the middle. She sets her eyes on me.

"Ness budge." She starts to walk towards me and I squirm in my seat I look at who is opposite me across the circle and say her name.

"Alice budge." I start to walk to her just as Jess gets to me, she sits in my now vacant seat. Alice picks her target and starts to walk towards them before I reach her so I sit down in her chair. This is sort of fun, I feel loose and relaxed to be honest. Maybe this won't be so bad. When it got to the end it was only Jess and Seth left so Charlie made them stand back to back.

"Okay so I will say a series of objects with each object that isn't a fruit you must take a step forward, when you hear the fruit you have to turn around to your opponent and yell bang. The quickest person wins." They both nod their understanding, Charlie starts.

"Chair." Both of them take a step forward.

"Book." Another step forward, silence had filled the room.

"Table." Jess was fidgeting, I could see that she was concentrating hard on this.

"Ap-"

"BANG." Jess almost screeches making Seth jump.

"le" Charlie finishes, we all clap and laugh as Jess jumps up and down in triumph.

We all sit back in the circle and Charlie passes a pile of song sheets out.

"Pass these around." He commands as he pulls out his guitar.

"Now I know not all of you are going to be singers and that's fine, I'm not a good singer myself, but there's no better way to break the tension like singing a song." He smiles. Groans and sighs come from around the circle, I just look at the sheet that had been passed to me. Wake me up by Aloe Blacc. At least it was a decent song. Charlie starts to play the song on his guitar and comes in with the lyrics, painfully killing the song. Jess joins in for confidence and then she looks at me for help. I role my eyes, open my mouth and let the words come out. Singing quietly I build confidence slowly and finally start to enjoy myself. Others join in but I could feel all eyes on me as we sing. I smile a little and then it grows wider. This is the first time I've sung in front of people I didn't know or trust, but it felt right, it felt comfortable. Soon enough I was singing freely and comfortably. I hadn't realized but everyone else had stopped singing and instead they were clapping me on, as Charlie approached the end of the song he smiled wickedly at me. He put his guitar down and joined in the clapping. I looked around the circle. They were all smiling and clapping not laughing. Small tears prick my eyes and I laugh along to. Out of confidence I stand up and curtsy.

The night went smoothly, we played more games like park bench and chicken. By the end of the session everyone was talking and laughing with each other. There was no individual groups here, just one massive one. As everyone started to disperse Charlie came over to me.

"That's some voice you got there,"

"Thanks." I say shyly. Jacob came and put his hand around my waist lazily.

"Ready to go?" He asks putting a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Will I see you next week?" Charlie asks, I nod my reply and he smiles. It felt good to be noticed I guess, I think I'm going to like it here.

I hug Jess and she makes her way home in her own car. I get into Jake's truck and wave at Seth as he drives away. Reluctantly I tell Jacob to take me to Esme's and Carlisle's. The journey was speechless, mainly because I fell asleep and only woke up after Jake turned the engine of. I say good night to him and then let myself into my grandparents' house.

"Esme? Carlisle?" I call out as I leave my keys on the counter. Instead of an answer I'm met with the presence of him.

"Uh nice day?" he asked hopelessly. Rolling my eyes I bite my tongue and walk past him. I hear him sigh but I keep walking up to my bedroom that Carlisle and Esme had for me. As I get changed into my Pj's I feel that unfamiliar tightness in my chest. I start to heave and I know that I was about to up chuck . Quickly I run to the bathroom down the hall. Slamming the door I barely make it to the toilet before I vomit my lunch up. Throwing up into the toilet I then sit against the wall next to the toilet feeling weak and limp. I hadn't been sick in so long that it made me feel unsteady and upset, like a little child tears come to my eyes.

"Renesmee." A small knock comes from the other side of the door.

"Go away." I call out in dismay.

"Renesmee please, let me help you. What do you need? Just tell me." He answered meaningfully.

"I need you to leave me alone." My voice broke and silently I started to weep. Why wouldn't he leave, he was not the person I needed right now.

For a while there was silence. But then Edward pushed the door open, silently he came and sat opposite me on the bathroom floor. He handed me some aspirin and a glass of water. I look at him with hard glazed eyes but take the offering from him. The water was chilled and felt good against my hot forehead. I didn't take the tablets, instead I reached my arm up and put them next to the sink.

"Thanks." I say tight lipped as I hand him back the now empty cup. We sit there for a while just looking at him. Like I said I had all of this stuff to say to him but every time I wanted to tell him something it's like all my hateful thoughts had scattered. Too far to reach. Silently I got up of the floor and sluggishly walked to my room. That night I dreamed of a perfect family, with a happy little girl who loved and knew both of her parents.

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**If you have any comments or anything to mention, leave a review would love to hear from you.**


	5. Chapter 5

It had been a week today since Mom had gone on vacation. I'd been going out early and then coming back late in a hope to avoid Edward. This also meant that I hadn't seen a whole lot of Carlisle and Esme. In a way I was okay with that because honestly I didn't know what to say to them. I wasn't really angry at them because I'd always seen them as my grandparents anyway, it's just hard considering I always trusted them to tell me the truth.

Esme sat lightly on the end of my bed waking me from my slumber. She smooth's the hair out of my face and smiles down at me meaningfully. I push myself up and lean my back against my headboard.

"Hi sweetie." She smiles warmly.

"We haven't seen an awful lot of you this past week!" she reaches out her hand and takes mine in it. I smile up at her sweetly.

"You can't really blame me can you?" I say mildly and she shakes her head in agreement.

"Carlisle was wondering if you wanted to go fishing with him today."

"Are you kidding?" I laugh doubtfully at her. Her smile widens and then Carlisle himself comes into the room.

"Fishing is cool." He defends himself, sitting next to Esme on my bed.

"Fishing is boring." I reply, laughing at his shocked face.

"Well I felt like it would be a good bonding trip for us." He says. I look at him confused.

"We don't need a bonding trip Carlisle, were fine trust me."

"I didn't mean for us." I look at him bleakly and see why they were in here being all nice, they wanted to gang up on me. Letting go of Esme's hand I look straight ahead, not looking at either of them.

"You're kidding right?" I ask dully as I crawl out of bed and head for the door.

"Renesmee wait." Carlisle sighs, standing up. I turn to look at him, crossing my arms across my chest.

"We'll go just us, Edward doesn't need to come." I let my arms drop and then soften my face.

"Look guys, I'm not going to apologize for being difficult I mean you should feel lucky that I'm staying in the same house as him and that I haven't took off yet. I don't want to talk to him okay we have nothing to discuss. I don't want or need him in my life." Esme puts her face in her hands and sighs. She shakes her head slightly. As she looks up there was hardness, coldness in her eyes.

"Ness, he is trying! I have to say I'm disappointed. I thought that you at least would act maturely about this situation. And you wonder why we didn't tell you." Esme walks off silently, out of my room and down the hall. My mouth had dropped open, I suddenly felt guilt, like I had done something wrong. Small tears threaten to attack my eyes so I tighten my jaw and push them away. Quietly Carlisle brings me into an embrace. I wrap my arms around his waist and cry into his shirt.

"She's just torn that's all sweetheart, she doesn't know where she should be standing and who she should be defending." I nod my head. I didn't have the capability for words right now. I pull away from Carlisle and then head for the bathroom. In a rush I lock the door and then turn on the shower. Painful tears leaked out of my eyes as I put the toilet seat down and then sat on it. I felt like she was blaming me, like I wasn't being reasonable, maybe to her I wasn't but I can't help my feelings. Maybe I'm not being reasonable, and if I wasn't well then it's something they're going to have to put up with.

"Ness." Carlisle's smooth caring voice came from outside the door.

"I'm just taking a shower and then I'll get dressed and we can go." I shout out to him, sniffing away the pain. I step into the shower instantly the hot steamy water touches my sensitive skin and I shiver with pleasure. Standing there I let the water cover my hair, letting it drench it and weight me down. It was like the water was grabbing all of my feelings and taking it with it because I started to feel a bit more relaxed. Slowly I grab the shampoo and start singing to myself quietly. I guess it was the only thing right at this second that would stop me from going insane.

After showering I dress in some old jeans, and an old t-shirt and my black scuffed up converse. Slowly I make my way down the stairs. Edward, Esme and Carlisle were all standing at the bottom of the stairs. All three of them stop what they're talking about and look up at me. Keeping my head held high I look only at Carlisle.

"Ready to go?" I ask as I pass him clearing my throat and grabbing my coat.

"Don't you want any breakfast?" He asks politely but I just shake my head at him and then walk out into the kitchen and out the back door. I stand next to Carlisle's car and wait for him to come out. I look up at the sky and see that black clouds covering the entire sky. Soon enough Carlisle comes out the back door and locks it. Silently he shrugs his coat on and unlocks the car. We get in and set off. The drive was quite, the air cold until he broke the tension.

"When you're father told us that your mother was pregnant, I thought that he was joking. I slapped him on the back and told him that he was funny. I was laughing until I saw Esme's face."

After he saw that I wasn't going to say anything he carried on.

"Esme's face had slackened, I've never seen her go so white, I thought she was going to faint. That's when I knew that he wasn't joking. I threw a fit! I told him he was irresponsible and stupid. I screamed and yelled at him but that night, After Esme had finally drifted to sleep I went to his room. Before I knocked I could hear him crying. It broke my heart. That night I stayed slumped on the floor and listened to him cry. I realized how hard it was going to be for him and your mother and that I had acted immaturely."

I look at him, I nod at him silently telling him to go on.

"As the months went by, your mother was kicked out of her own home and was living with us, we were getting prepared for you to come and things started to look up, instead of looking at it as two teenagers who weren't going to live their lives, we looked at it as two teenagers taking a step towards their bright future. There was nothing else to do, you were almost here and everyone loved you."

"Yah right." I mutter under my breath.

"I mean it Renesmee, everyone was looking forward to meeting you, that was until your father got a letter accepting him into college. It was his dream and I knew, his mother knew that he was torn between what is and what could be. He told your mom that he wouldn't go but when it came down to it, it was an opportunity he couldn't pass up."

"His life was more important than mine right?" I say looking at him. His lips tighten but he carries on his story.

"He was there for your birth. He held you once. Your mother had no idea that he was leaving, until the next day when he packed up and left. He left your mother a letter which she read, she was heartbroken but she was strong and held on to herself for you. She's brave your mother don't ever forget that."

"I was so disappointed in him. I'd always taught him to face up to his responsibilities not run away from them but I guess for him this responsibility was just too big. I was angry at him for some time. Esme however reminded me what he was. he was just a kid, he was scared and didn't know what to do. Being scared is something you cannot blame him for."

"When decent people are scared they face their fears and come out a better person Carlisle."

"What I'm trying to say is that everyone makes mistakes when they're younger and it takes guts and determination to own up to those mistakes and try to fix them."

"So he waits sixteen years." I point out, when he doesn't reply I role my eyes and lean my head against the window.

"For the first few years of your life your mom although she wanted him in her life couldn't forgive him for what he'd done and she didn't want him in your life which is understandable. But as you got older you took on your own views and it was decided that it would be best for you two not to meet until and if you decided that you wanted to meet him."

"So this is all my fault?" I asked shocked.

"No Ness I'm not saying that but, you can't honestly say that you've never made a mistake?"

"No but-"

"Well there we go then, no one is perfect sweetheart, I know that he made a big mistake but he's trying even harder to fix it. I know you don't like him and you have very good reasons, but in his situation wouldn't you want a chance Ness? He can only do so much sweetie, if you sat with him and just listen you would see that you have a lot in common with him. Be the beautiful, mature, caring and smart person I know you are Ness."

I moan and cover my face sinking into the seat I was sat in, I sigh to myself. Little pieces of my wall coming of and I could feel Carlisle's influence poking through.

Rain was hitting the windshield hard now, not really the weather for fishing.

"I uh, If it will make you happy Carlisle I don't know, maybe I can stand one meal with him." I could see the smile on Carlisle's face and I smile lightly too. If anyone was going to be right about something it was Carlisle, I mean I guess that's why he married Esme because they're two peas in a pod, both of them are rarely wrong.

"Well I guess fishing is out of the question." He says as he parks in the beach parking lot. I look over at him and bat my eye lashes.

"We could go for breakfast and I can tell you all about that new drama club I've started."

Carlisle nodded his approval and then braved the rain. As he got out he motioned for me to follow him. Breathing in I rush out the car and laugh as I saw Carlisle's face.

"No rain coat huh?" I laugh as his grey hair falls limp and water drains down on his face. Quickly he locks the car and then we rush into the small café across the road. After ordering food Carlisle puts his wet stare on me.

"So tell me about this new drama club." He says slurping his coffee, it makes me cringe a little but I turn my attention towards his question.

"It's actually really good, Charlie the group leader is really funny, he cut the atmosphere really well and I think It's something that I'm actually going to stick too. They, they even heard me sing." His eyebrows shoot up and he puts his coffee cup down.

"Well they certainly are privileged."

"Not to change the subject on you but your dad, he has a pretty good voice." I turn my head to the side and look at him, what is he trying to do to me?

"So anyway, they're going to be doing their own production of grease, I'm actually excited, it's something to look forward to each week."

"Well I can't wait to see that, can I expect to see you as the lead?"

"I don't think so, I mean I can sing a little but Jess Is the real star, she will fight like hell to be Sandy and I'm cool with that." A lady brought over our food and I smell the perfect aroma of pancakes with fruit and syrup. Taking small bites we eat our food in silence.

"The first time that I ever heard Edward sing was when he came home from middle school and told us he was in the chorus."

"Carlisle you've already won me over but honestly there's only so much I can take until I go crazy. You forget that I'm still angry at him."

"Hush now child, granddad is talking. Plus this silence is killing me Ness." I laugh at him and slurp my juice. Swallowing my pride I keep listening.

"He started to sing, or practice and his voice, it just filled the house with a little bit of heaven. His mother was so proud of him and I was filled with pride. Every time you sing Ness, it does the same , I'm so filled with pride I don't have many friends who can say that their grandchild is as talented as you." I could feel the heat rise in my cheeks, I knew that I was bright red but I look at my grandfather and smile widely.

"Thanks Carlisle."

"Shouldn't you call me granddad?"

"I've never called you granddad and trust me I'm not going to start now, you've always been Carlisle, that's how it's going to stay." He'd already accepted this I know he had, he was already my granddad before I found out who my father was. Nothing was going to change with that.

My attention turns back to Esme as I eat. I understand I guess, a mother will always protect and stick up for their child. Well in most cases, but it was hard to accept that she was against me with this, Esme as far as I was concerned was always on my side no matter what. It just felt so alien that she was sticking up for him and not me. Everyone's making me feel like I should put myself in Edwards shoes, but it doesn't feel like anyone is putting themselves in my shoes. Everyone's decided what they think is best and never asked me what I thought was best.

"Is Esme mad at me?" I mutter, Carlisle's face slackened but his eyes turn soft.

"Esme found it hard to let go of Edward when he went to college but she found it even harder to accept that he had ran away from his responsibilities. She felt like everyone was against him and that it wasn't fair, as his mother she felt like she should be the one to defend him and on many occasions she has."

"She can't blame me though; in all honesty it felt like she was blaming me this morning." I look anywhere but at him, she had made me feel ashamed of myself.

"Sweetheart." He took my hand which made me look up at him.

"Esme just wants her family together." This made me feel even worse, so now I was the reason the family wasn't getting along.

"Well we can all have dinner tonight after I've gone to drama." He showed his pearly white teeth at me, his grin wicked and wide.

"That's my girl."

I was lounging around the house when Jacob rang the bell at five. Carlisle and myself traveled back home after we had eaten, not seeing much point in staying since the weather hadn't let up and had actually gotten worse. The car journey home was calm, we talked more about drama and not a word about Edward was mentioned. I've had the house to myself since. Carlisle had taken Esme out shopping and Edward, well who the hell knows where he is.

"Come in I shout." Jacob comes in from the kitchen dripping wet. I laugh at him as I see what he's wearing.

"Why the fuck are you wearing shorts?" I ask biting my lip to keep in my laughter. He looked at me blankly, not amused.

"please, don't talk about it." I grab a towel out of the drier and then throw it to him, he rubs his hair dry and then sits next to me on the Sofa.

"I talked to Sam." My eyes bulged out and I looked at him sternly for a while until he spoke again.

"He said he's sorry."

"You're kidding right?" I curl my lower lip into my mouth and bite down shaking my head.

"He apologized, he told me to say sorry to you."

"You're kidding right?" I repeat. He sinks lower into the sofa, seeing where this was going to go.

"Let's just get going ok ?" He says changing the subject quickly. I follow Jacob out as he leaves wet footprints on the hard wood floor I stare at the back of his head not believing what I'd just heard.

Slamming the door to his truck as I get in, cross my hands over my lap and look straight ahead.

"Look Ness, he apologized I wasn't going to hold a grudge, I'm over it! I'd rather not live in the past; I don't have the patience to hate someone like you do." He spat at me, his mood change was incredible. He had no idea, he had no idea how much I was trying to see the good in Edward, not for him but for the people around me that I love.

"Fuck you Jake." Defending myself meant that the car journey was silent. Both of us were angry and I knew that when Jake was angry he wasn't going to back down.

I got out of the truck just as he parked, he hadn't even turned the engine of. I left the door of his truck open and then stomped into the hall. Jacob shouted something unrecognizable.

Stomping over I sit in the seat in-between Jess and Alice.

"What's wrong?" She asks immediately, not looking up from her phone.

"Jacob."

"Oh, want to talk about it?" She asks, she looked up from her phone and looked at me sensitively.

"No, not right now." I said just as Jacob strolled in, hands in his pockets like nothing had happened. He sat across the circle from me, sitting next to Seth. He looked in every direction apart from mine. Prick.

"Alright ladies and Gents this looks like is it we might as well start." Charlie's voice came from the other side of the hall, he came and sat in the circle, sitting next to Jacob. This time there was the right amount of chairs for everyone. 15 exactly.

"Good to See everyone okay to start off I'm going to give you a sentence. Two people will stand in the middle and one person will start off by saying this sentence, they will then improvise a scene from this sentence until someone shouts freeze. That person will then ether join the scene or take someone's position and place. They then have to create a new situation by coming up with a sentence of their own. There can only be three people in the circle at one time. Does everyone understand?" nodding, two volunteers enter the circle. Alice and Erik.

"Okay your sentence is 'mom do you know where my socks are?', and Erik I'd like you to start."

Erik bent over as if he was looking for something and then said "Mom do you know where my socks are?"

Alice turned to him, her eyes wide. She threw her hands up by either side of her head and then screamed.

"Who are you? What are you doing in my house?" She cried pointing a finger at him. Erik straightens up looking confused.

"What?" He said timidly.

"Erik stay in character." Charlie calls nodding his head and smiling for encouragement.

"Your house this is my house." Erik put his hands on his hips.

"Daddy." Alice screamed.

"Freeze." Both me and Jake shout. Charlie gestures for both of us to go up. Jake taps Erik's shoulder taking his place. I stand in front of Jake who was standing next to Alice.

"Ness take it away." Charlie was sat on the end of his seat in anticipation.

"Did you bring the stuff?" I ask all nervous as I put my hands up in front of me as I pretend to drive a car.

"I don't think we should do this, I'm scared." Alice says looking at Jacob and then wraps her hand around his arms.

"We have to, or they're going to catch us." He says all manly like, I could see out of the corner of my eye that he puts his hand around Alice.

"It isn't-"

"We killed someone Alice." I say almost yelling.

"Don't yell at her." Jacob says sternly, pulling Alice closer to him. I clench my Jaw as heat rises in me.

"Ness slow down." Alice cries out. Of course I wasn't aware that I was going fast in this imaginary car but I play along changing the gears of my invisible car.

"Watch out for that Tree." Jacob yells. Myself and Alice scream in unison. I put my hands up in front of me to protect myself just as Jess, Bree and Riley all shout freeze.

Smiling to myself I sit down as Jess taps me on the shoulder. When I look over at Jake however my face slackens. Alice had sat next to him. They were laughing and joking. She was touching his arm being all flirty and he wasn't doing anything about it, he was purposely trying to make me jealous. Not letting Jacobs little plan affect me I get involved with the game and laugh at the scene that had been made up.

The night went brilliantly but it sucked that I had to purposely avoid my own boyfriend because he was trying to make me jealous. Charlie had put us in two groups of five and one group of four. I was in a group with Jess, Riley, Alice and Jacob. The subject was pregnancy. Jess of course was orchestrating the whole thing.

"Okay were in the hospital. We have a doctor, a girlfriend and boyfriend and a mother and father, the mother isn't happy with what's going on and makes her feelings very clear."

"I want to be the girlfriend Alice says raising her hand." Jess shrugs and then nods her head. "Sure." She says, motioning for Alice to sit down. I know that Jess was dying to be the doctor.

"Jess why don't you be their doctor." I suggest

"You know me to well." She muses.

"I think Jake should be my boyfriend." We turn our heads to Alice as she speaks up, Jess looked a little confused as she nods her head. I roll my eyes at Jake as he doesn't say anything and sits down next to Alice.

"I guess that leaves you and Riley as the mother and father." Jess says. We both sit down and Jess moves her chair so that she's facing us.

"Okay so I've just done a pregnancy test, you're definitely pregnant." Jess starts. Alice covers her mouth, smiling and Jake puts his arm around her looking down at her smiling lovingly.

I put my face in my hands and sigh. Riley sits there awkwardly but is the first to speak, some hostility in his voice.

"Alice you're smarter than this."

"Dad please don't" She says leaning forward.

"I talked you through this you stupid girl, I talk to you about being safe! For God's sake you're sixteen." I don't shout but instead stay calm in a serious sort of way.

"Mom we planned this." Alice says calmly. Jess was turning her head to each reply intrigued on what was happening.

"You what." I stand, feeling stupid but I keep my character going.

"Who do you expect to support this baby? Neither of you have a job, he's just trouble and I bet you expect to be a happy family. He'll be gone before you know it darling and then where will you be?" I point a finger at Jacob. Riley had gotten up now, his hands were on my shoulders trying to keep me at bay.

"Please if I could speak." Jake says rising to his feet.

"No sunshine you may not speak." I say mockingly. Jake puts his hands in his pockets, standing there he looks all cocky.

"Please if we could all sit down I'm sure we can talk about this and I can assure you, I will help you get as much support as I possibly can."

"Please you're not a Councillor, you're a doctor. She's pregnant. The problem is already there."

"I may not have a job but I will find a way to support us." Alice had stood as Jake was talking. She put her hand on her belly and nodded agreeing with him. I looked at both of them unbelieving of what I was hearing.

"You can barely look after yourselves. You should have thought about support before you knocked my daughter up. You'll run! Just as soon as the responsibilities get too hard." I was shouting now. Riley had taken as step back and everyone in the hall was looking at me. Dropping my hand I go red, realizing that I had got lost in the scene. Somewhere from in the hall Charlie started to clap.

"Now that is how you get into character. Well done Ness." He said but I was already walking out of the hall. It was pouring down now but I just walked through it pushing my hood up over my head.

"Ness come on don't be like this." Jacob's voice came from behind me. He grabs my arm and I turn around.

"You knew what you were doing with Alice Jake, I'm not stupid. Dick move asshole." I mutter pulling my arm away and walking away from him. I don't look back and as I turn the corner I start to run. Holding my hood up I make the thirty five minuet walk back to Carlisle's and Esme's in fifteen minutes by just running. I would deal with Jacob tomorrow.

Walking into the kitchen I see a hot meal had been placed on the table with different foods placed in separate bowls. Edward, Carlisle and Esme were all sat around the table.

"Little wet there Ness?" Carlisle laughed as I run up stairs to change. Once I'd changed I walk silently back into the kitchen. They had already started plating up their food and were eating.

"Come here my girl." Carlisle says patting the chair next to him. I sit next to him and look opposite. Edward was there eating. He smiled at me.

"So how was drama dear?" Esme was back to Esme. I turn my attention to her as I plate up my food.

"It was interesting; I'm really enjoying it there." I say enthusiastically as I pop some mash potatoes into my mouth.

"That's good love, can't wait to see you perform. Carlisle said that you're going to be doing grease." I nod my head and swallow.

"If we get some more people I don't think we can put on a production of grease with fifteen of us."

"Oh and they heard me sing." I say proudly.

"That's brilliant dear." Esme says her smile wide and proud.

"You sing?" Edward speaks for the first time since we started eating. He was looking at me intently.

"A little." I murmur looking down at my food.

"Me too." He says enthusiastically, I could feel the smile in his voice.

"Cool." Was all I could say. Biting my tongue and swallowing down my hostility.

"He plays guitar as well." Esme muses.

"Really?" I ask looking up at him surprised. He just smiled nodding at me.

"So you're musical?"

"I used to be yeah."

"I guess that makes sense, mom is tone deaf." I laugh a little to myself.

"I can remember yeah. She tried to serenade me once, it was so bad I had to start singing with her just to stop my ears from bleeding." We all laugh, even me. For the first time I smile at him and he smiles back. Maybe this wasn't such a bad idea.

After dinner I kissed Carlisle and Esme telling them that I was going to bed.

"Goodnight sweetheart." Esme says as I start to climb the stairs.

"Goodnight." Edward calls. I stop mid stride and turn to him.

"Goodnight." I say smiling slightly then carry on up the stairs to my room.

I slept well that night. Well until I woke up in a cold sweat with a call from Jacob.

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**Hope you're enjoying the story leave a review if you have anything to say! would love to hear from you!**

**As always thank you to my beta Sweet and sassy nessie **


	6. Chapter 6

"Hello?" I say all groggy and still half asleep I rub my eyes, still laying down in bed.

"Hello sweetheart." Sam's cocky patronizing voice came from the other end of the phone all low and deep I guess he thought I wouldn't know it was him and if I wasn't so tired I would have laugh at him for being stupid .

"Goodnight." I mutter down the phone as I press the end button and turn over to go back to sleep. My phone buzzed again mother fucker won't anyone let me sleep. I reached over and answer it.

"What." I say angrily.

"Just thought you should know that Alice and Jacob hooked up tonight, I sent you the photo I took on Jake's phone of them kissing. Enjoy." Sam's voice over the phone was loud and clear. All of a sudden I was wide awake and alert. Turning on my bedside lamp I scroll through my texts and sure enough there was a photo sent from Jake's number. I stare at the photo in disbelief. Her hands were on his face, my Jake's face and they were kissing. He'd placed his hands on her hips and it didn't look like he was making any effort to push her away. Staring blankly at my bedroom wall I burst into tears, I knew that he was mad and that he was just trying to make me jealous but this, this was too far. I don't see what his logic in this is because that, that is cheating and if he thinks I'm going to forgive him for this, then he is seriously wrong.

"Renesmee." The sound made me jump, the lump in my throat almost chocked me.

"What?" I say fighting the tears.

"What's wrong?"

"Please just go away Edward." I say keeping my voice down. This man is so disobedient because he pushes the door open and makes his way into my room, sitting on the end of my bed by my feet.

"Why are you crying?"

"Why are you in here? Where you standing outside my door, how the hell did you hear me crying? Come on dude that's creepy." I spit at him, turning my nose up at him.

"And here I thought we were making progress." He mutters through tight lips. His eyes drift down to my phone that I had placed in my lap, I could see his eyebrows shoot up.

"I was heading to the bathoom when I heard you crying, Isn't that supposed to be your boyfriend?" he asks, pointing to my phone. I snatch my phone up and glare at him but then let my face fall.

"Yes." I sigh glumly.

"But that's not you." He says, I look at him with my jaw clenched.

"No fucking shit Sherlock." He doesn't even reply instead just looks at me kindly. Again I just sigh.

"I don't have it in me to hate anyone else." I say as I break down, tears spilling out of my eyes faster than I could wipe them away. Slowly Edward moves up to the top of my bed and then sits by me. He bringing his feet onto my bed and then stretches them out. Hesitantly he brings me into him, putting his arm around my shoulder, hugging me. As I go to push him away I felt it, I felt the warmth, the love, the comfort and security that moms hugs always offer. I was broken and weak and in my moment of need I cry into him instead of pushing away. Slowly and pitifully I drift back to sleep.

Waking up with a jolt I sit up and spread my arms. Feeling much more refreshed I rub my face and then stumble out of bed. When I stood up I felt a deep pain in my belly that I felt rising up my body, up to my throat. Tear spring to my eyes with desperation and so again I sprinted to the toilet and threw up. Taking each step steady I make my way down stairs and sit at the kitchen table, nibbling on the toast that Esme had placed on the table for me.

Esme came down stairs in a rush, she was all flustered and was looking for something.

"What are you looking for?" I ask casually.

"Nothing dear, don't you worry. Now I need to talk to you! My mother she's been taken into the hospital, she's been sick for a while now and she's gotten worse. I have to go over and see her so Carlisle and I are flying over to France now. Edward is going to stay here with you."

"What?" I say spitting my food out, then looking around in embarrassment

"Do you want world war three to happen?" I ask her wiping my mouth with the napkin she'd handed me with.

"Ness, just please stop thinking about yourself for one second. My mother, your great grandmother is very sick." She says sternly at me. My shoulders slump and I knew that she was right.

"Besides, I wouldn't leave you if you weren't safe! It should only be for a week or so." She says calmly, coming over to where I was sat and kissing me on the head.

"I know." I sigh as Carlisle comes into the kitchen lugging two very big suitcases out. Edward quickly trails after him taking one of them out of his father's hands.

"Thanks son." Carlisle's panting and breathing quickened as he lugged the case out of the house and into the car, Edward however did not struggle at all.

Barefoot I walk over to the car and give Carlisle a hug.

"You be good now kiddo. Be the responsible, mature and loving person I know you are." He says soothingly. Hesitantly I let go at him.

"Yes Carlisle."

"That's my girl." He smiles as he gets into the car and then starts the engine. Esme had already gotten into the car and was eager to leave.

I waved as they drove away. I felt like crying. I couldn't stay at Jacobs because I don't know what we are at the moment and I wasn't going to stay at home by myself, that didn't feel right so I don't have a choice, I have to stay here and try my best efforts to get on with Edward. What's worse is after last night it's becoming less and less of an effort to treat him like a human being.

Going back inside I Sit down to finish the rest of my breakfast, Edward walks past me not saying anything, I hear his footsteps as he goes up stairs.

Soon after I'd finished, cleaned up my plate and my mess a dramatic rhythm of banging came from the back door, I open it and see a very sweaty Jacob.

"Ren-" I shut the door on him and walk over to the fridge, opening the door I look inside. Meanwhile Jacob had opened the door (It was never locked anyway) and had proceeded to explain himself.

"She came onto me Ness, she grabbed my face and Sam took a picture of her kissing me, I didn't even realize he had my phone, trust me I pushed her away when I realized what was happening." Closing the fridge door I look past him, like he was empty space.

"Renesmee come on you don't think I would ever do that to you? Honestly." He says coming up to me and taking me by the shoulders. His thumbs run my shoulders in a comforting sort of way. I look down at his hands and then shove him away from me, he stumbles but I don't care. I cross my hands over my chest and with tears in my eyes I walk over to the door and open it. Jacob's head falls and slowly he walks out. As he goes to leave he looks into my eyes. His beautiful eyes were blood shot and full of tears. Without hesitation I grab his face and kiss him passionately. His hand goes into my hair and gets tangled in it while his other hand pulls me closer to him by my waist. Delicately I let my tongue slip into his mouth, I tease and play with his tongue, knowing very well that it was turning him on, he moans appreciatively into my mouth. Slowly he pulls away from me, he leans his forehead against mine softly and as he does I find my voice.

"So did she kiss you like that or better yet did you go ahead and fuck her too because you love fucking with my feelings don't you Jacob." Before he could respond I push him out the door and lock it. Sliding to the floor I fight back the tears because I was strong and I was brave and soon enough Jacob will give me the space and time I need to recover from his stupidity. Jacob has his phone on him at all times because of this reason, because he doesn't want anyone on his phone when he's drunk so what he's saying doesn't really add up.

"Did you get rid of the trash?" Edward asks as he comes into the kitchen. I ignore is lame attempt at him being funny and sit on the cold hard floor wondering why all of this shit happens when mom leaves and is on vacation because she's the person I need right now.

Like he did before Edward came and sat with me on the floor. Silence fell over us, I appreciated that he didn't bother me with his constant worrying and annoying confidence to talk to me but most of all I liked that he didn't ask what happened with Jake. Probably because he was listening anyway.

"Do you want to do something today? Anything you want and we'll do it." Confidently he moves a little closer to me, causing me to look at him.

"Are you for real?" I say in a whisper, trying to hold back the tears.

"I will take you wherever you want! While we drive you can tell me every feeling every nasty thought you've ever had about me, you can get all of your anger and feelings out and I'll understand I'll promise you that! You'll have closure knowing that you finally told the asshole who was supposed to be your dad how you feel about him." Looking at him I couldn't hold the small smile that threatened to form.

After showering, dressing and then throwing up my breakfast, I stalk down the stairs and shrug on my jacket. Edward was standing patiently as I come out of the back door. Locking the door I walk up to the passenger door, which he had opened for me and get in.

As he got in himself, instead of putting his seat belt on he turned to me and smiled a little.

"Boys are idiots, they make stupid decisions and then beg for forgiveness, I would know I was one, I just wish I was around to have told you that earlier." He then proceeds to buckle himself up and start the car.

"Jake's a typical guy but he's just fallen into the wrong crowd." I say as I find myself defending him. This made me even more frustrated, I didn't know what side I should be on and who I should be defending.

"If he's a typical guy then he makes his own decisions Renesmee, just remember that." He sounds like he talks from experience, so I just nod and role my eyes at him. Sure I was taking it in but that doesn't mean I was going to act on his advice. I mean where the hell has he been for the last sixteen years? Living up his life and having all his freedom. He doesn't deserve that parent satisfaction of me taking his advice.

"When I was younger, mom used to tell me about you, nothing mean not really just that you decided not to stay with her but that you still loved me. But then I would hear her late at night crying on the phone and I used to think, why would anyone be so mean, so nasty to my mom?" we were driving now so I filled the space with what he promised I could say and talk about.

"All my friends had two parents. They would talk about their dads and they would draw pictures of both their parents. I would just draw a picture of mom. The most humiliating experience I had was in elementary school when I was in first grade. We were making father's day cards in class and I was the only one not making one. They started to laugh at me and make fun of me for not having a dad. You think that it wouldn't have mattered that we were too young to notice such a difference like that, but we weren't and because of that I've always resented you for never being around."

"I wanted to be." He resorted quietly.

"But you weren't, mom struggled for so long, I mean when she was desperate Carlisle and Esme would give her money but other than that she was on her own. Did you know, she apologized over and over about how I couldn't go to the movies, or how I couldn't go bowling with my friends because she couldn't afford it. Until she got the job she has now Esme and Carlisle were paying for my clothes they were paying for me to go out with my friends." I say angrily, my temper boiling inside of me.

"Is that what they told you?" He asks surprised, I just look at him in shock, was he not taking this in or something.

"Whenever your mom needed money to support you I was the one who transferred money over to her bank account." Oh so more lies, breathing in and counting to ten I swallow down my temper.

"When I was in fourth grade mom told me why you really left, she told me what really happened and honestly I've never felt so unwanted and so unloved in all my life. Up until that point I resented you, I didn't hate you. After mom told me about you, how you were a coward and ran away, I hated you with a burning passion. I'd never been so angry in all my life. I never wanted to meet you because in my eyes you were a sad excuse for a human being, you were lower than shit in my mind."

"I started to realize that I was like you in some ways, I love the outdoors. I love the woods and how everything is so naturally beautiful. I like to sing. I'm disobedient just like you and obviously like you I don't think about my actions I just jump right into a situation. I hated it, but what I was scared most about is that something was going to happen in my life something huge and I was going to cower and run away from it. I didn't want to be a coward or be selfish like you. I didn't want to make the same mistakes." My mouth had gone dry and I knew that I had finished. It was his turn to speak.

"I came back from college so many times wanting to stay and be in your life. I so almost quit but every time I went back your mom made I clear that I was not to be in your life and that I was just a disappointment. I used to send cards on Christmas and your birthday but again your mom made it clear that she was just chucking them in the trash. I wanted to be in your life Renesmee so bad but I just didn't know where to start."

"You make it sound like it was all moms fault." I point out crossly.

"That's not what I'm trying to get at, your mom was difficult to deal with but I couldn't blame her, I deserved it. Back then I would have never been much of a father anyway."

"So why would you be a good one now." I laugh at him, feeling the hurtful feelings rise in me.

"Because I've lived a life of regret, I've lived knowing that I have a daughter in this world hating me and knowing the woman that I love wants nothing to do with me. I've grown and developed and I know now that I'm ready to face my mistakes."

"Woman that you used to love." I point out as I register his mistake.

"No, the woman that I love." He corrected me looking straight ahead at the road. I visually see him tense up and for the first time in my life I feel sorry for him.

"So can we go to the book store please?" I ask quickly changing the subject and putting some lightness in my voice.

"Sure what were you looking for?" He asks, he smiles in appreciation of the change in conversation.

"I want to get the maze runner series and read the first one before it comes out as a film, oh and some more of John greens books. I read the fault in our stars and I'm pretty sure it changed how I view life." I say smiling at him. I feel myself caught off guard. Just weeks ago I would have never let him into my life let alone sit in a car with him. I feel myself becoming torn between my feelings about him and my common sense telling me to let go. I never expected this to happen.

"Anyone home?" Edward asks casually as he parks the car and unbuckles his seat belt. Blinking quickly I come out of my bubble and nod awkwardly.

"How did we get here so fast?" I ask as I close the door behind me. Edward takes out his car keys and presses the lock button.

"I lived here for almost eighteen years of my life, I know all the short cuts and back alleys Ness." He says grinning widely and then he looks at me with big eyes.

"Sorry, I didn't mean-" he started but I cut him off by holding my hands up in front of me, I was grinning a little myself.

"It's okay."

"You know I wanted to call you Katherine." He says as we stand there looking at each other. I could feel my mouth form an appalled look.

"I prefer Renesmee." I say laughing at him. He nods, smiling to himself. Casually we walk into the mall and go to the bookstore that was placed inside. I scan over all of the books leaving Edward too look around for himself. I grin widely. Picking up the books I wanted I also came across a short story. It was called Star Crossed by Rachel Wing she lives in the Uk. Intrigued I look at the writing the back_. 'Your wish has come true: the lead role in the school production of Romeo and Juliet. Trouble is, Romeo's the one guy in the world you'd like to see dead. But this is your dream and you're not going to let anything stand in your way. Not even falling in love…'_ biting my lips I add the small book to my stack. I hadn't read a short story like this in ages and so it might be a change or maybe a distraction. I find Edward in the adult fiction section. He had a few books under his arm. They were all black, bulky and looked rather boring. Casually he took the stack of books from me and then went to the register .

"That'll be $45.96." The cashier asked politely, smiling to wide and looking sweetly at Edward. Meanwhile I stand there with my mouth open. I honestly couldn't believe that books could come to so much and who in their right mind would pay that amount of money. He looks around at me and laughs.

"As long as it satisfies the imagination, I don't mind." taking the two bags of books Edward leads the way out, I travel after him still in shock.

"You did not seriously pay all of that, for books." I say as I come up beside him and follow his long but casual strides.

"Books feed the mind Renesmee, I don't mind paying for them."

"Thanks." I say smirking at him.

"Where too next?"

"Food court, my breakfast wasn't very filling." I lie, knowing that I had thrown all of my breakfast up. It had already occurred to me that I had thrown up both last night's meal and then the food that I had eaten today, so I was starving. In the back of my mind though I knew something wasn't right, it made me scared to eat.

"Okay well what do you want? If you go find a table then I'll order the food and bring it to you." Edward says helpfully as we round the corner to all of the restaurant and eat in fast food places.

"I'll have a Chicken sandwich meal from McDonalds." Edward gave me the bags and left me as he walked towards McDonalds. I slip through the large amounts of taken tables and budge past people with bad table manners who don't know how to tuck in a chair and find a small table with two chairs tucked under it. Sighing I sit and then take out Star Crossed. Skipping past the Acknowledgements I start to read.

"Good book?" Our tray slams down on the table and it makes me jump, I look up from my book.

"Yeah its interesting it's written with 'you' instead of 'I' you know like in the second person. Which is uncommon. I've never read a book like it, I guess it's a bit more difficult for a writer to write in this style." Edward had started to chow down on his food so I did the same. The greasy, salty fries tasted a whole lot better in my mouth than I expected. So I quickly scoff them down and move onto my sandwich. Taking small bites at first I taste the glorious chicken, with the mayonnaise and lettuce that added a crunch. I couldn't help myself. I ate it in pretty much a few bites. As I wipe my mouth I look up from where my food had once been and take a gulp of coke to wash it all down.

"Well you were hungry." He muses as he finishes of the last of his burger. Embarrassed I shrug my shoulders and pick up the dainty book that I had left on the side of the table. Hiding behind it I start to read. I hear Edward rustle one of the bags as he too gets one of his books and starts reading.

I had gotten to the bit where she was just about to audition for her school production of Romeo and Juliet when I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I felt myself go cold. All of a sudden cold sweats started to take over my body. I didn't dare look up from my book in case he saw my face. Oh no not here. As casually as I could I put my book down and then excuse myself from the table. Not saying a word I take big fast strides in the direction of the bathrooms. Once I enter the restroom I run to a cubical, not having enough time to lock the door I just push it shut so that I'm out of sight and then throw up. Hot tears spring to my eyes as I vomit the last of my lunch up. Sitting against the cubical wall, I reach up and lock the door. Feeling weak and limp I then take some toilet paper to wipe my mouth with.

"What is wrong with me?" I whisper to myself. Holding my belly, I feel the cold sweats pass. Just the flu I think to myself. It'll pass in a week or so, it couldn't get any worse than this. Slowly I get up and flush the toilet. Then in my own time I go over to the sinks and clean my hands. Looking around the restroom I check to see if anyone else had seen what had happened but it was empty. I sigh a breath of relief. As I head to go something caught my eye. There was a machine that supplied tampons and pads for a small price. My hand immediately goes up to my mouth. Everything in my body turns to stone; my heart drops to the pit of my stomach as one of my hands falls and rests on my belly. I'm late. My period hasn't come and I never miss a month. Doing the math I should have had my period around last Thursday, but the party was a few weeks ago which in theory is when the egg is ready to be fertilized, right? Oh I'm so confused.

Walking out of the food court I quickly dash out of sight and head to the Walgreens that is stationed in the mall. Silently I enter the shop and go to the pregnancy isle. I had to find out if I was pregnant. I had to put my racing mind to rest. Slowly I take one and look at the back. It said that it could tell whether I was pregnant from as early as one week after contraception. Gulping down my fear I head to the check out. Looking down I take my wallet out from my pocket and hand the lady a ten dollar bill.

"Anything else hun?" She asks. I take a small peek up at her face. She looked all sad and pitiful so is shake my head and make a quick exit out of the shop and back to the food court. I shove the test into my pocket with my wallet and will myself to calm down. Breathe in through the nose breathe out through the mouth. I didn't want to have to tell him what was going on. He wouldn't understand. He was the one who made the stupid unforgivable mistake. I was the one who got to blame him and feel okay about being spiteful. I didn't want to give him a reason for him to think that we were alike at being fucking idiots.

"What took you so long?" Edward asks as I sit back down on at the table.

"Girls stuff." I murmur. Well I wasn't lying.

"Okay." He says resting his book on the table. "What do you want to do next, maybe we could go to that mini golf place that we passed on the way here. I took your mom to mini golf once. I was quite an expert it used to drive your mother insane." He laughed as he reminisced. I couldn't concentrate on his nice attempt of a bonding trip. How can I be pregnant? Me and Jake were always so careful. Always, I mean he's an idiot but he's not foolish and nether am I. racking my brains made me feel queasy, until. Oh god. We didn't use protection at the party. Leaning back I will myself to keep in my sobs. I will my heart to stay together until we get home where I can find out what I already feel I know.

"You feeling alright Renesmee? You'd don't look great."

"Thanks for pointing that out." I moan a little as I feel a headache coming on.

"Do you want to go home?" he asks sensitively. Edward leans over the table slightly and squeezes my arm kindly in the reassuring way that mom always does. I just nod my head.

Edward picks up our bags and elegantly moves past all of the occupied tables. I trail after him only holding my book. I keep one hand on the pocket that has the test in it so that it wouldn't fall out. The ride home was quiet and lonely. Any efforts of conversation from Edward were killed off when he tried to speak and I would just shrug. It wasn't until we got home that I found a burst of energy. I rushed up to the back door opened it and swung it open letting it crash into the wall. Taking the stairs two at a time. I sprint for the bathroom and lock the door. It was just me and this test. I look at my hands which were shaking and quickly take out the test. I read the instructions which state 'Just place the test in your urine stream for a few seconds and then wait for the test to show the results. One pink line means you're not pregnant, two pink lines means you are pregnant.' I scrunch my face up and then cover it with my hands, crying hot and heavy tears I give myself a few seconds to steady my breathing. Slowly I take the test out of the box and then follow the instructions.

Tears were streaming out of my eyes uncontrollably now as I washed my hands. I'd placed the test upside down. I didn't want to see the results. The results could dictate how I spend the rest of my life. I'm too young, too selfish, and i have my whole life ahead of me i cant have a kid right now. And Jacob. Right now I don't know if he'd run or if he'd stay but I know that I won't be able to do it without him. What irony it would be if he was a selfish bastard just like Edward.

Looking down at the test I know that I couldn't wait any longer. I snatch it up of the counter and look at it. Sinking to the ground disbelief sweeps over my entire body, I feel every inch of me go limp. Two lines. I'm pregnant.

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**Okay so it was pointed out that there wouldn't be enough time for the pregnancy to take place so in chapter four there have been three paragraphs added to explain that Renesmee was all depressed and sad for three weeks before her mom went on vacation. These three paragraphs have been put in bold so if you've been a reader from the start and want to go check them out that would be cool. I just want to make sure that all of my readers know the changes and that everyone still understands the story!**

**Thank you to my lovely Beta Sweet and Sassy Nessie.**

**Thanks for reading hope you enjoyed this chapter!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hope you enjoy this chapter, it was a lot of fun to write!**

**Read and Enjoy!**

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When I was a kid I never played house, I played with the trucks outside, I played in the dirt and sand. I would rather get dirty and play outdoors. It would drive my mom crazy but I never thought of myself as a parent, even back then. I've never wanted to be a parent, I saw how mom struggled and I didn't want to be like that. I wanted to live a life where I could think about myself and not worry what my children were doing, whether they were safe and if I was doing a good job. I was never going to be mature enough to be a mother, I can barely look after myself let alone someone else who was going to be depending on my for all of their life. But there it was, this stick. This stupid freaking stick. I held it in my hand, the thing that told me my fate.

It made me physically sick thinking about how I was going to tell Jacob that he was going to be a father, that he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant at sixteen. I don't even fucking know if I am his girlfriend anymore, I didn't even know if I wanted that title. Jacob, when he's my Jacob is the most caring, thoughtful and sweetest person anyone can ever meet but even he would be way out of his depth with this. He was still a teenage boy with his whole life ahead of him, I don't think he's going to put that on hold for a baby. Does he even have a choice? I mean it's a done deal for me now, I am the mother and I'm going to be having and looking after this baby for the rest of my life. That's how it goes, but him it maybe his flesh and blood but he can walk out and just be the fun only on weekend parent that barely has any responsibility. I know that his dad won't make him have the responsibility of having and looking after a kid. All his dad wants him to do is take over the family business when he's old enough.

Placing one hand on my belly I'm forced to face the reality of this. It's an alien feeing. I'm carrying and making a life right this very moment. A life that's going to come into this world hardly wanted. I want it to have two loving parents. I don't want it to have the same fate that I had. I don't want it to grow up hating one or both of its parents. No child should have to go through that.

"Renesmee." It was just a muffle at first like the words he was speaking weren't fully meeting my ears. "Renesmee are you alright?" His worried voice brought me out of my bubble and back to reality. Acting fast I open the medicine cabinet and put the test in the back and then close the door again. I then flush the toilet and open the door. Rubbing my hands together I smile at him awkwardly. I look at his frowning face and sense the worry radiating of him.

"Yeah I'm fine, I'm just going to read a little." I say as I head downstairs and spot Star crossed on the coffee table in the front room. I pick It up and then rush back upstairs. Edward had disappeared, so slowly I walk back into the bathroom and pick the box that the test was in and the test itself up, making sure that the cabinet door was closed right. Without hesitation I sped into my room and locked the door. Sitting on my bed and putting the book to one side and the test in one of my dresser drawers I let the fear and anguish sweep over me. What have I done? I cry silently but painfully into my hands. This child, it's going to have a tragic life. I can't do this and nether can Jacob. God knows what my mother is going to say when she finds out that her stubborn, stupid, smartass daughter made a slip up and is going to be just like her. The shame and disappointment she's going to have fills me with so much pain. I don't think I'll ever be able to face Carlisle and Esme ever again. I've let them down, after everything they've done for me. After all the time's they supported me and been there for me and I've ruined it all. I'll have to leave school. I'll be isolated from everything. That is no way for someone to live. Crying I slump down onto my bed and weep into my pillow. Slowly I fall asleep from exhaustion.

It was around 2:30 in the morning when the rocks banging on my window woke me. Getting up stiffly I went over to the window and opened it. Looking out I see Jacob stumbling over his own feet.

"Jacob?" I whisper loudly, rubbing my eyes and begging them to adjust.

"Please, Ness let me in please, I need to talk to you." His voice shattered and it sounded like he was about to cry. It almost wrenched my heart out. With everything inside of me I creep down the stairs into the kitchen and open the back door. Jacob stumbles in and trips over the doorstep. He came crashing down painfully on to the floor.

"Jake." I whisper with urgency. He needs to be quite I don't want to wake Edward up. I hunker down and help him up, putting him into one of the chairs around the table. Pulling a chair up of my own I sit opposite him.

"Ness, please I'm nothing without you. I love you, it's always going to be you. I will do, or be anything for you baby. I can't live without you, you make my life worth living. Don't leave me, it'll shatter me and our relationship. You're perfect for me and I'm perfect for you. Don't do this to us Renessme." His words were slurred and I knew that he had been drinking. I could tell that he was serious though. His eyes looked just as red, broken and puffy as mine.

"Jacob." My voice breaks and I look down as more painful tear spike my tired hurting eyes.

"I'm sorry baby." Jacob cried softly. Slowly he gets off his chair and falls to his knees. He shuffles forward awkwardly and positions himself in between my legs. Wrapping his arms around my waist he hugs me close. Crying into my shirt he hides his face. Feeling me heart break I sooth him by smoothing his hair and kissing the top of his head. Thoughts start to appear in my mind. If he can't take this how is he going to take being a dad? He might rise to the challenge. It may even change him for the better, he might become the mature loving person I know he is. It could go the other way, he might decide that he doesn't love me enough to have that sort of commitment . That would tear me up inside.

"Shh it's okay Jake. I forgive you." I mutter into his hair. Realizing that I have bigger and more important and frightening things to concentrate on. I let the Alice thing go figuring that he was telling the truth. Jake isn't that good of an actor he wouldn't be able put this on to get out a lie. This was genuine.

"I love you." He repeats into my now damp shirt. I let him sob and cry until he was silent, until he had no tears left to cry. Painfully slow I help Jacob to his feet we both stand. He puts a strand of hair behind my ear and I smile at him. Suddenly he pats his pockets as if he was looking for something. He reaches into his pocket and takes out his phone but as he does a small clear bag falls out of his pocket. I look down at it confused at first and then bend down and pick it up. As I rise I see the shocked look on Jacobs face.

"Oh God no, this isn't what it looks like." He says in a panic. I study the bag and all at once I feel sick. It contained a white powder in it. Bringing my hand to my throat I feel the bile rise. I was going to be sick. Suddenly, I shoot over to the sink and throw up.

"You're fucking kidding me right?" I say as I wipe my mouth and hang the bag in his face.

"Ness that's not mine." He tried to help me but I shrug him off. I run the tap and use my hand to put water into my mouth. I swish it around a little and then spit it out.

"Then why the fuck do you have it Jake. Do you think I'm a fucking idiot? Jacob this is drugs, I can't believe you! You come over here begging for my forgiveness. Saying that you'll do and be anything for me. Well you know what? I don't believe you. You're too caught up with fucking Sam. You're in so deep that you can't get out Jake. I want the old you back! The Jake who didn't hang around with assholes, who wasn't an asshole. The guy who I could sit down and tell anything to. But I can't because it's like this is a three way relationship with you , me ,and Sam."

"I'm sorry I'll change." He begged, as he reaches for both my hands. I throw the bag at him and slap his hands away.

"No it's to late. You're not the Jake that I fell in love with. I'm sorry but you're not. I don't ever see myself getting him back because this who you are now Jake. You fuck up, come begging for forgiveness and then fuck up again. You don't learn from your mistakes. You're going down Jacob and I'm not going to allow you to take me with you." I shout at him, forgetting about Edward. I stare at his face and Clench my Jaw to stop the tears. He was letting the tears flow now. His eyes were wide and he started to shake his head.

"No Ness please." He's voice was full of dying panic. He put his hands over his mouth and let the Sobs control him. Standing there I don't break my ground.

"I can't be with you anymore Jake. You can't keep doing this and expect me to get over it."

"Renesmee." He says taking hold of me and holding me too him. I try to push him off me and when I realize I can't I start to shout.

"GET OF ME." I yell through the tears. It's one thing not having a father in your life but it's another having a father who's addicted to drugs. If Jacobs throwing his life away, if he's spiraling then this child, our child is much better off without him. Edward came barging into the kitchen wearing his Pajamas. After he takes in what's going on he removes Jacob from me and throws him out the back door. He then turns to me. I look at him and start sobbing. Every part of my body was shaking. I've just broke up with my one true love. The boy that I honestly thought I would be with forever, no buts no maybes. I'd dreamed of our life together, our perfect life where nothing would go wrong and we would be forever happy. I love him so much It hurts. The wounds were too deep to ignore, my heart, my other half is gone. Jacob ripped my heart out when he left the old him behind and became the person he is now. I tear myself away from Edward and pick up the bag of drugs. Screaming I open the door and throw it out side. It hits Jacob in the back of the head as he was walking away. I didn't see him turn around as I had already slammed the door shut, falling back into Edwards grip.

Edward didn't say anything he just brought me into an embrace, clinging to him I cried and cried. This was too much to handle. I'm going to lose everything. It's strange that Edward was the one person I never wanted but is the only person that I've got to hold me together.

Waking up gradually I sit up in bed and touch my face. It was sore to the touch. Quickly I make my way over to the mirror that was hung above my dresser. The bags under my eyes were all puffy and red. My face was all blotchy and swollen. The events of the early morning flood back into my mind. Oh that's why my face looks like a fucking war zone. Sluggishly I make my way down stairs and cuddle up on the couch. Hugging a pillow I turn on the tv and only vaguely watch the repeats of the last season of the Vampire diaries. I was watching the episode where they have the funeral for Bonnie when Edward came down the stairs showered and dressed to impress.

"Where are you going?" I ask looking over at him slightly. He smiles sensitively and then comes and sits at my feet. I look down at the pillow that I was squishing against my belly. I was not ready to talk to anyone about this morning especially not him.

"Can you drive Renesmee?" He asks casually. I look up at him confused; this was not what I thought he was going to talk about.

"Yeah I can drive I just don't have a car."

"Well how about we go and get you one today?" He smirks a little. I look at him and feel my eyes bulge out. My mouth, at no command of my own forms a small smile, a tiny amount of happiness sprouts inside of me.

"What?" I laugh as I jump up and close the small space between us. Wrapping my arms around his neck I hold him tightly. He hugs me back and laughs with me. It was only awkward after I realize that I was supposed to have all of these bad feelings towards him, I was supposed to hate him. But I understand now.

"Let me just go have a shower and dress real quick." I jump up not looking at him. As I rush up the stairs I realize that I never thought I would have even a tiny connection with him. But he's breaking my wall and is shining through as the good guy.

Once we were on the road and travelling to wherever he was taking me to get a freaking car I begin to think about what he did and why he did it. I understand now. I would give anything to run away from being pregnant. I would do anything to not be in this position. I want to continue being a selfish, stubborn teenager. I want to be able to hang out with my friends and go to parties. I don't want to be tied down with a child and not be able to live my life the way I want to. This is why I now understand why he ran away.

"Okay before we get out of this car I want you to know that money is not an issue, pick whatever car you want. Go crazy." I hadn't even realized that he had parked the car but I look at him as he speaks.

"Okay." I laugh all excited and then get out of the car. We go into the massive shop and start to look around at all of the cars. Soon enough an assistant came up and greeted us.

"How can I help you?" She asks. She was dressed in the nicest business suit I've ever seen. It was a gleaming black. Her face was pretty, her eyes a gleaming brown. As I look at her I spot her name tag. 'Sue'

"I'd like to see some cars. I'm planning on buying my daughter one." Edward had turned to mush. His eyes had a hold on her and I could see that he was smiling a smile only reserved for those he really liked. She smirked at him and then motioned for us to follow her. We looked at a few cars until we came across a black Volvo. I practically squealed as I saw it. I was in love. As soon as I sit in the car I knew that it was mine. I look at Edward and smile. Tears pricking my eyes. But not because of all the shit that has plagued me from that last few days but because I was genuinely happy.

"This is the one." I laugh happily. Edward smiles approvingly and then goes off with Sue to sort out some paper work. The thrill of getting a car passes as I sit in the driver's seat. For the first time I realize that he would be the only one to understand the situation that I'm in. I mean at the very least he wouldn't be able to judge me. It was on the tip of my tongue and for the first time I realize that I'm desperate to tell someone.

"We're all done here." Edward poked his head through the open driver door and made me jump. I smile at him and then get out of the car. Sue had turned to him. She was smiling at him all giddy.

"So the car will be delivered to you tomorrow and I will give you a call." She says. They both laugh a little and the Sue touches his arm all flirty. I look at both of them and smirk. Edward looks over at me and then clears his throat.

"Thanks." He says shaking her hand and then leading me out. I smirk all the way to the car and it wasn't until we were both in the car that I start laughing.

"What?" He looks over at me all surprised and innocent which made me laugh even more. I tried to talk but as soon as I saw his shocked face I burst into even more laughter. I cover my mouth as the tears star to stream from my eyes.

"Oh. God. I. Can't. Breathe." I say each word through deep breaths and make myself calm down.

"I'm sorry your face was just priceless. So are you getting some?" He goes all red which causes me to start laughing again. My laughter settles and Edward declares that he's going to take us to the café where I first talked to him up close. During the small journey I look over at him many times and will myself to tell him, but I just couldn't. Although I think he may understand, he may not and because of that, because of the uncertainty I can't tell him. I need to know that I trust him completely because I don't even freaking know what I'm going to do. I need to figure it out myself before I tell anyone plus I can't risk him telling mom. There was just too much to think about. Having a kid is supposed to be a loving experience right? I'm going to get nothing but trouble from this. I can't trust anyone. My phone starts to buzz in my pocket, I take it out and scream. Edward jumps and slams on the breaks. We both go flying forward in our seats only to be flung back by the safety of our seat belts. He looks over at me but I was already answering the call.

"Mom." I shouted in the phone. Edward rolls his eyes in exasperation and then starts the car again.

"Hey baby, I miss you so much!"

"I miss you too mom how's your vacation going?"

"Ness I wish you were here. It's been amazing! The beach, the hotel oh lord I needed this break."

"I'm glad you're enjoying it, uh mom…" Panicking I didn't know what to do. I didn't expect a phone call from mom and in a moment of weakness I fumble with what I should do and what I want to do.

"Yes honey?"

"Oh, uh, Edward he bought me a car." The phone went silent and I wait awkwardly for her reply.

"Damn man flaunting his money." She mutters down the phone. I smirk at her response.

"I love you mom," I laugh In the phone.

"I love you too." She whispers. I end the call and then settle back into my seat. I didn't realize how much I really missed mom. It was good to hear her voice but all I needed was for her to be here. So that I could sob into her and have her comfort me until I'm drained of all emotion. I'm going through hell and the only person I want I can't have.

"Could we just go home please?" I ask. I wasn't in the mood to be in public anymore, I just wanted to roll up in a ball and hide.

"Sure, you missing your mom?" He asks sensitively

"Yeah but she's enjoying herself. Oh thanks for the car." I say meaningfully. Edward just smiles. The journey was silent and I was grateful for it. I couldn't think of one positive thing about being pregnant. Nothing good will come out of It. Come to think of it I can't think of one positive thing that will be in my child's life. Two parents that won't be together, I'm too selfish to look after anyone else. I see that now. I'll be a terrible mother. I would never be able to deal with adoption because that's just as bad as running away from my responsibilities I couldn't deal with having a child out there, knowing I had given up on it. Maybe this child isn't supposed to be in the world. All at once it seemed to make sense that it wouldn't be fair to bring this child into this world since I already know its fate. Feeling it in myself I know what I have to do.

As soon as I got home I headed straight to my room and take my computer out from under my bed. Searching google I start to look for any abortion clinics that I would be able to get to by myself.

I had done the washing and ironing to the best of my ability. Taking it steady and trying not to knock any of the clothes in the stack that I was carrying. Entering Renesmee's room I could see that she had fallen asleep. Quietly I open one of her dresser drawers and then place her clothes in there. Moving stuff out the way I manage to get all of the clothes in the right drawers but I had to take a small box out to make room. I look at it confused but when I turn it over I see what it was. Panic spreads over me as I open it and take the pregnancy test out. Covering my mouth I see the result. My beautiful, courageous, confident girl was pregnant. My heart sinks as I realize that she was going to have the same fate as I, but this time I will be there. I will be there with her every step of the way and do whatever I need to prove that I can be a good father to her.

I know that I can't mention this until she tells me because this is her life, her decisions and whatever happens I have to respect that.

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**Thank you again to my amazing Beta for all of the ideas that she's been feeding me!**


	8. Chapter 8

Jakes pov I know it's short but enjoy:)

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I stare at the door. I can't believe what I've done. I'm so stupid. I should have never agreed to hold the fucking drugs for Sam. Now I've lost everything and I don't know what to do to make it right. With all the force that I have in my body I turn around and start walking away from her house. As I walk away slowly, I debate whether this is real or not and then something hard hit me in the back of the head. Turning around I get a small glimpse of my beautiful Renesmess before she slams the door shut, leaving me alone again. Not even looking at what hit me, I pick it up and deposit it in my pocket. I'm so fucking stupid. I've ruined everything.

I stumble around in the woods for a while until I come to the clearing that lead to Sam's house. The whole group was there including Alice. Seth was the one who came running up to me and held me at arm's length. He looked at me with concern in his eyes.

"Where did you go?"

"To see Ness, I've ruined everything Seth." I say letting my voice break. Sinking to a crouch position I put my face in my shaking hands and cry.

"Dude, pull yourself together. You and Ness are like two peas in a pod. You'll figure this out." Seth says calmly so that only I can hear. He'd come down to my level but wasn't touching me. Slowly I rub my face and look at him with tear stained eyes.

"She thinks I'm doing drugs Seth. The drugs that Sam gave me they fell out of my pocket and she went mental. She's never going to take me back." Sniffing back my tears I look around him and see Sam and Alice making out. In a rage I stormed up to him, took the drugs out of my pocket and threw them at him. My drunkenness' was affecting my coordination. The bag of crap hit Alice and she yelped.

"You just couldn't fucking help yourself could you? First the photo and now the fucking drugs. I made a big mistake I never should have started hanging out with you. You have fucking ruined my life." Yelling in his face I could see him go red. Alice took a hold of Sam's arm. He looks down at her and then laughs, he brings his face back up too look at me and then smiles.

"Then go you mother fucker. Go on, go back to where you came from Jake. I don't need you, you need me and don't you forget that. You're a pain in my fucking ass, so you can go fuck yourself. Go on. Go back and climb back into the hole you call your life." Sam laughed at me but I look at Alice.

"Good luck with him. He'll be abusing you before you know it just ask Emily." I spit at her. She just raises an eye brow.

"I never liked you Jake, I only got to know you because I wanted to get with Sam. That photo, well Sam told me to do it and it was fucking hilarious. Renesmee is a stuck up bitch who deserves what she gets and you, well you're just a worthless piece of shit." I never knew someone so small and innocent could be such a bitch . I just smirk at her. She thinks she's the shit now that she's with Sam. That would really have me laughing if it wasn't so pathetic.

"Have a nice life. I won't say I told you so when he ends up putting you in hospital he does have temper on him, but oh well you're nothing but a stupid little whore." Sam swings at me but he was way too slow as I step back and laugh at him. Slowly I turn on my heel and walk away from him. Keeping my head held high I walked past everyone that I used to call my friends and walked back towards the section of the woods I had come from.

"Go on you pathetic scum, don't come crawling back to me when you realize you have no friends and that your life is pathetic." Sam's slurred voice came out loud and clear. As I am walking I hear footsteps coming from behind me and soon enough they were walking by my side. I look over and see Seth but not one word was uttered. I saw that he was carrying a bag with a couple of cans of beer.

Slowly we make our way back to my house. My dad was out. Over at his girlfriends no doubt. Letting myself in the front door I motion for Seth to come in and go into the living room. Together we sit on the couch not speaking. Soon enough Seth digs both hands into the bag and takes two cans out, he gives one to me.

Together we drink and drink until the beer was no more. Seth then pulled out a joint already rolled. I can honestly say that I have never tried any sort of drugs in my life. I never did anything wrong, nothing so wrong that I needed to forget about it for a while. My life was great I had a perfect girlfriend. Friends that I thought had liked me and I got along with my dad but now it's all turned to shit. So for the first time in my life I felt like I needed it. So I took it and smoked and smoked some more. Eventually I was so fucked up that I couldn't even remember why I was so upset. I couldn't remember anything or anyone except the feeling of not worrying. For a second it was the perfect solution and then I vomited. Everywhere. Seth had already passed out on the sofa so I couldn't look to him for help. Falling to my hands and knees I vomit again and then collapse next to the puddle of my own puke and then pass out as well.

"Jesus Jake." My dad's voice wakes me from my deep, dreamless sleep. Forcing my eyes open it takes me a moment to adjust my sight. I look past my nose and see the almost living, stinking puddle of puke. All I could do was look up at him and stare. His features softened and he nodded like he already understood. Leaving Seth on the sofa he slowly helped me up and took me to my room. Letting me lay in bed he draws my blinds. As I unwillingly close my eyes my mind floods back to the early hours of the morning.

_"Are you spying on me?" She asked raising her eyebrow. Sassyness filled her high pitched voice_

_"I.. I didn't.. I mean.. You have a beautiful voice" I was taken off guard. She was sort of beautiful._

_"Well this is my meadow" I mutter getting back my confidence._

_All of a sudden the dream changed, we were in the meadow still but we were older, closer. I was in my pyjamas and she had tear stained cheeks._

_"She j-just wen-t-t crazy." She cries struggling to get her words out. I just held her close to me. Feeling her warmth, her body next to mine it felt so good and so right. I comfort her by hugging her tight to me, letting her know I was here for her. Slowly she pulls away from me. Holding her by the waist with one hand I use the other to put a strand of hair behind her ear lovingly. She smiled up at me and I speak._

_"She's your mom Ness. She gets angry sure but she loves you and nothing will change that, not an argument, nothing will change how she will protect and do anything for you. You know that." I say looking at her and smiling . She nods her head and looks down at the ground._

_This was it, I was brave enough, I was confident enough and I damn sure loved her enough._

_"Ness?" The speaking of her name made her look up at me. I pull her in closer put one finger under her chin and bring her lips to mine. This feels so right. So utterly, utterly perfect._

_The walls of my dream transform and suddenly were in my house, in my room we were home alone._

_"We don't have to do this Ness." I say nervously as I hold myself up. I didn't want to put any weight on her. I was hovering over her, both of us were naked. She seemed so calm, so content. I on the other hand was a nervous wreck._

_"I love you Jake, don't you love me?" she asks taking my face in her hands. She kisses me delicately. I smile on her lips and relax a little. I pull back so I can see her face completely and then utter my response._

_"Of course I love you." I say rubbing her nose with mine delicately then moving to her neck. Slowly I trail small kisses from the bottom of her ear to the bottom of her neck. Goosebumps trail up on her skin and her legs stiffen._

_"Then I'm sure." She says brining my face back to hers. She makes me so happy. She's the most amazing person and I have her. She's mine and I'm hers. I look down on myself. The condom was fine and on right so slowly I push my way inside of her._

_The feeling was extraordinary. It was just amazing but as I look down at her I see tears falling from her closed eyes, immediately I stop._

_"Oh God Ness I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt you." I say kissing away the tears._

_"Jake." She says delicately I look up at her. She touches the frown lines on my forehead and smiles at me._

_"It was going to hurt, it's my first time but I wouldn't want to share It with anyone else." Passionately I kiss her as she finishes her sentence._

_The scenery changes and all of a sudden we're in her grandparents' house, she's looking at me tears streaming from her eyes. Her face a picture of hurt._

_"…I can't be with you Jake." Her evil words tare me down. Slowly she turns away from me and walks away. Walks out of sight and out of my life._

Screaming I wake up and shoot up into a sitting position. Once I realize that it was just a dream I put my head in my hands and roughly rub my face. She's even haunting me in my sleep now. Or maybe it's a sign, a sign that I shouldn't give up on her, on us. Swinging my legs out of bed I run to the bathroom and throw up. Stupid idiot. The quick movement must have upset my stomach. As quickly as I could I shower and then dress in fresh clothes. Jogging down the stairs I spot Seth on the sofa. He had moved but was still asleep so quietly I walk past him and out of the back door. I needed to see her. I needed to get her back.

Making my way through the forest I realize for the first time how nervous I was. She had threw me out. She didn't want me anymore and rightfully so. I'd ruined everything but we were meant for each other. I can change and be who she wants me to be. I never liked Sam but he always seemed so popular and when he took me under his wing and let me hang out with him I saw how powerful he was and I sort of liked it. I liked sharing the power with him. I got greedy and because of that I lost everything.

Making my way up to the back door of Carlisle's and Esme's I knock on the door timidly. It opens almost immediately and I come face to face with Edward.

"Can I help you?" he asks bluntly. He only opened the door enough for me to see him. He was blocking any sight of what was the kitchen.

"I need to see Ness." I say desperately.

"She not in." He say's sternly. I look at him and stop. All of a sudden I laugh.

"You're the protective father are you now? You're a little too late don't you think. Don't let her decency fool you she hates you and will always be disappointed in you." I spit at him. He doesn't waver and instead returns the smile.

"Sure I've disappointed her from the start but we're growing a strong bond now. But you Jake, she's always depended on you, always trusted you but you broke that. I didn't have any of her trust from the start but at least I'm building up her trust not breaking It down." Slowly he closed the door as I stood there, my heart in my mouth. Biting my nails I try to think of where she may be.

Getting on the bus I start with the mall but there was no sign of her so I go walking around looking in every shop that I pass. I'd tried calling her but she didn't pick up and she wasn't replying to the text's that I was sending her. I walk past the clinic next to the park where Sam beat up Mike and then I stop. There walking out of the doors was Renesmee. What the fuck was she doing there was she sick .I don't know but I needed to find out. So I started walking towards her.


	9. Chapter 9

**I honestly love this chapter! So much fun to write!**

**Read and Enjoy:)**

**R&R!**

**Thank-you to my lovely, lovely Beta! She's been so supportive and so much help! **

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My eyes snap open and I stare at him with confusion. He was just shutting one of the drawers on my dresser. Slowly I clear my throat and speak with cautiousness.

"What are you doing?" He jumps and then turns to me, slowly he smiles.

"I was just putting your laundry away, sorry I didn't mean to disturbed you." Awkwardly he comes and sits on the bottom of my bed. All at once I relax and then sit up, silently I turn on my bed side lamp.

"So do you want to talk about Jake?" He asks. His face was lit up now and I could see the concern in his face, I could see the lines on his face and for once he no longer looked younger than 25 but rather looked his age. Fighting the urge to roll my eyes at him I just drop my head so that I was looking at nothing but bed sheets and then shook my head.

"There will be others." He says shuffling forward and touching my shoulder. Stupid idiot I didn't want anyone else.

"Yeah whatever." I mutter fighting to keep back the emotions. Slowly he lets his hand drop and then sighs.

"It's about eleven now, the car dealership said that they will be dropping your car at your house around twelve thirty. So that gives you an hour and a half to get ready. I was thinking about making breakfast, scrambled egg on toast?" shooting my head up to look at him I shake my head nervously. Edward raises an eyebrow and I realize that I was being too obvious.

"Uh I would prefer something else ." I say clearing my throat and smiling awkwardly at him. Nodding his head and grinning he walks out of my room and I hear the familiar creakiness of the stairs being used. Once I knew it was safe I grabbed my phone and lap top and then find the number of the clinic that I found on the internet last night. With shaking hands I dial the number.

It was a short conversation and they said that they could fit me in today at around two thirty. There was no talk about what procedure I would have or that the first session would be just talking about what I would do. They just said to come in and then they would go from there. All of a sudden I felt sick to my stomach. Everything felt so numb and I no longer knew if this is honestly what I wanted. I think about Jacob, I think about what this child would go through with him and it was clear that I would have no choice. Hanging out with Sam just brought out the ugliness in Jacob. Ugliness I couldn't let my child see.

Cautiously I get up out of bed and surprise myself by not throwing my guts up. Walking past the bathroom I head down stairs and the awful odour of food hits me. I lean against the wall and feel the nausea and hot sweats consume my body. I couldn't go in there. If I go in there I will throw up just by the smell. I had to think of something. Come on Renesmee think of something. Stumbling over to the couch I flop down and cover myself with the blanket that was on it. Edward comes out of the kitchen smirking and as he does the hideous smell consumes the room. I bring the blanket up over my nose and breathe small breaths out of my mouth.

"Here you go." Edward says placing the plate of steaming evil on the table. He grabs the remote, turns on the TV and then gets himself comfortable. Tears start to prick into my eyes as I look at the plate. No matter how much I blocked my nose the smell still got through. It made me want to gag and cough as I started to taste it in my mouth.

Edward was laughing at whatever was on TV. He couldn't see the pain I was in and all of a sudden I reach my boiling point.

"Get that away from me." I screech as I jump up and open the sliding doors in the living room that lead to the front garden. Putting my hands on my knees I bend over and try to control the sickness that was rising in me. Edward comes out quickly and crouches in front of me.

"If you didn't want it all you had to do was say that you wanted something else." He laughed at me, I just smile unconvincingly as I take deep steady breaths.

"Sorry." I mutter as I sink to the ground and sit opposite him.

"Are you sure you're alright Renesmee?" I look at him. I wanted to puke out the words to him, I wanted to spill the beans and have at least one person know about me being pregnant. I could have someone to talk to. Someone who may understand but that's just it. I don't know if he will understand and because of that I bite my tongue.

"Yeah, sorry I guess I'm just not in the mood for breakfast ." Edward frowns at me but doesn't question my response. Taking my hands he then helps me up. He then proceeds to put an arm around me and guide me inside. Edward makes me a fruit salad which I eat willingly and happily. The beautiful flavours fill my mouth and the memory of the dreaded food fades away into nothing.

The rest of the morning went smoothly. I sat down with Edward and watched an episode of the vampire diaries with him. He continually asked why Elena is no longer with Stephan because he was obviously the nicer more sensible choice. I tried to explain to him that Damon was the dangerous, hot, mysterious type but he was also the good hearted Samaritan that every girl craves. He then proceeded to call the show stupid and only started to watch it because there was so much blood and violence.

After realizing the time I rush around to get myself ready. I dress sensibly as I realize that I would be driving straight to the clinic. Edward drives me the short distance to my house and as we arrive so does my car. Smiling excitedly I get out to greet It. I could just about cry. To my surprise Sue was there too. She looked as smart, fresh and beautiful as the first time we saw her. She went over to Edward and greeted him. They shake hands and I could see him turn to mush around her, he gives her his cocky smile. She laughs at something he says and touches his arm all flirty. Leaning up on her tip toes Sue puts her hands on his shoulders and whispers something in his ear. He smiles at her as she plants her feet back on the ground and nods his head.

I smile over at him and he winks. Once my car was safely on the ground I get in it and feel the beautiful seats. I run my hand around the steering wheel and all at once I was over whelmed. I can't believe I actually have this car!

Getting out of the car I rush over to Edward as I see the shiny keys in his hand which matched my shiny new car. Smiling at me he hands me the keys. I giggle with excitement.

"Thank you." I yelp as I hug him and then run back over to MY car and get in. I hear Edward laugh but as I turn my gaze to him I see sue kiss him on the cheek and then walk back to her car. He was smiling and for once I felt happy for him. At least someone's happy. Sitting in my car I fiddle with the keys. Anxiousness was building in me as I try not to think about what I was going to do. Putting the key in its slot, I turn it and the engine starts.

What if mom had these thoughts when she was pregnant with me. What if she had done the same, decided that my life wasn't worth it. That I would have a terrible life and the most humane thing to do was to get rid of me. Although she had Edward there through all of her pregnancy. She thought that they would be able to play the happy family and that everything would be alright. What if for one moment she thought it would be easier to have an abortion? Would I be here? It shouldn't even be legal to have an abortion. That's a human life I'm growing inside of me. A life with human rights, a life of their own with their choices and mistakes. No one should have such power over another life, no matter the situation.

I was digging myself a hole. Realizing I was a horrible, sick person for thinking of taking up this act I make my way to the clinic. I know I will live with this for the rest of my life but I can't bring a child up knowing that I was going to seal its fate, knowing that it will have a worse life than I when it comes to its parents. My child is better off not living.

Parking in the clinics parking lot I make my way over to the park where Sam beat up Mike. I head to a dome cover where there were benches stationed under for people to sit and stuff. Sitting on a bench I take out my copy of Star crossed.

It was interesting. I was just at the part where she was in Starbucks with her gay best friend. Jenny saw the typical popular snobby girls from school and that's when she finds out that she's Juliet and who Romeo was. It was a clever remake of Montague and Capulet but in this book she knows that he's the enemy, that their families have had this awful fued for as long as she has been alive and she hates him too, with everything inside of her. He turns out to have gotten the role of Romeo and Jenny, well she isn't happy. Of course it's obvious that they fall in love at the end, I mean the book if called star crossed for God's sake, but it was still interesting.

Looking at my watch I feel the heat rise in my body. my heart pounds in my chest I get up and make my way to the clinic. My breathing quickens as I pass through the doors and go to the desk. The lady there doesn't look up at me as she takes my name and instead just points to the waiting area. I sit on one of the hard chairs and hold my stomach. This is wrong, this is so wrong. No one should have this sort of authority. This was a way out for cowards. For stupid people who couldn't face up to their mistakes. That's what I was I was a selfish coward. This wasn't just about the horrible life I think my child will have, but it's about my life as well. I wanted to live it, I wanted to do what I wanted and not have to give up everything for someone else. I was just like him. I'd tried so hard to be nothing like him but I'm everything like him. I-

"Renesmee Swan?" My name was called and I was welcomed into an office. The doctor was young but she looked professional. She sat behind her desk which has a computer on. The room had a hospital bed in it and a few chairs. I sat on one of the chairs nearest to her desk. I look at the wall behind the bed blankly. Too nervous to speak. As her gaze falls on me all of her features soften.

"I just want to tell you that no one is judging you. I am here to help and support you okay." I bite the inside of my mouth and just nod at her.

"I know this can be a nervous time and we don't have to do anything today if you don't want to, but if this is what you've decided then we should probably talk about different procedures that you can take." She was looking at me all understanding and caring but I couldn't bring myself to look her fully in the eye. This is the most humiliating and awful thing I will ever do. After she realizes that I wasn't going to speak she takes a few papers from the side of her desk.

"I need to know when was the first day of your last period and how many weeks pregnant you think you are." She says kindly. I look at her and give her my details, but of course I wasn't sure how many weeks pregnant I was so she had to do a pregnancy test. A sudden thought washes over me. What if the test was wrong? What if I wasn't pregnant. The thought makes me want to cry with relief. After she comes in with the test id done, she sits down at her desk again.

"okay so you're not over ten weeks pregnant so I think the easiest way to go about this sweetheart is for you to take what is known as the abortion pills. That way you don't have to have any sort of procedure done."

"Okay." I say my mouth was dry, everything in me went cold. I don't know if I should be here anymore. The doctor gets up from the desk and leaves the room. Panic starts to rise in me but I remind myself over and over that it was for the best until she comes back into the room. Again she sits back at her desk. She had a packet of tablets. She pops one out and then gives it to me.

"Once you've taken this you may have some nausea. Between 6-75 hours so you can do this tomorrow you then need to take the second pill. Around four hours after taking the second pill you'll have cramps and heavy bleeding much like a period, but I have to tell you the pain will be worse. A week after you've taken the second pill you'll need to come back here for a check-up." I look at the pill in my hand and then look up at her.

"What are the risks?" I murmur.

"Okay there is a risk that it may not work, but it's very small. If that is to happen and you still want an abortion then we will have to talk about other procedures. I do have to ask are you on any medication? Are you allergic to anything?"

I shake my head at her.

"This will not affect you getting pregnant in the future sweetie." I look at the pill and then bring it to my lips. This was it. I will no longer be carrying a child. I will no longer be carrying a child that is half me and Half Jacob. Wait, this child. It's half Jacob and I love Jacob. How can I destroy something that's half him. I'm so stupid. Jacob is only acting the way he has been because of Sam. Jacob is a good person and if this baby has any of Jacob in it they're going to be the most precious child to ever live.

Slamming the tablet on the table, I look up at the doctor with tears in my eyes. She was taken aback but she also looked like she understood. Before she could say anything I rush out of the room and then run out the clinic. As I get outside I take a breath of fresh air and allow myself to cry. The tears in my eyes blur my vision and because of that I didn't see the person walking towards me until I was in his arms. I wrap my arms around his neck and feel him pull me close. His hand goes to my hair and he comforts my neck. His comforting arms hold me to him as everything just seemed to disappear and then I remember the drugs.

"Jake I cant." I say pushing him away and wiping my nose. Quickly I rush over to my car, unlock it and then get in. Jake was coming towards the car but I didn't have time to think about that. I just had to calm myself down. Taking deep breaths through my nose I reverse the car just before Jake got to the driver's door. He stands back as I drive out of the parking lot and back home. I'm so fucking stupid. This is my child. My baby. I can't believe I almost destroyed it. If I can love Jacob as much as I do, if I'm willing to do anything for him even give up my life then of course I will be willing to do it for our child. This child, no matter what will be loved for its whole entire life. I will not be letting my child down. Not ever again.

I make my way through the trail that leads to my grandparents' house. Calming Myself down I will myself to build up the power to do what I should have done when I first found out. It's obvious now that I cannot keep this a secret and that I need someone to tell. Edward was a doctor and I'm sure he would have seen worse cases. Plus there is no way in hell that he can judge me. He's my only hope of help because I can't do it on my own.

Slowly I get out of the car and push the back door open. As I enter the house I see Sue and Edward sat at the kitchen table. They were talking and laughing, they only stopped when they saw me. I can't imagine what I must have looked like but as soon as Edward saw me he stood up and brought me into an embrace. I hug him back, putting my arms under his armpits and cuddling my head into his shirt.

"I'll call you." Sue says quickly as if she understood the silent message. She makes a quick exit leaving me and Edward standing in the kitchen. I sniff and then pull away from him. He allows this and as he sees my face he sighs.

"Talk to me Ness." He pleads as he goes over to where the paper towel roll was. He rips off a piece and then hands it to me.

"Not here." I say taking the tissue and rubbing away the tears.

"Where then?"

"Follow me." I open the door and lead the way. Edward follows me out the door, shuts it and then walks by my side. Silently we walk into the forest.

"I literally used to come out here every day when I was younger. Mom would work most of the day so when I got home I would dump all my school stuff and come out here to play. I loved it. I would go swimming in the lakes out here and climb trees. I would go on treasure hunts with no map and no idea what I was looking for, but I'd always come back with something new. I used to sit out here and sing. Sing to the nature to the wild life, the birds. When I was younger I thought of myself as a prettier snow white. It was like my secret hide out, no rules no nagging moms nothing, I was in my own world where I was free and welcomed." We were walking deep into the forest; Edward was keeping up with ease as he climbed over the stumps and branches that got in our way.

"I always thought it was strange that I never bumped into Jacob, well not until I did considering that I spent all my time out here. Jake, well he was sprung on me but in an instant I knew that we were so alike. The day we met we went into the woods and played until dark. We went so far into the forest that we got ourselves lost. Instead of crying we saw it as an adventure. A chance to sleep out under the starts, to be in the place that we love the very most. It was magical. We have this meadow that we would meet at all the time. We would play and wade in the slow flowing stream that was next to it. I loved it out here and eventually I fell in love with him." I cringe inwardly as I say this, but I was building my courage up. I had to do this, I had to do this!

"I used to play out here as well, but I never came across a meadow. Something always drew me to the outdoors. I loved the danger and the beauty that it brought to this awful world. I would come out here and play my guitar and like you I felt free. I never minded being by myself." I look up at him and smile at the similarities we share. I push back a branch as I enter the meadow. Walking to the center I sit down. Feeling the grass beside me flatten I turn to Edward and smile. It started to rain. Little drops of water started to fall on my head so I flip up my hood. No rain bothered me. Edward did the same.

"I used to think me and Jake would last forever. That nothing could stop us from living our lives together; I mean what sixteen year old honestly thinks that. We have our whole lives ahead of us, so many years to meet new people and so many years for our feelings to change. It never occurred to me that I would ever, or could ever be with anyone else but obviously now my common sense is over powering my stupidity." I say through the pitter patter of the rain. My Pants were starting to soak through to my legs but the feeling only reassured me that I was still okay and that I was still here and not regretting my life.

"But now me and Jake, well I don't know what we are but I know that I still love him. With everything inside of me. I just I can't take knowing that he was doing drugs. I mean he's smarter than that, its Sam being a retard. He pushed for Jake to hurt himself, to potentially kill himself."

"Today I was in a situation however, where I thought that Jacob's actions would determine the fate of another human life. Because of his idiot decisions I felt like a life wouldn't be worth having, wouldn't be worth living."

"Renesmee, please tell me you didn't try to take your own life." I look at him shocked. I shake my head and I could see that he starts to relax. Clearing my throat I carry on.

"Jacob is the single most important guy in my life and there are so many reasons for that, that it would take me all day to list them. I realized that his actions were the fault of another and that I loved Jacob because he was so amazingly special and that any child that has any part of Jacob in them will be just as special if not even more." He went stiff as he looked at me. There was no fear now, no hurt or anguish. No tears.

"What. Are. You. Saying?" He says each word painfully slow. I close my eyes, breath in and the exhale the words.

"I'm pregnant."

No words were spoken for a while, instead Edward moved closer to me. He put his arm around my shoulders and I put my head on his. The way that only a father and daughter would. Words had not been spoken and that was good for now. at least he isn't going insane like I feel mom would. I know that I never said that I wanted to know Edward but now that I've met him and seen how he's willing to try I feel like I've known him the way a daughter should know her parent. I feel comfortable around him and I trust him now. I never, ever expected it but in a way I'm glad that he is my dad because I wouldn't be the person I am today if he wasn't. Granted I almost made the worst mistake of my life but I thought through the pain and came out with more courage than ever. I will never stop trying to be a better person for my child. Just like I know he will never stop trying to make up his mistakes to me.

I get up, feeling my cold numb legs shake as I do and then point my head in the direction of home. Edward agrees with a nod of his own and we start to walk.

"You know. I may not be familiar with this little bit of the forest, but I know my way back and I mean I remember all of the little trails and paths all of the short cuts. Do you think you know them well?" I laugh at him and then raise an eyebrow. Playfully I nod my head.

"First one home gets to pick what we watch on TV. Ready set go." Edward was already sprinting off into the distance before I could register what had happened. Letting my knowledge take over I sprint in the same direction as him just going through a different route. I knew which trail he had taken and it was a fast one, but mine was even faster. He ether knew this was the fastest way to get home and was letting me win or he didn't know this place as well as I did. Sprinting with all my might I reach the house just before he does. I laugh and then dance around in victory.

"Great." He mutters and then smirks as he unlocks the back door. As I was about to go in, I hear foot steps behind me. I turn around and was surprised to see Seth walking towards me. His face was blank and his hands in his pockets. His hair was dripping as I realize now that the rain was coming down hard. I motion for him to go inside and follow him in.

"You alright?" I asked confused on why he was here. He just sat and then he smiled. I sigh and sit down, this was about Jake no doubt.

"Please just let me explain. Sam gave those drugs to Jake thinking that he would take them. Jacob made himself very clear that he wasn't going to take it and that when Sam wanted his poison back he would give it to him. Even when he was drunk Ness he was talking sense. Soon enough he got so wasted that he started to get all sad and depressed, he started to think about how much he loved you and decided to slip away from the group to come find you. You were all he talked about; he honestly beat himself up about how he hurt you Renesmee. He felt so ashamed about what he did. He never meant for that kiss to happen. Honestly that had nothing to do with him. He got so angry with Sam before he left to go see you after that picture was sent. He just kept repeating how his life was ruined."

"Seth, Jacob is a big boy. He can defend himself."

"I haven't finished. Renesmee, what you and Jake have is special. I've never seen two people so alike, so willing to face the world for each other. Whether you're friends or in a relationship, you need each other Ness. I know you know that. I've never seen two people so fated to be in each other's lives. Please, please for the love of God don't let Sam ruin what you and Jake have." Seth had taken hold of my hands now. He was cradling them soothingly just like a friend would do. I could see that he cared about Jake and was worried about him. I guess if I can believe that Jake is still my Jake then I can believe that he's never done drugs.

"So he's never done drugs?" I asked relieved but all of a sudden Seth was quite, he was pushing his lips into a hard-line, just when I thought it might be better my heart sinks to the bottom of my despair. I just can't fucking win.

"He never intended to and it was honestly my fault. I gave it to him knowing that he needed the stress, the hurt and pain to go away. Ness he was just so torn up. He would have never had done it if he thought he could save your relationship and that you would take him back." Even knowing this I feel a weight life of my shoulders. I could still save this. I could still save us.

"Thank you." I smile at him. Seth stands up and as he does I do to, but surprise him by giving him a hug. At first he was rigid and stiff but he soon fell into the hug.

"You're welcome." He whispers as the kitchen door opens. We jump apart and then I turn to see who it was. I feel my face light up.

"Jacob." I run to him and smush my face into his connecting my lips and his. I keep him there for a second. He pulls away and looks at me, pure shock over his face. I just smile at him and utter the words I know that he needs to hear.

"I love you Jacob."


	10. Chapter 10

**Sorry I haven't posted in a few days, College has started back up, but I will try my best to keep posting regularly!**

**Enjoy! Oh and thank you to my lovely Beta once again!**

* * *

Jacob lets out a heavy sigh and then smiles. He laughs slightly then leans his forehead against mine.

"I love you too, so much." He then kisses me again and it felt so good to be with him. There was nothing more important.

"What's going on in here?" Edwards stern voice came from behind us and all at once I was filled with reality. I turn around and see Seth standing to the side awkwardly and Edward was standing with his arms crossed across his chest.

"I'll call you later." I whisper as I push Jake out of the open door, he smiles at me as Seth follows him out. I shut the door and turn to Edward.

"Please don't." I plead with him, he's on my side I don't need him to start judging me.

"As long as you know what you're doing." He says holding his hands up in defence and then motions his head to the room. I smile and then grab some microwave popcorn out of the cupboard.

Edward and I sit on the sofa eating popcorn and watch School of rock. Edward makes annoying comments about the movie that I don't really listen to. I just want to watch the freaking movie. My phone was ringing in my back pocket. I fish it out and then answer it.

"Hello Jessica." I say all happy and cheery into the phone. Nothing could ruin my mood right now.

"Renesmee, tomorrow, you, me, Mike and Jake. We're going back to school shopping alright?" Her boldness makes me laugh and I nod, even though I know she can't see me.

"Sure thing, what time?"

"Mall at twelve?" She says all excited "Hi Ness." Mikes deep voice comes down the phone.

"Okay sure thing Jess and hey mike, good to hear from you I guess." We both laugh and then Jess hangs up. It's good to hear from her I feel like it's been forever, even though it's only been like three days. Now that Edward knows about the pregnancy maybe it will be safe to tell Jess, I have confidence now that people won't judge me and I know this pregnancy isn't a mistake. Plus I've told Jessica everything since we were in fourth grade when she came up to me and declared herself my best friend. Jess has always given me the 'Don't get pregnant' speech more times than I can count, but she's never given me the 'So you're pregnant.' talk. But Jess is always so understanding, she's always there for me and I know she'll be here for me now.

"Hey wake up sleepy head." Edward nudges me with his elbow. I find myself opening my eyes and realizing that I had fallen asleep on the side of the couch. The credits were rolling on the screen so I grab the remote and pause it.

"Sorry." I say stretching my arms and then yawning. As I bring my hands back down to my sides I feel my belly rumble.

"I haven't eaten all day." I say nervously, would that hurt the baby? Doesn't the baby live off what I've eaten?

"What do you want?" Edward gets up and heads for the kitchen. I just shrug and follow him in there! There really hasn't been much that I've been able to keep down and at the moment I've only been able to eat fruit.

"What are you in the mood for?" Edward claps his hands and then rubs them together, I laugh and then Look at him.

"I don't know like at the moment I really can't keep anything down, what would you suggest?"

"When your mom was pregnant she was the same, but when it came to cheese she would eat anything that was smothered in it. Grilled cheese? " He looked all proud and big headed. I nod and laugh at him as he makes his way around the kitchen to collect the ingredients. With ease he starts to prepare the food he had set out on the counter.

"So did you tell Jacob?" He asks casually as he puts the cheese on some bread and then puts it under the grill.

"No I didn't, honestly I don't want him to run away! I don't want him to decide that it's too much and that he doesn't love me enough to go through with having a kid."

"So what are you going to do Renesmee? He's going to find out sooner or later! You're going to start showing and when you do questions are going to be asked. Don't you think it's better to tell him now rather than later I mean it will sound better coming from you!"

"Yeah I know that, I know I need to tell him but as I've already pointed out, I don't want to lose him." Leaning my arms on the table I rest my right cheek on my arms so that I could still see Edward.

"Renesmee look at what you've been through the last couple of days with Jake, he keeps coming back, he keeps trying to make whatever he's done right. I may not like the kid but you have to give him that. If he didn't want to be with you, he wouldn't keep coming back. A child is… A big responsibility but if he loves you like you know he does he will get through it with you."

"What about you though? You loved mom so you say but you still ran away." I say frustrated, he was making sense but if he loved mom like Jake loved me then obviously everything he said was bullshit.

"is Jake a coward?"

"Were you a coward when you found out mom was pregnant?" I ask angrily, we were getting nowhere.

"Yes, I guess I was always a coward Ness." He says quietly as he watches the food he had placed in the oven.

"Has Jacob ever let you down Renesmee?" Edward turns towards me and I could feel his stare on the back of my head. I close my eyes and try to let go of the tension between us. Slowly I exhale and answer.

"No, he hasn't not really." I say straighten up in my seat. I guess he was right. I can't wait until I'm about to drop to tell him that I'm pregnant, not that I will have to because I'll be showing, Jacob and everyone else are not idiots. I'm going to have to tell him and it would be better if it came from me.

"Well there we go." Edward checks the grilled cheese and decides that its done. He plates it up and places it in front of me. I smell it slightly and realize that I was completely starving. It smelled so good, the odour of cheese seemed so new, so brilliant and so mouth-watering. Letting it cool I continue to smell this brilliant yet simple food, but as well as this I start to imagine what our child would look like. They will defiantly have brown eyes and beautiful dark skin like Jacob. Jacob is such a strong character he has such a strong personality that I can't imagine any of me being in our child. Any part of Jacob that is in a child makes them as close to perfect as I can ever imagine.

"Okay well I'm going to go and have a shower. I'm meeting Sue at six and it's five. Got to make myself look half presentable." I nod my head as I take the first small bite of my grilled cheese. Oh my God.

"So you and her are really hitting it off?" I ask after swallowing heaven.

"Yeah I guess, is that okay with you? Like if she was around a bit more?" He asks all of a sudden nervous.

"If you're happy I'm happy." I say smiling up at him sweetly. A warm fuzzy feeling blossomed inside of me and all of a sudden I felt like I was on cloud nine. Nothing could bring me down and I honestly felt like I've never been happier. Edward smiles and then leaves me to eat.

I finish off my grilled cheese and then place my plate in the sink. I decided that since I still had a little bit of time to be a selfish teenager I wasn't going to bother washing it up. As I walk out of the kitchen and start to climb the stairs Edward starts to climb down them.

"I won't be out too late." He says as he continues to do up his tie. I just smirk.

"Don't get to drunk now."

"Yes mam." He laughs. I continue my journey up to my room and quickly undress into my PJ's. I slump in bed and then quickly realize that the reality of this does not just stretch to Jacob. I'm going to have to tell Mom and Esme and Carlisle sooner or later. Even worse I'm going to have to tell them that I've decided to keep my baby and not give it up for adoption or anything like that. They're going to have to see me struggle just like mom did. What a bad case of Deja Vu .

Mom is going to go mental. But I can't think of anyone who will be more supportive than her, I mean she went through it with no parents. She had pretty much no one (Apart from Esme and Carlisle) She had to do it on her own. I won't have to do it alone though, I'll have Edward and mom and obviously my grandparents. Plus my mom is my mom right? She'll love me no matter what.

Taking my laptop out from under my bed I quickly message Jacob about tomorrow. He agrees to meet me at my house and that I will drive him in my new shiny car. It feels so good to Have Jacob back, I guess he just needed a massive kick in the fucking ass. I bite my lip and try to decide the best place to tell him. I could take him to the meadow tomorrow and tell him there. Maybe he'll be so blinded by the meadows beauty that he won't realize our stupidity.

Drifting to sleep I think about a small dark skinned child running around a forest with his parents following after him.

I stretch as I wake up and then check the time on my alarm clock. 10:30. I don't think I've ever slept for so long in all of my teenage life. I giggle to myself as I stretch and wiggle my toes. I feel so good, like I'm a shining star. Sitting up in bed I surprise myself by not hurling again and then make my way to the bathroom. Before I could go in however Edward sticks his head out from the bathroom. I pinch my nose to stop myself from smelling the disgusting smell that came from there.

"What the fuck?" I moan as I realize the painful smell was the smell of puke. I look at Edward and see the dark circles around his eyes and the pastiness of his skin.

"I only had a few shots, maybe a few beers. I can't believe how much of a light weight I've become." He whines as he looks down at the floor and takes deep breaths. I just laugh at him.

"Renesmee this isn't funny I feel really sick." He mutters which makes me laugh even more. I scuttle my way past the bathroom, avoiding looking and turn my head back to him.

"Clean that up okay, I don't want to go in there and throw up because you were sick. I'm on a two day winning streak with not throwing up." I smirk and then leave him to his own problems. Rushing down the stairs I go into the kitchen and grab some readymade pancakes from a packet. I place them in the toaster and then grab the cheese from the fridge. Just an experiment. Once the pancakes were steaming ready I grate some cheese over them and then grab some cutlery. Cautiously I sit down at the table and stare at my food. Once I had mustered up the courage I Cut a small slice of pancake and then made sure that a large amount of cheese was also on my fork. Slowly i spoon it into my mouth. The sweetness of the pancake collides beautifully with the savoury and mouth-watering taste of the cheese. Nothing has ever tasted so good.

I guzzle down my food and place my plate in the sink with my plate from the night before. Slowly I make my way up stairs and into the now vacant bathroom. The strong smell of cleaning products fills my nose and I have to cover it. I breathe small breaths through my nose and try to avoid getting the taste in my mouth. I shower quickly, keeping one hand pinching my nose. Washing my hair was an interesting experience.

Wrapping a towel around my body and wrapping one around my head I make my way back to my bedroom. I pick sensible clothes and then slip them on. I check the clock and realize that its 11:30. Holy shit Jake will be here in a minute. I take out my hair dryer and dry my long wavy hair the best I could.

"Renesmee." I hear Jacob's loud cheerful voice come from the back garden. I grab my wallet and bag and then rush down stairs. I grab my phone from the living room and then enter the kitchen. Edward was there sat at the kitchen table. He had his face in his hands and there was a cup of black coffee set in front of him.

"My wallet is over there. I took out $500 dollars before I went and got fuck up for you to spend today." He points to his wallet that was on the counter. I go to it and open it. I spy the massive wad of notes in his wallet and take them out. In shock I turn to him.

"Uh, are you sure?" I ask walking over to the table and placing the money by him.

"Yeah go crazy." He mutters. I squeal slightly which causes him to cover his ears. I then kiss him on the cheek the way that I always do with mom. He looks up at me and smiles. I return the smile, put the money in my purse and then make my way outside.

"Hey you." Jake says lightly. Nervously he pulls me to him and kisses me.

"Hey, you ready?" I say taking him over to my new car.

"Jeez, what a beauty." He says running his hand over the hood of the car. Admiring its perfection.

"I know." I laugh excitedly. We get into the car and I start to drive.

"I never knew how caring Seth was." I say to him. Starting of the conversation.

"Yeah he's a good friend." Jacob says as he looks down at his lap. I roll my eyes.

"Stop okay Jake. You're not a shy person and you've never been shy around me. I believe that what happened was all Sam okay. I don't believe that you meant for that kiss to happen and I don't think you did drugs Jake. I mean Seth told me about the weed but it was a small problem compared to everything else. I know that you won't do it again okay. I don't want to talk about it because there's nothing else to talk about, it's just awkward. Seth pretty much covered everything so please can we just move on." I take a turn on the right just as Jacob looks up and looks at me.

"Okay you're right. So why do we have to leave so early, it only takes twenty maybe thirty minutes to get to the mall Ness." He points out as he changes the station on the radio.

"Jess is always early. I'd be a foolish friend if I didn't know that." I laughed .

Sure enough we find Mike and Jess in the food court half an hour before we were supposed to meet. As she sees me she laughs happily and then brings me into a tight embrace.

"Are you ready for this?" She asks tauntingly. I just roll my eyes and laugh.

Jess and Jake drag us around the mall, we go in multiple sports, clothes and stationary shops just so the two of them can see the best designs and prices. Did I ever mention that I hate shopping with Jess? Well it's become a heavy habit. Myself and Mike trail behind. Only talking when were asked something and buying barely half of what Jess and Jake pick up and spend the cash on. I see the way that Mike looks at Jessica though. His perfect quiet yet modest personality suits Jessica's outgoing and loud character. He calms her down, he brings out the gentle side of her and she brings out the protective, manly side of him. I've never met two people who bring out so many personality's and emotions in each other.

"So I'm glad you're feeling better?" I say to mike awkwardly as we follow our partners around a very fancy stationary shop. He looks up at me and smiles shyly.

"Yeah I heard that you punched Sam, that's pretty sweet Ness." He laughs encouragingly. He makes his way slowly around the shop. I could see every now and again the small winces of pain on his face. He holds his side slightly but keeps it out of Jess's sight. I know that he doesn't want her to worry.

"Yeah, hurt like hell though. Hey do you want to sit down on those chairs over there, and have a rest." He just nods his silent thank you as we make our way over to some chairs that were by the diaries.

Myself and Mike settle into a comfortable silence. Mike takes out his phone and starts to play a game. As I rustle through my bag I realize that I still have my now battered copy of Star Crossed. I start to read from the place that I left off. Her and her gay best friend were now friends again and they were getting ready to go to a club. Getting engrossed in my book I almost didn't hear the disgusting giggles that came from the other end of the shop. I look up and panic spreads over me. Jacob and Jessica were looking at note books and folders, they had their back to an oblivious Alice and Sam who were looking at craft paper and pens. I was stuck to my chair just looking at the disaster that was about to happen. Sam continues to whisper stuff in Alice's ear and she continues to giggle.

"For the love of God just shut up." Jacob's voice comes from his lips as he turns around. His brave face fell as he saw who it was. I leap into action and rush to stand by Jacob and now Jess's side.

"Shut up black." Sam spat at him. Mike had made his way over to us. I could feel Jacob tense up.

"Don't you look disgusting? Sorry Ness I guess I got the better, cooler, stronger guy. Good luck with my sloppy seconds. Oh and little miss I think im better than everyone, I think you need to get your head out of your ass, you ain't that pretty . How's the ribs Mike? Still broken?" She laughs and I step forward, fuming. How fucking dare she. She raises an eyebrow and then laughs even more.

"Who the fuck do you think you are? You think you're better than everyone else? What's a pretty arrogant little girl doing getting all mixed up with this dickhead? Alice step of your nasty little pedestal and really take a minute to look at yourself. You stupid whore." I' stepped closer to her, getting right into her face. For the first time in my life I actually towered over someone. God knows what their nasty sex life is like.

She then did something I didn't expect. She pushed me with her hands. Her hands connected with my torso and I went stumbling back. She may be small but damn that girl has power. As I stumble backwards I fall into one of the stands holding all sorts of stationary. Instead of falling backwards the stand wobbles a bit and then falls onto me. It comes crashing down onto my back. It was massive and I've never felt anything so heavy on me in all of my life. Then my thoughts immediately turn to my belly. I start to scream at the top of my lungs.

The next thing I know is the massive stand was being lifted of me and I was being helped up. Shock was plastered on everyone's faces, even Alice's and Sam's.

"Do you know what you've done you fucking idiot." I shout at her, tears streaming down my face. I place both hands on my stomach.

"Calm down you're not hurt." Alice mutters, crossing her hands over her torso and looking to the side.

"No I'm not." I yell at her.

"Then why are you fucking shouting?" She yells back.

"Because I'm pregnant." I scream


	11. Chapter 11

What?" Jacob says stunned, everyone was looking at me. I look at Jessica's face, she had her hand over her mouth and her perfect eyes were all large and bulging. Quickly I rush out of the shop. I needed to go to the hospital. I needed to check if it was okay.

"Renesmee wait," Jacob yells as I make my way out of the mall and into the parking lot. I spot my car and rush over to it. With shaking hands I try to place the key in its slot but I couldn't get my hands to stop moving.

"Oh come on." I say angrily to myself. They all know. Worst of all Alice and Sam know. It won't take long for this information to get around with those two on the case. Now every nasty fucker is going to know my business. I can't do this if everyone I know is talking about me but in all honesty I don't know what the fuck I expected. Did I honestly expect that those who I don't want to know about me being pregnant wouldn't find out? I've been living in a fucking bubble. Hands take hold of the back of my shoulders. I recognize the grip and then turn into Jacob.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jacobs voice breaks and I could then tell that he was crying. I start to cry half-heartedly into him and then speak through a broken voice.

"I was scared that you would run away, that you wouldn't love me enough to stay." I couldn't bring myself to look up at him and instead we just stand there holding each other and crying. Until he speaks up.

"I would have never left you too deal with the alone baby, I would never be able to forgive myself. Ness I'm hoping that this isn't real, I really I am but I will be here, we're going to have a baby and this child is going to know both of us. I promise." I look up at him barely managing to nod my head./p

"Give me the keys, I'll drive you to the hospital." I hand him the keys and walk quietly over to the passenger door.

"I was sat on the hospital bed that was in the doctor's room. Jacob was sat on one of the chairs that were next to the bed. He had his face in his hand's, he hadn't said anything since we had got here. I explained what had happened and the doctor was surprised that I wasn't hurt. Not even a scratch however she wasn't very happy that I hadn't had a doctor's appointment since I knew I was pregnant. So she did an ultra-scan and told me that the baby was fine, that the amniotic sack was fine and that there was no damage done. It was a massive, massive relief and it made me cry with happiness, but now there was the difficult task of organizing all of my appointments and prenatal appointments and stuff like that. It sort of confused me and made me anxious. The doctor enters the room again, Jacob and I both look up to her.

"Okay so we'll have to arrange a date for your twelve week scan, and then your second one will be between eighteen and twenty-one weeks. On your second scan you can also if you want to find out the sex of your child. I'm also going to let you know when your prenatal appointments are. It's very important that you attend them because they are there for us to attend to the health of you and your baby. I also recommend that you and Jacob go to the classes that have been set up for young teens and first time mothers on looking after babies and the birthing process, it would be easier on you if you knew what to do when you need to know it." I nod my head slightly as she hands me some leaflets.

"If you have any worries then please call okay." She offers me a wide smile as I take the card with her number on it. Silently Jacob and I leave her office and make our way out to the parking lot. As I walk Jacob takes my hand.

"Ness we can do this." He says confidently. I really and honestly didn't expect him to be this mature about this.

"I really hope so." I say to him giving him the first smile that had come up on my face since the mall. As we get into the car, me in the driver's seat and Jacob in the passenger seat. Before I start the car I check my phone. Ten missed calls from Jess and twenty text messages. I sigh then hand my phone to Jake. He looks at me confused. I put the key in its slot and then back out of the parking lot.

"Please call her and tell her that everything's okay. That I'm fine and that I'll call her later." Jacob nods his response and then dials Jess. I listen to their conversation and how Jacob struggles to comfort her worry. Eventually he just hangs up and we drive in silence. The journey was short since there was no traffic so it was a measly ten minutes until I was driving up onto the driveway at the back of Carlisle's and Esme's house.

"Call me when you can okay." Jacob leans across and gives me a gentle kiss. I return it and then watch as he gets out and walks in the direction of his house. I soon get out myself and push open the back door. Throwing my bag on the counter I take a glass from the cupboard and get myself some tap water. Edward enters the kitchen in a bit of a rush. He looked much better than this morning. Forgetting what he was going to say. As soon as he saw my face he stopped and then frowned.

"What's wrong?"

"I got into a bit of an accident at the mall and then everyone found out that I was pregnant and then Jacob took me to the hospital. Everything's fine but now I have all these dates at the doctors for appointments and stuff. It makes me nervous." Before Edward could reply. The door that lead into the room was pulled open and a very shocked Carlisle stood at the door.

"You're pregnant?" Carlisle's slow whisper takes me by surprise. I feel my hands start to shake once again. No, no don't look like that please. Hurt spread over his face and it was complimented by the anger on Esme's face. She had pushed her way past Carlisle and was now standing at the other end of the kitchen table.

"Please don't be angry at me. Please I didn't mean for it to happen, I didn't want it to happen." I panic going over to Esme but she just steps back, looking at me with utter disgrace.

"You, I can't, how stupid can one person be? I warned you about this Renesmee, I warned you over and over again to be careful. You saw how hard it was for you mom, how can you be so fucking careless. You silly, silly girl." I took a step back from her, scared and hurt. I'd never had Esme talk to me like that before and most of all I'd never heard her swear before let alone at me.

"Esme, this isn't going to help, look the poor girls petrified." Carlisle tried to reason with her sternly. He walked over to me and cautiously, awkwardly put one arm around me and with the other hand he started to rub my arm. I stood there awkwardly with tears running down my face. I was tensing my jaw trying to stop the cries from coming out.

"No Carlisle, this is her mistake. She never listened. She always had that attitude where she thought she's better than everyone else, that nothing bad will happen to her. Well look at her now. She's arrogant, she's pathetic. The girl can't even look after herself and now she's going to have a baby." She rages screaming at me. I could see the anger in her eyes and the tight lines on her face oozed disappointment.

"Stop shouting at her, who is the adult here? What are you doing, do you really think she needs this Mom? Be supportive for God's sake or you're going to regret it." Edward's calm voice came from the far end of the room. Esme turned to him, her face turning red and her hands were balled into fists which were stuck by her sides.

"Fine you know what, I wonder what your mom will think about this." Esme grabbed the wireless phone that was on the kitchen side. She dialled a number and then panic rose in me.

"No Esme please don't." I cry running to her, but there was already a voice coming down the phone and Esme was already talking to the voice.

"Bella, hey sweetheart, hope you're having a lovely time. Renesmee wants to tell you something very important." Esme stuck the phone in my face, with disbelief I took it. I placed it to my ear and heard my mom's voice.

"Ness, what's up?" Her voice started to sound worried. I couldn't bring my voice to my lips. I can't tell her not like this.

"What is wrong with you?" Edward says to Esme as he takes the phone from me and hung up. He then grabs my arm and I allow him to lead me out side. He opens the passenger side door and I climb in, crying silent cries.

"She doesn't mean it Ness, don't take it seriously sweetheart. Just let her calm down." Edward was convincingly confident with his statement but nothing could make me feel better.

"She hates me, Esme hates me." I cry as I put face in my shaking hands. My whole body was shaking. Nothing felt right, everything was going wrong again and now Esme was going to tell mom that I'm pregnant. She's going to ruin everything. With everything being so over whelming, I start to scream. Edward slams on the breaks which throws us both forward. We just sit there for a while. Me screaming and him rubbing my back. Eventually the loud cries turn into silent ones and then they stop all together. I just look down at my lap and let the tears fall.

We drive in silence, I just felt numb everywhere. I've been so stupid to think that everyone will just get over this and not have any problem with it. I honestly didn't expect Esme to act like that. She's always been so calm about everything that it was like something angry possessed her. Like it wasn't her just someone else wearing her face and using her voice.

"Frozen yogurt." He says spontaneously. I look up at him blankly and just shake my head.

"Oh come on, you need frozen yogurt, I bet your favorite flavor is toffee." I look up at him and raise my eyebrow slightly. So he can read minds now?

"Mine too." He laughs slightly. I know that he's just trying to help but it's going to take more than ice-cream to fix this. I've ruined everything. Mom is going to come home from her holiday, God knows if James has proposed yet. They still have like a week and a half of their holiday so probably not. All of that planning all, all for nothing. This was supposed to be about mom not about me and now I was going to be the centre of attention for all of the wrong reasons.

I thought that mom would support me, but looking at the way that Esme acted I'm not so sure anymore. My mom has always supported me, she's always pushed me to do things that I thought I would hate but ended up loving. She is the person who knows me the best and I don't think I can handle her being as disappointed and angry as Esme was. I can't live a life without having mom on my side without her encouraging me and her beautiful words of wisdom. I can't just live with Edward being the only adult to support me in my life, not after having Esme and Carlisle and mom be there, watching me grow up the people who have always pushed me in the right direction, to help me become the best person that I am! How am I supposed to get by without them especially when I'm about to become a parent?

"No I'll have vanilla please, keep it simple." He smiles then nods as he gets out the car and crossed the road to the ice-cream parlour. I sit there silently in the car. I place my phone in my hands and just look at it. It started to buzz and mom's caller ID popped up on the screen. I can't talk to her right now, whether she knows about me being pregnant or not. I'm going to have to face her when she gets home. Talking to her about this over the phone is not the best

Although Edward had turned off the car he hadn't locked the door because I was still in here. Big mistake. The passenger door was swung open and I was viciously pulled out. I tried to grab the passenger seat but the person dragging me out of the car was to strong, I let go and as my body left the car I smacked my arm on the passenger door. A shooting pain engulfed my entire arm and I let out a small yelp of agony. I was rushed across the street. I didn't even have enough time to scream. Ironically there was no one about to help so I push and struggle against the person who was pushing me into a small alleyway. He was keeping his head down and had a hood on that was covering his face, he was alone.

"Let go of me. Who the fuck are you?" I scream angrily hiding me fear. I stop trying to get away and as it pushes me against a wall and lifts me off my feet by the collar of my coat I get my hand behind his head and yank down the hood.

"You're fucking kidding me right? You're some kind of sicko Sam." I spit at him as I struggle once again to push him away. I expected abuse, I expected him to start swinging, for him to start raging but instead he sets me on my feet. And smiles at me.

"What is wrong with you?" I ask cradling my now throbbing arm.

"Aww common Ness don't be like that, I don't buy it. I never have! I see the attraction you feel for me. It was evident from the start, when you said all of that mean stuff to me at that house party, you were just trying to hide your feelings for me because you were in front of Jake." He put his hands on either side of my waist. Keeping me against the wall. I look up at him and start laughing.

"You're crazy." Was all I could muster to say. I look at his face and then start to laugh harder. "I never… I never liked you Sam, never even out of pity. Big boy come out of that deranged little world of yours and fuck off back to where you came from." He didn't answer he just stepped forward, lent down and pressed his nasty, foul, dry lips to mine. I resist the urge to throw up and start to push him away, placing my hands on his chest. After realizing that wasn't going to work, I let on to his kissing and once he felt comfortable I bit down on his lip. Hard.

"You little bitch." He seethed as he wiped the blood that was now draining out of his lip. I start to walk away quickly. I just need someone to see me to help me. Sam comes up behind me and slams me against the wall again painfully. I scream at him trying to claw at his face as he once again lifts me off my feet.

"Renesmee." Edward cries out my name, I turn my head to the sound and scream my reply.

"DAD."

Edward came shooting around the corner. He saw the situation and ran at Sam. For Sam the roles had been revered. He was now the one that was being pushed against the wall. Edward had his face close to Sam's, he was speaking in angry whispers.

"What did I tell you? What did I tell you if you ever touched my daughter again?" His threatening voice made all of the blood drain from Sam's face. Edward pulled him forward and then threw him back at the wall. He was lifting Sam just like Sam lifted me. I could see honest and true feat on Sam's pathetic face. Edward curled his fingers into his palm and extended his hand backwards. He was holding Sam by the neck now. Sam had slipped down onto his feet but made no moves to escape.

"What did I tell you?" Edward yells in his face. Sam opens up his mouth and whispers his reply.

"That you'll hurt me in ways id never imagine."

"That's fucking right." I could See Edward getting more and more angry. So I stepped forward and took hold of his extended hand.

"Don't hit him. Just, let's go to the police or something. Don't do something stupid because of him. He'll get what he deserves." Edward let go of Sam and then took him by the collar and directed him in the direction of his car. I followed behind. Sam got in the car willingly and for once was silent. No cocky comments today. We drove to the police station and I gave a statement, not only about what had happened to me but what Sam did to Mike. Sam admitted it all, the first shred of decency that I had ever seen in that boy. We left him at the station. They said they were going to keep him in to find out more about who else was involved with the whole Mike situation.

Instead of driving in the direction of home, Edward drove in the direction of Seattle. I sat in silence and replayed what had happened. It was sort of unreal to be honest. I don't think anyone will believe me if I told them.

"That's the first time I've ever heard you call me dad." Edward said glancing at me. I guess he was right. I didn't even realize that I had done it but it felt comfortable and right. I find myself taken off guard. I never thought that I would ever call him that.

"I guess you've earned the title." I say. Edward just smiles and nods his head the way that he always does. It occurs to me that he may do that because he just doesn't know what to say. We drove in silence until we came to a very fancy and stylish set of apartments. The outside of the apartment building looked glossy and new.

"I brought an apartment here. I've been here for a while even before Esme and Carlisle knew I was here because I was setting up the apartment. I've gotten myself a job here and I was thinking of moving back." He says quickly after he had parked in the parking lot that had been set out for the tenants of the apartments.

"That's cool." I say light heartedly. This meant that I could stay here and not worry about going home anytime soon. I guess it was cool that he was moving here as well, I mean were getting on pretty well now. Getting out of the car I follow Edward into the building. They had this beautiful lobby sort of thing. On the left were rows and rows of letter boxes for each tenant. To the right there was a massive elevator and then in the middle were double doors that indicated there were stairs. Edward goes over to the elevator and pushes the up button. We wait patiently and soon enough there was a small ping that was followed by the doors opening. We step in and I see Edward press the 4th floor button. We go up and he starts to smirk. I just look at him and role my eye. Big head, with all his damn money, I bet it's the priciest room in this building.

We step out of the elevator and he goes to room twenty-four and pulls out a key. Slowly he slots the key in its place and turns it, the door cracks open. I step inside and breathe in the beautiful smell. The living room and kitchen were decorated to the highest standard with marble floors and sides it was decorated from top to bottom with the lushes blacks and whites. It was truly amazing.

"Wow." I laugh. Edward laughs with me and then he brings me into an embrace. Slowly I start to cry.


	12. Chapter 12

Read && Enjoy!

Once again thank you to my lovely Beta!

Haven't put this on my other chapters but i thought i should put it somewhere: But the characters aren't mine totally belong to twilight and Stephanie Myers. Obviously.

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The next day I sit in my bed texting Jess. My room was beautiful. It may only be an apartment but my room here was much better and bigger than the one at home. The whole room had a New York theme, it was just breath taking. I'd invited Jess over because I had some explaining to do but mostly because she had invited herself over first.

Climbing out of bed I go to the kitchen that was joined with the living room. I walk down the long hall and go to the kitchen, it was small but perfectly cosy. I go over to the bread bin and take out some beagles. I then go over to the fridge and take out some cream cheese and proceed to spread a large amount on both sides of my beagle. I hadn't even finished half of my food before there was a loud banging at the door. Edward had left early, something he had to sort out with his job. So I was the only one here. Rushing to the door I open it and all of a sudden I'm engulfed in a suffocating hug.

"I'm here, its okay." She says dramatically, I just laugh at her as I give her a small squeeze of my own. I lead her over to the Couch and sit down, she does the same and her eyes land on me.

"Renesmee why didn't you tell me?" Her eyes look sad, she sighed slightly and took my hand.

"It all happened so fast Jess I've really only just found out myself. I was so scared to tell anyone. I ended up telling Edward two days ago I think and he was so understanding that it gave me confidence to tell you and Jake. Trust me I was going to tell you both, just not the way that I did obviously." After looking at her, I asked the question that I wanted to ask her since she had got here.

"So what's been said about me?" Jess bit her lip that's what she did when she was nervous and I knew then that it wasn't good.

"Alice pretty much managed to get it around to everyone at school, not just our grade but all the grades above and below. She even managed to tell Charlie. It's just the same bullshit Ness, the people that genuinely care are the people worth having around." Jess rubbed my shoulder sensitively. Then that means that Esme isn't worth having around…

"Plus we have drama tonight and I think it would be good to go out after all of this. Show your face. Show everyone that you cannot be beaten down by this, show them the strong, unbeatable Renesmee that I know and love." I smile, unsure if what she was saying is safe territory.

"What about Alice?" I say bluntly.

"Oh don't worry about her. She was doing drugs last night with Sam's gang. Sam was mysteriously not there and she got caught by her parents. Stupid girl decided to do it at her house. Trust me you won't be seeing her for a very long time."

"You can't be sure of that." I point out raising an eyebrow.

"Her parents are sending her to her grandmother's house in Scotland." I look at her and my whole face splits into this massive grin. She nods her head at me showing her own smile now. We both start to laugh and then I stop, remembering something. Sam.

"Oh my god."

"What?... what?" Jess says all panicked. She throws her hands to my belly softly and then looks up at me all serious.

"Nothing to do with my Baby Jess." I laugh. She settles back into the sofa and I carry on "Yesterday, Esme and Carlisle came home and they ended up finding out I was pregnant. Esme flipped out and went all crazy, she called mom and tried to get me to tell her over the phone that I was pregnant. I was lucky that Edward was there really because he stuck up for me. Then he took me out and stopped for ice-cream. While he was in the shop Sam hauled me out of the car, dragged me to this nasty back alley and kissed me. He thought I had feelings for him and that he should reveal his feelings for me." Jess jumped up on her knees. She had both hands cover her mouth and her eyes were doing the buldging thing again.

"No fucking way." She finally says.

"Yeah and then Edward dragged him off me, took him to the police and he admitted everything. Even all the stuff he did to Mike ." Jess stopped moving. Her eyes were looking past me and her lips were pressed into a hard line. I look down at my lap and once I muster up the courage to look at her again she was smiling.

"That's great news." She laughs. I hug her and then dragged her around the house. Going into rooms that I hadn't even ventured into yet. He had a freaking library and game room. The only thing that this place was missing was a swimming pool.

"This place is amazing." Jess breathed as she fell onto my unmade, king-sized bed.

"How do you think your mom will react?"

"Not well, now that I saw how Esme reacted."

"I honestly think that she was just surprised. She cares about you Ness and having a kid well I'm sure she knows how hard it is. She wants you to be able to live your life before doing all the baby stuff and sure she may not have reacted in the best way, but it's a reaction that in her own way shows she cares."

"I hate it when you talk so logically." I sigh. I guess I can see where she was coming from but why would shouting at me the way she did give me any sort of comfort? Esme for one was out of order.

"So what happened after you left?" She asks nervously twiddling her thumbs.

"Jake came and comforted me, he drove me to the hospital and the doctor examined me or whatever. Don't worry were both fine. But she gave me all of these dates and stuff for appointments, it makes me nervous. I really didn't think about all of this Jess. I didn't think about all of the appointments that I would have to go to, all of the people that I would loose and everything I had to prepare. I've honestly been so stupid Jess. I've just though like okay I'm having a baby. I can do this but I haven't thought about all of the stuff that I'm going to have to do. Before and after the birth and…. And." Jess pulled me into her and I start to cry. All of this anxiety washing over me. I don't know how I didn't think about all of this. How I thought I'd be able to go back to school. I can't do that not now. God knows what sort of abuse I would get.

"It's okay Ness." Jess soothed. She rubbed my back and put her cheek on the top of my head.

"No Jess it's not."

We stayed like that for most of the afternoon. I was a mess and Jess just sat, hugging me and trying to calm me down.

"Come on you." She said finally after we had gone around and around in conversation talking about the same stuff. Jess pulled on my hand and then yanked me to my feet. I clumsily let her drag me into the bathroom.

"You have a shower and I'll pick out some clothes."

"I don't think I have any here Jess." I'd only stayed here one night. I know I don't have any clothes here apart from the ones that I wore here yesterday. Edward had to go out last night to get me PJS because I refused to sleep in my normal clothes.

"You have a whole closet full of clothes in your room." Jess shouted from a faraway distance. I was just about to turn on the water. I froze and then frowned.

"What?" I shout back as I turn on the water and start to undress.

"Yeah a whole closet of the latest fashion. God am I jealous of you right now." I just shrug my shoulders a little and don't reply. I let the water drain over my aching, sore face. I let it wash the grime and hurt from my body and my hair. I struggle washing it and realise that it was finally too long. I want a change. I want short hair.

"Jess."

"Yeah?" I hear her shout back.

"Tomorrow can we go to the hairdressers? I want to get my haircut?" There was silence for a while and then she shouted back her reply.

"Sure." I fumble with the shampoo and wash my hair. As I washed the shampoo out I physically feel my hair weighing me down. How did I ever put with this?

As I get out I wrap a towel around my body and my hair and let myself walk out to meet Jess. Cautiously entering my room I see that she had laid out three outfits over my bed. I go over to my dresser and surprise, surprise there were underwear and socks placed neatly in there.

"This is super weird." I mutter.

"But stylish." Jess says. I turn to her and saw that she was looking at the clothes thinking very hard.

"This one defiantly." She points to an outfit that consisted of this beautiful beige long top, it had long sleeve's but where the shoulders would be there was nothing there. They had been cropped out. It was plain and simple yet elegant. It was complimented with a variety of necklaces and accessories. To go with all of that was a lovely pair of skinny jeans and some small high heels.

"No I'll wear my high top converse." I say as I nod my head to my dirty, white high tops that I had thrown in the corner last night.

"No need." Jess said. She went to my oversized closet, bent down and grabbed a new pair of high tops. They were a beautiful pearly white. I look at all of the brand new shoes that line the bottom of my closet.

"Holy fuck." I breathe.

I evacuate Jess out of the room and the gently slip on the outfit. Everything fits so nicely. The material of the top felt so beautifully delicate on my skin that I practically hugged myself. I wouldn't be able to wear anything like this in a few months.

I open the door and do a little spin. Jess claps her hands and giggles. For the first time after these few crazy days I felt normal. Just for that little second I felt like nothing hand changed.

"Okay now get that Jacket that I put on the end of your bed and lets go." I go over and slip on the jacket that she and pointed too. Everything felt so expensive and so.. so not me.

"You look lovely."

"I feel lovely." I giggle at her. I walk past her and lead her out of the apartment. Locking the door with the extra key that Edward had given me I then walk with her to the elevator.

"You should totally have a party here Ness."

"You're joking right?" I ask sarcastically.

"Yeah like a celebration." She ignores the doubt in my voice and jumps up and down clapping her hands.

"Oh, you mean a baby shower." I mutter rolling my eyes.

"No well yeah, but more of a party. Like a party before you have to start thinking about all of this baby stuff. A celebration for your teenage years before you have to start being a mom."

"So a party to signify the end of my teenage life. That a little morbid don't you think?" I say turning to her.

"Well when you say it like that yeah. But think of it as a positive way. All the people you care about and care about you in one room to celebrate you. Doesn't that sound good." I smile at her. Yeah it does sound good, one last party to just be a teenager.

"Okay, I'll talk to Edward." Jess gives me one of her lovely tight squeezes just as the doors open. She drags me out into the parking lot and we get into her car. As we drive I decide to tell Jess about everything that's happened with Jacob. About the kiss and how he turned up at my door at the dead of night begging for my forgiveness. I told her about the drugs and how everything hurt so much. I told her how caring Edward had been and how we'd become as close as we are now. I told her about how I felt comfortable calling him dad now. Jess listened contently as she always did, she didn't interrupt and didn't talk until I had finished telling her everything.

"I'm proud of you Ness." She said bursting with pride. I laugh at her but she had that serious look on her face and I realized she was being serious. I turn up the radio and we sing along to whatever came on. I even do a little jiggle in my seat which makes Jess laugh. Even when I'm constricted to my seat, I still can't dance. We were ten minutes late for drama. I realize that perspiration had started to spread on Jess's face. She was never late to anything, ever. I realize that she did all of this for me, not rushing me to get a move on with anything! She risked her perfect attendance for being early, just so I could be happy. Now I know she care's because she's never late for anyone. In a hurry she parks the car unbuckles her seatbelt, swings open the door and then slams it shut. She rushes into the building without looking back. I give myself a moment. Everyone in that building knows that I'm pregnant and although they're all pretty nice genuine people, they are still teenagers. They will still have the same urge to gossip and whisper behind ones back when something juicy is going on in ones lives. That I guess is the only part of a teenager you can truly trust. That even though they may not gossip I know they will all be dying to and will probably talk about me after drama has finished, after we all go our separate ways. I.. I think I just talked myself out of going in there. Jess would have a fit though, especially after making her late.

Taking a deep breath I walk into the building. As I push open the doors whoever had been talking had stopped, every single person in that circle turned to look at me. I scanned all of their faces, some of them were new to the group but none of them were Jacob. Silently I walk over to the only empty seat and take it. I look up at Charlie who was sat next to me. A beautiful, magnificent smile had taken over his face. He held his guitar on his lap and then looked towards everyone else in the group.

"This is Ness, Everyone say; Hello Ness." The whole group as one repeated what Charlie told them.

"Okay so we now have a big enough cast to do something with ourselves. The thirty of us here is not all we have to work with. There will be more beautiful actresses and actors to come. I'm sure of it! Okay so I'm going to pass out the script that I have prepared that is going to be our own production Grease. If you have any problems with the script, one of the scenes or about something that isn't in there then please tell me. But I have to remind you, we do have a budget for this." Everyone looked so excited, they started to clap. Charlie laughed, put his guitar down and bowed. I clapped along but there was this dying disappointment in me. How long will this take? Will I be able to partake? Will I be able to sing?

"Okay, okay settle down." Charlie laughed as he returned to his seat. He bent down, took the massive stack of scripts and told us to pass them out. As I got mine I opened it and saw that some of the characters already had people's names by them. Only a select few, myself and Jess being two of those people. I looked at who my name was next to. Sandy.

I close my eyes and sigh deeply. Tears threatened to prick them. I'd looked forward to this since I'd heard about it and now I've been given a brilliant part that I probably won't be able to play. I look at who Jess was. He name was next to two parts. Frenchy and she way my understudy . Well there we go then, she gets the lead like she always wanted and I get what? Nothing. Sulking in my bitterness, I just look down at my script. Charlie turned to me and whispered something.

"Everything okay?" I shake my head.

"Why what's wrong? You've been given the lead." he whispers, smiling. He just doesn't get it.

"I know you know Charlie, there's no point in pretending! I won't be able to do the play when I'm like nine months pregnant and ready to drop." I mutter a bit louder than his whisper.

"It'll take a year to get everything to together Renesmee." I look at him glumly and then register what he had said. I Jump up and hug him laughing a relived laugh. He hugged me back, laughing himself.

As I sat back down I look over at Jess who had witnessed everything. I grin at her getting all excited and she grins back.

After Drama Jess drops me back at the apartment. I give her a hug goodbye and say thank you for everything she'd done for me. I rush into the building and go straight for the stairs, too impatient to wait for the elevator. I soon regret my decision. With sweat dripping down my face I soldier on and get to the fourth floor. I'm so out of shape. I fumble with the key, making sure that my script stays tucked under my arm safely. I manage to get the door open and barge in, feeling the excitement rise in me. I can't wait to tell him. As I walk in and close the door silently behind me I'm met with the sight of Edward and Sue on the couch, he was sat up right and she was straddling his lap. They were connected in a very intimate kiss, until I cleared my throat feeling all awkward and uneasy. Edward's eyes shot open, when he saw me he practically threw sue of him. She landed on the floor with a thud and I could already see him turning Red. I couldn't control the smirk that was forming on my face. Sue looked up at me startled and then her eyes widened slightly. Quickly she stood up, smoothed down her elegant skirt and cleared her own throat.

"Are you staying for dinner?" I ask nicely, smiling widely at the both of them.

"Uh, I, Well if that's alright?" She stumbles, looking over at Edward for help, but he doesn't offer her any support he just looks blankly at the wall, trying to hold his smirk in.

"Cool, dad can we have pasta? I'm in the mood for pasta." His turns his head to me, and smiles a heart-warming smile.

"Sure whatever you want." He muses. He goes into the kitchen and starts to prepare the food. I motion for Sue to sit down and she does. I go and sit next to her. Sue sits awkwardly on the couch next to me with her hands in her lap. There was a sudden urge in me to laugh and before I could stop them the giggles escaped my mouth. She looked over at me awkwardly; her surprise struck face just makes me laugh even more.

"I'm.. sorry, I just, actually I don't know why I'm laughing." Tears spike my eyes and I continue to laugh. Sue turns to Edward.

"I don't know, don't look at me like that." Sue turns back around and spots the script on the table. She picks it up and looks at it.

"You're in a production of grease?" She says innocently, pointing at the script. I calm myself down enough to nod my head. She opens it and scans the cast list. She smirks a little then looks back up at me.

"You're Sandy?"

"That's great Ness, I'm-" Edwards voice came from the kitchen but he stopped mid-sentence. I knew his silent thoughts. I was the lead but I wasn't going to be able to play the part. I take the script from Sue's hands.

"Yeah Charlie said it's going to take like a year for everything to be finished, so I should be able to be in it, I mean I know that it'll be tight with the baby and everything but I know I can do it." I say in a rush. Sue places her hand on my shoulder.

"I love your optimism and self power Ness." I liked Sue, she was nice and clearly willing to try. She had her life sorted out, obviously had her head screwed on right. I honestly think she'll be good for Edward.

"Thanks." I say sheepishly. There was a loud banging that came from the door that made both me and Sue jump.

"What the hell?" Edward said confused as he opened the door. As he did mom barged into the room.

"mom." I strangle out the whisper of her name.

"You're pregnant." her voice was low and angry.

"Mom please, please don't be angry I need you right now." I say going over to her but she makes no effort to touch me.

"Esme told me over the phone that you'd gotten pregnant. I got the next plane home as soon as I heard. James and I had to cut our vacation short because you got yourself knocked up." Her fists were balled but I frown. She was angry because her vacation was ruined?

"You're angry because I ruined you vacation?" I ask.

"I'm angry because you know how hard it was for me. I always taught you about safe sex Renesmee I even supplied you with fucking condoms, telling you where they were in the house just in case you and Jake decided to get intimate. You've got a fucking head on your shoulders Renesmee why didn't you fucking use it?" she was shouting at me now. I felt frozen to the spot. I couldn't move the only thing I could see and hear was her.

"Mom, I didn't want this to happen." I try, I wanted to defend myself but I could tell that she was powered of pure anger.

"No I'm sure you fucking didn't. But it has now and do you know what? That your life is gone. Done. Finished. You will never be able to think about yourself ever again. That baby will be your main priority forever. You won't be able to go to college, or do whatever you wanted with your life. Everything's ruined now Ness. I can't believe you've been so stupid. I can't believe you've made the same idiotic mistake that I made." She was shouting and letting all of her anger out but it was that last sentence that hurt, I've never been so wounded by her in all my life. I was her biggest mistake.

"So I was a mistake was I? I ruined your life, is that what you're trying to say to me? Alright mom, you've made your damn point. If I stopped you from living your life, if I ruined everything then just leave, leave me alone and live your damn life. Don't come back and don't ever talk to me again because I'm not going to take being the reason why someone's life was ruined." She stood there shocked. She was shaking her head now. Tears in her eyes. She stepped forward and took my hand. But I throw her off and step back to Sue who was now standing.

"Just fucking go and live your damn life." I scream. Edward grabbed moms arm and lead her out the door. He slammed the door in her face and the walked over to me, consuming me in an embrace. That's it. The only person I wanted to be with me, just told me that I ruined her life and kept her back from doing everything she ever wanted to do. I honestly don't know how I'm going to be able to come back from this.


	13. Chapter 13

**Little chapter this time- still just as important!**

**Read and Enjoy!**

**As always thank you to my Beta! Wouldn't be able to do this without you!**

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I'm still living with Edward, me and him in this massive apartment that seems more and more colder each day. Sue was around a lot for a while, but I think the new girlfriend feelings has been wearing off for Edward. I don't think he liked her as much as he originally thought and of course it's led to heart ache. Not that he lets it show around me, having a pregnant teenage daughter is bad enough I guess. I tried going back to school. I honestly did but I was there one day and I was the subject for all the gossip and whispers. Jake even punched a few guys who made sly and cocky comments, needless to say he was suspended for a week. Edward got me a tutor. He's alright I guess, he's old and cranky but he's sensitive to my situation.

I haven't heard from mom since the last time I saw her two months ago. She was just walked out of my life and hasn't said a word since. It's painful knowing that she's going to get engaged, get married and live a happy life with James without me. She'll probably go onto have more kids with James and give them all of her love. The difference would be that they didn't hold her back or ruin her life, they would have come at the right time. I miss her so much, she's the only person I wanted to walk me through this, but she's made herself clear. I have to go to these prenatal appointments alone. Jake is in school, Edward is at work and well I haven't really talked to Esme. I don't know what to say to her, I'm still pretty angry to be honest. I drive there alone and they test my blood pressure, they take blood and test it to make sure that everything's okay. It's awkward because they talk to me like they understand, like everything will be okay. That's the thing when people just tell me that it's going to be okay, I mean Edward does it daily but he can't possibly know what it's like to lose his mom. He can only imagine what it's like, there's no way for him to know what it's like if it's never happened to him. It bothers me that everyone thinks they can tell me it'll be okay when they don't know my future, the only person who can make this okay is my mom and until I hear her say it nothing will actually be alright.

I walk down the hall to where the living room/ kitchen is and sit comfortably on the couch next to Edward.

"Where's Sue?" I ask, patting my belly slightly and feeling my small bump.

"Work I think."

"She didn't stay over last night?"

"No" He says blankly as he searched through the TV channels and settles for the big bang theory.

"Alright what's the deal with you and Sue right now? Are you together, are you not? For like months she was constantly here, I mean I was honestly surprised that she didn't just move in. Now though I never see her here. Is everything okay?" I cross my legs and lean my back against the arm of the couch so that I was facing him.

"I don't know Ness, it's like the warrantee has worn off. I just don't have the feelings I thought I had and obviously that's confused her and upset her because she feels like she's done something wrong. It's just not right Renesmess, i can't string someone along. Plus I have greater and more important things to concentrate on! Like you and the baby"

"When you say 'string her along' you mean you can't lead her on because you still have feelings for mom?" I sigh, the bitterness of this conversation leaving a bad taste in my mouth. He doesn't say anything and instead he starts to munch on the popcorn that was placed in a bowl that was next to him.

"Look dad, you and mom have had almost seventeen years to get over each other. If mom can move on and be happy like she is with James then so can you. I'm sorry but what you and mom had years and years ago has gone- it's no more. Sure you're always going to love mom in your own way because you know, you had a freaking child with her, she was your first love and whatever. I'm sure you're always going to have that little spot in her heart where she loves you as well but you weren't right for each other. The pieces no longer fit Edward. Do you see what I'm saying here. Mom loves James and that's how it's going to be. Sue is a lovely person. I mean she's willing to take on a guy with a pregnant teenage daughter and make an effort to care and be there for the both of us. Don't hurt her dad, I know you don't want to do that but I honestly think she's your ticket to being happy! You and her could be so good together, you just need to realize that there's nothing left of you and mom and move on, or otherwise you're never going to be happy again." The quietness starts to take over us. He had decided not to answer so I punch him on his arm and cross my own arms around my chest.

"Are you hearing me?" I say sternly once he had turned his head towards me.

"I think I should call Sue." He mutters, but smiles slightly too. I smile back at him and let my eyes follow him as he heads in the direction of his bedroom. I take the remote and flick through the channels until I decide to play the re-runs of teen wolf that I had recorded on the TV. I pat my belly slowly and ponder on the thoughts that have been flooding my brain for the last few months. It's so fucking weird to think that something is growing inside of me, living in my belly and developing into a tiny human being. I'm giving life to another person, keeping them alive and safe. That human being is half of me. In all honestly it's a little over whelming and makes me a little queasy.

Edward had promised that we could do something together, but as I watched the tv he came out of his room in a fluster and rushed to put on his coat.

"They've called me into work, can I take a rain check?" he says turning to me looking all sad and puppy dog like. I just roll my eyes and nod my head. I wave my hand at him in a lazy answer, meaning for him to go. As he closes the door I sigh. These damn walls feel like they're closing in on me. I'm here so much, often by myself that I'm starting to get sick of modern technology. Pushing myself up I head over to the coat hooks and take mine down lazily and slip it on. I then take my shoulder bag and place it over my head so it was hanging securely over my right shoulder. I catch a glimpse of myself in the huge mirror on the wall and stand there for a few seconds. I still had the same small and thin face, but it was complimented by my now shoulder length hair that delicately fell down and came into my face. I actually don't mind having short hair, it was different and stylish. Not to mention easier to handle.

Locking the apartment door I go over to the elevator and wait for the doors to open. I sign as I realise that I will have another six hour day of home schooling tomorrow. We were looking at Romeo and Juliet for English literature. It was alright, we'd already covered it in school- pre pregnancy. So it was a little hard do concentrate when I've already learnt about it. It was funny however to see his old wrinkly face go all red and saggy as he lost his patience. I smirk at the memory. The doors ping open and I step inside, press the ground floor button and watch as the doors close. I hug my coat closer to myself and beg it to provide some warmth. It was cold today, early October- people were already getting ready for Halloween. Not before however my end of teenage life party which Jess had to pitch across to Edward. Of course he agreed- she can be very convincing. I'm pretty convinced she'll be a lawyer when she's older.

Jess had arranged for it to be this weekend so that I would actually be able to like move around and whatever, before I have a big swollen bump for a belly. She's nuts that girl! All the food and decoration arrangement- she's gone all out apparently! My own little party planner. I don't bother getting in my car; instead I walk the short distance to the local park. They had this cute little kid's park with sand, slides and climbing frames. All very modern and new, not yet destroyed by the youth of today! I let myself into the park, pushing the squeaky gate open. I walk over to the bench that was placed just beyond the space in which the kid's park was. A bench that parents could sit on and still have the perfect view of their children. I sit on the left side of the bench and huddle up, taking the now finished and very battered copy of Star Crossed out of my bag. I run my hand over the bright and cringey cover, smiling slightly to myself. This book has unknowingly taught me more than I thought a book could. The fourteen year old author who wrote this book about love, who's book was published a measly two years after she had written it, when she was at the delicate age of sixteen has actually taught me a life lesson. Her book was about a family feud that had travelled down to two teenagers, two teenagers who happened to get the two main roles in Romeo and Juliet. I got to follow Jennifer as she thought the feelings of hate and then realised just as quickly that they had turned into love; something she never thought would happen. As I travelled through the book and took in her story, I realised the fine line between love and hate, I not only imagined it, I experienced it as well. I hated Edward. I hated him with everything inside of me, but now that's all gone. I understand him now and I feel so much more experienced, like my eyes have been opened. I almost experienced his loss. A loss of losing a child, the one I love. I understand why he did it and yet he continues to be here for me, always! He continues to be the single steady adult in my life, for the last few months I don't know what I would have done without him. I may have hated him back in the past, but I thank fate every day for opening my eyes and giving him the courage to become the father he always should have been.

I stand in this flowery dress that complimented my slightly grown boobs. It was held up with a tie that was tied behind my neck. It was a beautiful explosion of blue and white. I felt ridiculous. I watch as Jess rushed around, checking food and drinks and all of the decorations. She's been like this for the last hour and I have to admit, now it was becoming annoying.

"Jess, please just stop fussing, everything is perfect I swear." I mutter grabbing her hand as she goes to straighten a perfectly straight banner for the third time. She turns towards me and looks all innocent. She was wearing a small lace black dress that showed of her perfectly long legs.

"This looks amazing Jess." Jacob compliments her as he moves from the kitchen to the living room, without hesitation he places his hands on my waist.

"Tell me you weren't just munching on that food." She says, putting her hand on her now wrinkling forehead.

"No." Jacob answers cautiously wiping his mouth.

"I saw crumbs." She yelled. Jacob threw his hands up in defence as she grabs a pillow and throws it at him.

"I was hungry." He whined, but Jess was already distracted by the now knocking on the door. She opens it and everyone from drama comes flooding in, presents in every hand.

"You guys you shouldn't have." I say exasperatedly happy, I step forward and cover my mouth as I see all of them had wrapped presents of all shapes and sizes.

"Of course we should have." Charlie said from the back. He stepped forward and gave me the first of many presents. I wipe the tears that fall on my cheek and laugh at their kindness. I motion for them to follow me and I lead them to the library where they put all of their presents. I get hugs all around and Jacob gets a few slaps on the back, I have more and more girls come up to me and tell me how pretty I look. I knew all of their names and had got pretty close to them within the last few months. As I look around the room I smile proudly to myself, this room full of people; I know them all, they all care for me and I care for them. The way it should be. The door opens for the tenth time and just before I could wonder how many people could possibly fit in this apartment and start dancing, Edward, Sue, Carlisle and Esme come through the door. I rush over to them, thanking the lord that I was wearing flat shoes.

"Carlisle." I cry as I jump into him. He holds me tight and chuckles.

"Long time no see kiddo , look at you! You must have aged at least thirty years." I laugh at him as he sets me down.

"And you don't look a day over twenty five!" I respond back. He laughs with me as I let my eyes travel to Esme.

"Esme-" I start but she had already engulfed me in a massive hug, she was pushing me against her, making it hard to breath. But it was the nice sort of hug. The safe and secure sort of hug.

"I'm so sorry Renesmee, I don't know what I was thinking." I push back from her and smile slightly.

"I don't ether, but I need you to be here for me Esme, I need your support! You've always been there for me and I can't take that I've been angry at you! Can we just be okay?" I ask. I could see that she was holding back the tears, she nods her head in a frantic motion.

"Okay everyone settle down." Jess's booming voice came over the music, I see out of the corner of my eye that Mike turned the music down.

"So we're all here to celebrate the end of Ness's teenage years and to celebrate the start of her new life. If anyone can be a parent it's Ness! Sure she's uncoordinated, clumsy and a little dim witted at times but she's the strongest person I've ever met. She's willing to give life to another person, to be anything for her baby! She strong, intelligent and so kind! I've never known anyone to think so much of others rather than herself! And well, her and Jake are going to have the damn cutest baby anyone in the whole world has ever seen! To Jacob and Renesmee." She raises her cup and so do those who had cups in their hands, others clap. I clap along and blow her a kiss. I honestly couldn't be happier, what would make it perfect though, is if mom was here to celebrate her grandchild too


	14. Chapter 14

**Another Small chapter (sorry) but all relevant obviously! I will try up loading a chapter every week! **

**Read&Enjoy!**

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It's Saturday. I spent last night and most of today over Renesmee's. Ness is six months pregnant now. She barely comes around to my house anymore and when she does my dad is never around. She's getting pretty big and is always demanding but who can blame her? I mean she has a freaking human being growing inside of her. The main reason, however is because my dad doesn't know that she's pregnant. Renesmee keeps pushing and pushing me to tell him, Keeps saying that he's going to find out sooner or later but I just can't! He's going to freak out, like literally hit the roof. He's always told me to be sensible, not to be stupid and to use my brain. In a heated discussion about it-which obviously he started because all of that is to awkward for me; he even told me not to come home if I did get my girlfriend pregnant at a ridiculous age. Now you see, there lays my problem.

I've tried telling him when he brings up Ness and how she's never comes around anymore but then he always goes onto how teens today are irresponsible and dumb and that I need to stay away from those kind kids. When I was high and he came home and saw me in a puddle of my own puke, I was surprised that he didn't kick my ass then. He's always told me that if I came home drunk or on drugs then he wouldn't let me in the door, he told me that I'd have to work with him every weekend, unpaid, all day until he felt I had learnt my lesson. The way he treated me however, with such consideration makes me think that he was just putting up a front, just saying it to scare me. This is what pushes me to tell him! That and Ness's constant pressure and disapproval of me not telling him yet.

With steady hands but a drumming heart I unlock my front door and step inside. My dad was in the front room still watching whatever football game was on TV. I'd lost interest in all of that a while ago, no time for sports now that I had a pregnant girlfriend. School had gone down hill as well, Ness won't ever let me stay with her at her house during the day. She says she wants at least one of us to get a decent education, but I want to stay with her, I don't want her to be by herself all alone. All day in school I cant concentrate on anything, not even at lunch when we're all supposed to chill and fuck around. I just get so worried about her, like what if something happens to her and I'm not there to help, to get her through it!

"Jake, come sit- watch the game with me?" Dad was sat on the couch, he doesn't look at me and instead just waves a hand for me to come over. I close the door hesitantly and then walk over to the couch. At first I just hover, not sure if I should sit or not. If he goes for me out of utter rage, it's probably best if I was standing.

"Sit, watch- what are you doing just standing there?" He lets his gaze move away from the TV and he finally looks at me, when he does; he looks confused. I don't know what I must have looked like but when he looked at me for a long period of time his frown depend.

"Ok what's going on with you just go ahead and spit it out, what have you done this time?" He muttered and then turned back to the TV when I didn't sit down next to him he sighed heavily and then shifted his whole body to look at me.

"Seriously Jake, start talking or I'm going to lose my patience! If you have something to say then say it. Is it about Ness? Have you two broken up again? Just take it from me, women are nothing but trouble..." He trailed off, looking at me and waiting for my response.

"Nessispregnant." I say in a low whisper all at once. He rolls his eyes and then huffs some more.

"You know I hate it when you mumble Jake. Just speak up and tell me what's going on! It can't be that bad!" He reasoned, raising his eyebrows- still waiting for a response. If only he knew what was really wrong. My dad has these mood swings, if he's having a shitty day nothing you say will make it better . When he's having a good day however, his responses are so different, he can deal with everything so much better. You could tell him that his football team had lost and he would just shrug it off like it was nothing. He looked chilled- apart from the fact that he was now frowning angrily because I wasn't replying.

"Renesmee is pregnant." I say slowly. His facial expressions don't change, not an inch. He just nods his head at me.

"So the dirty little bitch cheated on you?" He mutters, I take a step back in shock. That's what his great escape is, that's what he would turn to just to believe that I wasn't the one who knocked her up?

"No dad I-" He holds his hand up, putting it close to my face. I flinch a little as he does expecting a slap across the face.

"Don't try and defend her Jacob. The baby isn't your responsibility. You don't want that hanging on your shoulders son." I actually think he honestly belives what he's saying. Like there's a mental block in his brain that won't let him accept that I was one that got my OWN girlfriend pregnant.

"Dad listen to yourself. Renesmee didn't cheat on me ! You know she didn't, stop being so stupid. I got her pregnant, me! Okay I was stupid and didn't use protection. We were really drunk dad, it was a mistake I'm so sorry but this is happening! I'm going to be a dad and I'm going to need you to understand and support both of us! I can't be fully confident in all of this if you're not by my side! You've always told me to step up to my responsibilities and accept the actions that they lead to. Well I'm doing it dad, please just be my dad, please? Don't get angry at me. I'm scared, so fucking scared. What if I fuck up? What if I'm not good enough? What if my own kid ends up hating me? Don't you think I've thought about these things." I push down the sobs, pushing them down low into my throat but there was nothing I could do to stop the tears that were forming. He didn't say anything and instead he just looked at me blankly. Slowly he got up, I stiffened, frozen to the spot. He stepped towards me and wrapped his arms around me. One arm was placed on back of my neck and the other went around my back. I... I think he's trying to comfort me.

"So that's why she hasn't been coming around, I thought you two had broken up again." He said softly. This felt so unnatural, he never hugged me or tried to comfort me. I relax a little and as I do he steps back. Holding me at arms-length.

"I thought maybe you were just staying at a Friends a lot. Not that I would have really know any of this because I'm hardly around. Jacob I'm so sorry." He seethed punishing himself more than anything.

"Dad I.. It's fine honestly, I was just.. nervous to tell you I guess." I couldn't meet his eye. This wasn't going how I thought it would! I thought he would be pissed off, we would have this full on shouting match and I would walk out leaving him angry. I figured he may be angry about it, but at least then he would actually know about it. This however made me feel guilty! Guilty for not trusting him, for not telling him.

"I can understand why Jacob. Don't take this calm attitude to me being fine about this! I'm angry, trust me I'm so angry and disappointed. God am I disappointed in you. As you were talking though, when I was about to interrupt you and hulk out but I let myself really listened to what you were saying. What you were saying was right! I am your dad, I should be there for you no matter what! I figured shouting at you and getting angry would do nothing for the either of us." I look up at him slowly, blinking away my surprise. He's disappointed but he's not flipping out, this is just, it gives me hope it really does and my god it lifts a weight of my shoulders.

"I uh, thanks dad." I say a little dumbly. I didn't think this would happen so I just stare at him blankly.

"How far along is she son?" He asked softly. I look at him, my eyes wide. I hope the fact that I haven't told him for six months wont set him off.

"She's uh, she's Six months along dad." I say quietly. I feel all this shame and I know why, of course I do but it's so hard to push it all down. I'm supposed to be the strong guy that Ness can turn to for comfort. The guy that she can call when she needs something, the guy that will come running when she calls. She can't know I'm scared or that I feel guilty for not telling my dad or whatever. She'd think I wasn't fit to be a father and I can't bare losing her.

"Jacob." He sighed, dropped his head and then just as quickly raised it to look me in the eye. "You should have told me, I could have helped. If she needs somewhere to stay she can always stay here and if you need any help with money; I have savings and-"

"Dad, you don't have to worry about that, I mean Ness's dad he's well; he's loaded. I mean I hate that I'm not the one splashing the cash for my own kid but what can I do? I don't have any choice but to let him buy everything." I stick my hands in my pockets and look down at the floor once more. Dad's arms drop to his sides. He goes and sits on the couch again; I follow and sit beside him.

"It's strange." I start, struggling to find the words. "When I found out I though that i was going to feel this ridiculously strong love for my child. That I will feel this pride every time I feel or see it kick inside of Renesmee. I thought that I'd be going leaps and bounds for this baby but, I.. I'm not dad, why is that? I'm so confused. Like I know I'm going to be a dad and to some extent yeah I love the baby because it's part of me and its part of Ness, but I don't love it like she does." I place my elbows on my knees and then place my face in my hands. Dads hand starts to pat my back.

"She's the mother Jacob, the baby is growing inside of her, of course she's going to feel this amazing connection and undying love for her child. It's growing inside of her, she's giving it life. Believe me Jacob it's her calling in life and as a mother to love her child in such a way that no other can, not me not you not anyone. But when that baby come's into this world, when you hold your child for the first time son and you look into its eyes you'll feel it. That pull to be its protector, it's teacher, its guide. You'll do anything for that little baby that you hold in your hands, do or be anything just to be there for he or she because at the end of the day they are part of you, and you know inside of you that nothing could change or dampen the love that you feel. There's no class in being a parent, you learn as you go but as long as that child is continuously loved and cared for it will love you forever " I don't raise my head, I just freeze in the moment. I know that he was trying to tell me how he felt when I was a kid. Dad doesn't usually admit his feelings- he's not very good at expressing them which is why I guess I always have been, because I never saw any emotions accept maybe for his bad temper . I smile to myself a little.

"I guess you would know right." I say looking at him, he was smiling himself, a smile that matched mine.

"Right you are son. Can I ask do you know what she's having?" I change my face and smirk now, he grinned a little excited.

"We're having a boy!"


	15. Chapter 15

**I know that the chapters are short, but they are relevant to the story!**

**I have big things planned!**

**I would just like to say thank you to my Beta. Even though we barely speak anymore she still supporting me and guiding me more than i could honestly ask for! So thank you so so much chick! **

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Sluggishly I wake up, my belly was grumbling and felt like it was going to eat itself. Jacob was asleep beside me mumbled as he rolled over, taking all of the cover with him. Sighing I get up silently and then walk the short distance to the kitchen from my room. I had thrown up literally everything that I had eaten yesterday, last night. Jacob had stayed up with me for the few hours that I was on and off vomiting. He just sat and patted my back, giving me water or fetching anything that I asked for. It took me by surprise to be honest because I haven't had morning sickness for a while. I thought that part of the pregnancy was over!

I pour a healthy helping of cereal into a bowl then settle down on a chair that was parked at the kitchen counter and tuck in. I was six months pregnant now and my belly's becoming big and swollen. My back constantly hurts; it seems like everything is swollen and aching and well I just continuously feel like crying. Today however is different. I'm finally going to go out and get the stuff I need for the baby's bedroom. I have the bathtub , more clothes than any store would have and I have a changing table in his bedroom just stacked with diapers and wipes and baby supplies. But of course it's not enough. He needs more clothes, toys and oh my more cute little booties that I can squeal over. Whenever I see Esme she gives me another piece of equipment for the baby. A baby mat, a baby bouncer more and more stuff that I appreciate but it's starting to look like a baby shop in this house .

It all keeps my mind off the important things. The things that I should really be thinking about I mean. I've been to those parenting classes, they're alright! It's the sort of stuff that I would feel must more comfortable doing with mom though. It's okay bathing or changing a baby doll but when it comes to actually bathing my child I wouldn't trust these 'professionals' as far as I can throw them. Which I must admit isn't far at all. It's the birthing classes that scare me the most though. Doing all of the techniques, going through all of the pain relief options and what could go horribly wrong. It scares me that I could die at birth, I mean who the hell wouldn't that scare for God's sake. My child could have its umbilical cord wrapped around its throat which could cause even more complications. The thing that scares me the most though is putting my baby boy to sleep one night and him never waking up again. Crib death happens and no one knows why, it just happens. Why the hell would anything or anyone want to do that to a child? Rip it from its mother's hands before they have a chance to bond. It just doesn't make any sense.

Mom still hasn't spoken to me. In all honesty I've given up all hope of ever talking to her again. She's half an hour away and I don't feel like I will ever see her again. I need her so much, all of this stuff she would know about it all. It's sweet that Jake is always around but he doesn't know the first thing about all of this stuff, he freaks out more than I do. Plus now that he's told his dad he has so much more support from him, he has a place to go to get away from it all and someone to talk to. I'm stuck with it, I can't run from this and all I need is my mom. Edward has be an amazing support he's there when I need him. Not to mention he's given more financial support that I could have ever wanted but duty calls! He still has a life and work to get on with. He isn't always around when I just need to talk or something. Schooling is well, boring. I want to strangle my tutor but he does his best. Can't really ask for anything better than that.

"Penny for your thought." Jake comes up behind me and places his hands on my shoulders. I stiffen at his touch and then relax slightly.

"Just stuff." I mumble, placing another spoonful of cereal into my mouth. Jacob grabs a bowl of his own and pours some cereal.

"It was really nice of your dad to let me sleep over." Jacob grins and I hear the cockiness in his voice. I turn to him and narrow my eyes.

"Watch it you." I say pointing my finger in his direction. "Best behaviour, I had to beg Edward to let you stay over, you owe me." He chuckles a little and then comes over to me. Squatting down his face comes in line with by belly; he places his hands on my stomach sensitively and starts to speak.

"How are you this morning? I bet your hungry aren't you?" It was like he was in his own little world. It was almost as if I wasn't here and it was just him and the baby.

"You were really naughty last night, I can see why my boy I don't like liver either, I can see why you kicked up a fuss." He laughs patting my belly a little.

"You're such an ass." I mutter light heartedly and then laugh along with him until-

"Oh Jacob quick, put your hand here." I place his hand higher up on my belly and then press them down slightly.

"That will never get old." He smiles proudly as he feels the baby kick some more.

"Pretty cool eh?"

"Sure is, have you thought anymore about, you know, the name idea I gave you?"

"We are not calling him Jacob the second, he is not being called Jacob Jr."

"What about-"

"He is not being called Gerald either, where did that come from anyway?"

"I dunno I just like it." He says awkwardly as he stands. His hands were in his pockets and he was looking down at the floor. I sigh loudly.

"I was thinking Elijah Mason Black.." His head shot up, surprise in his eyes.

"I.. I like that, I like the bit where he has my last name." I just shrug and grin at him. All of a sudden his hands were on my face and his lips were on mine. Feeling the smile on his lips, I let mine smile as well.

"My dad is going to be so pleased." He murmured against my lips. I pull back still smiling.

"Go on you, get changed you have school." He rolls his eyes but follow his orders. He turns away and walks in the direction of the bathroom.

Once Jacob had gone I get myself ready and then text Carlisle. With nothing to do I sit on the Sofa and twiddle my thumbs. This is the worst part about Wednesdays. At least every other day of the week I have my tutor to bore me to death but I'm not alone. I have someone here to talk to. On Wednesdays, most Wednesdays I'm here by myself. Alone.

When a knock came from the door I practically sprinted to it, swinging it open I jump on Carlisle. He struggles at first but wraps his loving hands around me chuckling.

"Hey kiddo you ready?" He releases me and I rush behind him to Esme. She gives me a comfort hug and then leads me down the hall, leaving Carlisle to close the door and catch up. She holds my hand tightly and rambles on about all the stuff that she's seen for the baby. I just let her do it, smiling and nodding when appropriate. It's better than her telling me that I'm ruining my life.

Pulling me across the pavement Esme rushes me into the car. She's obviously more excited than me. The car journey was filled with chatter about the baby and what we were going to get. A conversation about getting decorations and paint for the babies room sprouted into a full on list of what the baby will need. In no time I couldn't even get a word in edge wise because Esme was getting herself all excited.

"Oh park here dear, I want to go into this shop first." Esme points to a parking lot across the street in which Carlisle pulls him. We leave him to pay as Esme rushes me across the road. I have to hobble quickly to match her pace.

"Esme slow down, We have all day." I pant as I pull my hand away from her grip. Slowly and painfully I put my hands on my back and mutter, gritting my teeth through the pain.

"Renesmee." Her voice was so soft, just like velvet that it made me stand straight which turned out to be a stupidly painful idea. I turn around and stare at her, unblinking. Unmoving.

"Mom?" I say questioning her like she wasn't even there.

"Oh Renesmee I'm so sorry baby." She rushes to me and all at once I'm engulfed in a tight hug. Well it would have been tight if my belly wasn't so big and round. It sort of restricted how close she could get to me. I hug her back tightly and hold her in place, afraid to let go. Afraid that this is just another one of my dreams out to fool me into thinking she still cared. My heart missed beats and the tears start to fall from my eyes.

"Please forgive me I've been a terrible mother." She pleads pulling away from me. She holds me at arm's length and see for the first time that there were tears in her eyes. Quickly she wipes them and then wipes the few tears that had escaped my own eyes. I look up at her and smile slightly.

"You don't know how much I've missed you mom. I need you with me. I can't think of anyone else who I would rather have helping me though this, please can you just be there for me the same way that Esme was for you?"

"Yes, yes of course." She says way too quickly. I watch as she nods her head quickly, it sort of made me feel sick. I smile at her eagerly.

"Then let's go shop for your grandson." I laugh excitedly. As I grab her hand something sharp pokes into my skin making me snap my hand back from hers. Suddenly I'm staring at the ring on her finger.

"Holy shit." I scream as I point at her finger. She joins in laughing.

"I'm engaged sweetie." She say's wiping the tears from her eyes.

"When, where? Oh God how did he do it?" clasp my hand over my mouth, waiting for her response.

"Two weeks ago. He did it in that little restaurant that he took me for our first date. The little Italian one do you remember? Oh Ness it was just perfect. I just wish that you would have been there sweetheart." She says taking both of my hands from my mouth and keeping them securely in hers.

"Me too." I say biting my lip to keep the happy tears away.

"Now come, I want to buy my grandson some overpriced stuff."

I hadn't noticed but Carlisle had joined us and was standing beside Esme with his hand on her shoulder. Mom hugged me and as I did I mouthed a silent but grateful thank you to them both. I know that without them she wouldn't be here right now and I wouldn't have my mom back on my side.

Mom had dragged me inside and Carlisle and Esme went of doing their own business, leaving us to have some alone time. She demanded that she was going to buy the baby's crib. She had decided that she wasn't going to have the fact that Edward was paying for everything and that he can stick all of his money up his Ass. I for one found it hilarious. We decided on a beautiful, simple baby blue crib. It had little shapes carved into it at both ends of it. As mom handed over her credit card I suddenly felt over whelmed, everything was falling into place everyone who should be in my life right now was. The only aspect of all of this that I feel utterly ashamed off is the fact that nether me or Jacob was paying or providing for our child. It should be us busting our asses all day and earning money to buy stuff for our kid. We shouldn't have to reply on our parents to support us and the life that we created. So many teenagers don't get what we've got and I know there's people who are talking. I know that they think we're lazy and ungrateful. Nothing makes me feel worse than people assuming that we can't take responsibility for our own actions.

"Have you thought about a name?" Mom asked casually as she wanders around with me in a sweet little baby shop. Esme and Carlisle were somewhere on the other side of the shop looking at wall decorations for the babies room.

"I really like Elijah." I see mom's nose scrunch up a little as she traces her hands over all of the sweet little blankets.

"It's better than Gerald." I mutter. Mom looks at me and keeps in her giggles.

"Tell me about it." I express every word and roll my eyes. Mom laughs even more and then settles for a sweet little patch work blanket. We meet back up with Carlisle and Esme and see that they had picked out a large selections of shapes and characters, decorations and toys to go on his walls and in his room. Carlisle was even dragging around a box which contained a white rocking chair.

"You're damn lucky I love you woman." He mutters, straining against the weight as he follows Esme to the checkout. Me and mom giggle as we follow.

Everything just seems so damn perfect right now.


	16. Chapter 16

**Read and Enjoy!**

**Thank you to my Beta for pointing out to me that in America you drive on the left side. (duh) In the UK we drive on the right side - oops! **

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I was almost nine months along and mom was taking me to her house for the first time since we had been 'reunited'. She said that she wanted to take me back to the house and show me all of the stuff that she had rearranged and all the decorating she had done. I couldn't care less what she had changed; it would just be nice to be home again.

"So Sam liked you?" She says trying to make sense of everything I was telling her. I was trying to bring her up to speed with everything that had happened but she was sort of getting confused.

"Yeah, but he had this freaky thing going on with Alice, Alice used Jake to get to Sam and in the meantime broke me and Jake up as well."

"Classy girl." She muttered and I nodded in agreement.

"So what happened with the drugs again?" She says squinting her eyes like she was trying to sort out all of the information I was telling her and found herself missing some.

"Long story short it was all because of Sam mom, but I haven't seen him in a while and I don't plan to so it's all good." Mom just rolled her eyes with disapproval but I ignored her, if I didn't listen to her when she was trying to tell me Jake was irresponsible then I wasn't going to listen to her now.

"Are you excited to go home? I can't wait for you to see what I've done to your room." I look at her and moan.

"Why? what the hell did you do to my room? It's messy for a reason mom, when it's messy I know where everything is because I know where I've put it! When you clean it up I never know where anything is! It's annoying." Mom just chuckles at me, clearly not understanding my struggle.

"No you'll like it, it's bigger."

"How the hell is it bigger?"

"I've given you my room so that a crib could fit in there."

"Mom you uh, you didn't have to honestly." I say a little surprised. She just smiled, not saying anything. This baby is never going to be deprived of new and exciting surroundings. It'll have a crib at moms, Carlisle and Esmes's and Edwards. She parked outside our house and I waited for her to open my door. Holding both of my hands mom hulled me into a standing position. My arms went straight to my back as I walk with my back arched and my belly sticking forward. I've about just had enough of the stretch marks, the swollen ankles and the sore back. The sooner my baby is out of me the better.

Mom opened the door for me and rushed into the front room leaving me to close the door behind me. What's the point in being pregnant if everyone isn't going to do everything for me . I follow her into the front room and stop.

"SURPRISE! ." They all scream and despite seeing them all standing there I still jump out of my skin. I look around at the faces. Mom, Jess, Esme and some of the girls that I had gotten close to at drama over the last few months. In all there were eight of us, a , small, cosy little party. A smile spread across my face and I find myself laughing.

"I thought my end of teenage years party was like my baby shower as well."

"Nah, there were boys there, this is girls only." Jess says. She grabs my hand and leads me to the arm chair that was in the corner. Looking up I see the balloons, streamers and banners that filled the room. Each were this gorgeous shade of baby blue.

"For our first game, I present the pin the baby on the nipple." Jess says proudly pointing to the far end of the room where there was an A4 piece of paper with a nipple on it. Some of the girls giggle but I just stare at it mortified.

"Are you kidding?" I ask shocked. Jess pulled me up and led me over to the poster. She blind folded me and then spun me slowly three times. As she did all of the girls proceeded to count down from three. Jess let go of me and I stumble slightly towards the wall, I feel for the poster and once I find it I just place the baby's crying face on what I thought was the nipple. Ripping my blindfold off I hear the laughing even before I get my sight back. Looking at it I see that I was way off and in fact I had placed it on top of the big round breast.

"So who's next?" I laughed as I handed the blind fold to someone else

"I really think that he's going to be born this week, I mean look at you; you're huge." One of the girls expressed as we moved to the kitchen to pick at the food, Eight in this kitchen was not a good idea.

"I'm finding it hard to take as a compliment." I say as I squint my eyes trying to look annoyed but my laughter betrays me.

"What if he's like nine pounds something, What if you have to have stitches? Oh god." Another girl says contributing to the conversation, shaking her hands in defeat and grimacing.

"Aren't you like worried about pooing when you're pushing?" Another asked, we all look at her but she didn't seem ashamed, she looked more curious than anything.

"I really hope that doesn't happen . In all honesty that won't be on my mind when I'm pushing another human being out of me." I say trying to steer the conversation in a different direction.

"Are you scared about it?"

"You're kidding right? I'm freaking terrified, sort of wish I could just be knocked out while I give birth and not feel anything."

"What about an epidural?" Jess asked piping up for the first time since we'd came into the kitchen.

"And potentially come out of the hospital with permanent back complications? No thanks. I'll stick with pain meds and air."

"What about the pain? I mean it seems a little silly to feel all of that pain when you don't have to."

"Well when you guys are all pregnant and you go through all of the nasty stuff pregnancy entitles I'll be able to sit an laugh and be like 'yeah I went through that now it's your turn.' Okay?" They all laugh a little. I take another sip of my lemonade and then feel dampness against my leggings. Oh god no please don't tell me that I've pissed myself. But then I feel a light pain low in my abdomen and I know instantly what it is.

"Ness what's wrong. Oh ness it's okay." Jess says trying to sympathise with me. I just shake my head; she didn't understand what was actually going on.

"Mom." I whisper the word, still in shock and then louder. "Mom." And then I start screaming "Mom."

She pushes her way through the circle of girls and looks me up and down. Instantly her face softens. Motioning for the girls to part she pulls up a chair and lets me sit down on it.

"Are you in any pain?" She asks as she comes down to my level. I just shake my head.

"Okay well I'm going to get you to the hospital. Will someone call Jacob please?" She was so calm as she helped me up.

"I'll call him." I could hear the panic in Jess's voice as she puts her phone to her ear. Mom helps me up and leads me to the front room to get my coat. Everyone seemed so frantic now, asking if I wanted a drink or if they could do anything. I just wish they would go away.

"Everyone I'd really like to thank you for coming and for all of the beautiful presents that I'm sure Renesmee will enjoy opening them all once she comes home. But I think it's time for everyone to leave, I don't think I have to explain why" Mom says as she evacuates everyone out apart from Esme. She came into the room and handed me a glass of water which I took.

"I'm not due for another two weeks." There was a shake in my voice.

"Forget that sweetheart this baby's coming now." She says softly, smiling at me. I manage a shaky smile and then place the water on the table.

"You ready? Your hospital bag is still in the trunk. " Mom says putting on her jacket. "Esme can you please call Edward he needs to know that Ness is going into labour?" Esme complied willingly and called Edward.

"Holy shit I'm going to have a baby." I say out loud. All of a sudden it felt so strange to hear my own voice, to realise that this was my reality. My life. Esme finished up on the phone and took my hand, leading me out into the hall way. Mom was holding the door open, letting me go first. As I get to the end of the path I feel that pain again, only this time its sharper, I bend forward a little.

"Another one?" Esme asks sensitively.

"It's not that painful." I murmur as I slide into the back of the car and practice how to breath, just like they'd showing me in those classes. Holy fucking shit. I'm going to have a baby.

Jake's pov

Biting my nails I continue to look at my phone. Why the hell hasn't she called yet? I mean I know she's at her baby shower and whatever but she could at least call. It makes me nervous when I haven't heard from her, especially when I haven't seen her all day. It puts me on edge. What if something important happens and I'm not there? For god's sake why won't she just text me or something?

"Hey you, instead of obsessing over that damn phone come and give me a hand." My dad's husky voice was blocked out from the car that he was working on. He was on his back and under the car.

Once I didn't reply he spoke again. "Jacob for God's sake put the phone down and come and help me." I could practically smell the irritation in his voice. I sigh, put the phone down and then crouch down next to him.

"What do you need?"

"Grab that screwdriver over there would you? The one with the red handle." He didn't point as I got back into a standing position. I grabbed the tool and then placed it in his now out stretched hand. I fumble from foot to foot, fidgeting agitatedly.

"Jacob just stand still, I can see your feet moving and it's very annoying!" I ignore him and let my worry take over me only stopping when he slides from under the car and sits up.

"Don't ignore me Jacob." He says sternly, getting to his feet and grabbing the bottle of water that was on the side. The garage was big but filthy. There was one car in here but many tools and tool boxed were spread over the place along with car parts. I look up at him.

"Don't give me that look dad, she's almost nine months pregnant! Something could have happened." I say picking up my phone once more.

"And panicking is going to make this so much better Jake, get a grip would you! This clingy nervous attachment thing you have going is getting a little tiring." I stare at him shocked. He sat down in the only chair available and once he looked up at my face he just shrugged.

"Are you not hearing me right now, she's about to drop dad and you're telling me not to worry, what is wrong with you?" I stare at him in disbelief and then everything clicks. Now I understand.

"You don't want me to tie myself down, you still want me to play the field right? Even though my girlfriend is about to have my baby." I feel the bile rise my throat and restrain myself from lunging for him.

"Just remember that you don't have to be tied down to her for the rest of your life Jake, you can have a kid and be a free man." He took another sip of his water. Those stupid calm eyes looking at me.

"What if I want to be with her?" I spit at him, feeling the heat rise to my face.

"Please you don't know what you want, you're just a kid." He chuckles as he gets to his feet again.

"What the hell is wrong with you." I bark at him feeling the veins in my neck flex. I realise that my fists were balled, but in my left fist my phone started to vibrate. I look at the caller and answer fuming.

"What?" I almost yell.

"Renesmee's has gone into labour- hospital, now Jacob." Jess says into the phone, there was a urgency in her voice. I hung up walk past my dad to my truck and get in.

"Where are you going?" He demands as he stalks over to my truck but it was too late. I had already put her into gear, and was releasing the clutch and adding the gas. I left him behind, silent rage consuming me.

How fucking dare he, how fucking dare he. He's talking about the mother of my child, the mother of his grandchild. Soon enough we will be family whether he likes it or not. Fuck him, he can't tell me what to do! I'm about to start a family with Renemsee. There's nothing he can do about that. I come to the main road and turn on the right blinker . Once I know it's okay to go I push the gas again,im in such a rush.

He has no fucking idea. All this time I thought he was on my side but really he was just softening me up to tell me that he didn't agree with my choice in women. He didn't like that I had who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Just because he fucked things up with mom, just because that went all down the shitter doesn't mean that I will do the same. I am not like him.

Even if the situation was different and I didn't love Ness I have my own fucking common sense, to know that I can leave if I wanted to and still be a great dad. I will always be there for renesmee and my child even if me and renesmee aren't together. But we are and always will be, because we're having a child together, a bond that's stronger than anything.

I take a sharp turn left and let the damn cars beep their horns. Anger seethed through me. Who the fuck does my dad think he is? I love her, she loves me and even if she didn't I will always-

Jacob speeds into a intersection , not looking or signalling. The truck comes from his left and hits his side of the car. His car flips over a few times with the sheer force of the impact. With all of the worry and anger Jacob had forgotten to put on his seatbelt and so on impact he was thrown about the car. His head smacked into the passenger window and then he tumbled in the car, with the cars movements. The car slowed to a stop on the roof, leaving it upside down. Jacob lay across the roof unconscious and dying.


	17. Chapter 17

**Thank you to my lovely Beta and of course all of you for reading! Enjoy!**

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Jake's pov

I could hear the shouts in the distance, I tried to open my eyes but I couldn't, they were just too heavy. I tried to move my legs but they wouldn't obey me ether, I couldn't move. Everything just felt so fucking numb. The voices, they weren't in the distance anymore. They were coming closer, closer.

"- Are you alright? Hello can you hear me?" The voice, he sounded calm, he didn't seem worried. That was good because I don't feel worried ether. Where am I again?

"Son can you open your eyes for me? Can you tell me your name?" I felt the gentle hand on my shoulder, the hand didn't shake me though. It didn't move me, how odd? What the hell is going on, why am I on my back?

"I need back up over here, He isn't trapped but there's a chance of spinal damage, the patient is still unresponsive but he's breathing." Who was he talking too? Patient? But I'm perfectly okay? I need to get to the hospital! Oh shit the hospital. Finally my eyes obeyed me and opened; at first I had no vision at all. Then my vision was blurry but I could make out the figures that were somewhat far away, I saw the equipment that they were setting up and the many people that stood behind observing. What is going on? Slowly my sight comes back all together.

"Renesmee." I scream once I saw the ambulance.

Nessie's pov

"It's okay sweetie, breath! That's right in and out." My mom coxed me, trying to calm me down as the Nurse came around with a wheelchair. I sit in it gratefully and mom takes my hand as I'm wheeled to the appropriate ward. A crash of doors came from behind me and I jump, turning my head slightly.

"I'm here, it's okay I'm here." Edward's shaky voice comes from behind. I see him walk up towards me, breathing hard .

"So good of you to show up," I mutter, but smile.

"Wouldn't miss it Ness." He says, patting my shoulder a little. The nurse carried on her journey, while mom, Esme and Edward follow behind.

"Have any of you seen Jacob?" I ask nervously. I swear to god if he misses this I'm going to kill him.

"Sorry sweetheart, we haven't heard from him, but I'm sure he's on his way!" Mom says reassuringly. Esme falls behind, to call Carlisle no doubt. Nervously I roll my shoulders back and close my eyes, trying to stay calm. Through it all though, I'm freaking out. I don't think I'm ready. I don't think I'll ever be fucking ready.

"Ah." I say startled as another pain comes from low in my crotch. Oh fuck.

"You're okay! As soon as they've got you comfortable you'll be able to get that pain killers and air." Edward says, he was strolling casually with his hands in his pockets, like the birth of his grandchild wasn't such scary business as everyone is making it out to be. He doesn't get it, he never will! He'll never have to give birth.

"Just stop doing that." I say irritated, pointing in his direction. Edward slows his walk and frowns at me.

"Stop acting so calm, it's pissing me off." I say answering him like he'd asked me what was wrong. He just smirked as he walked by me. I roll my eyes and concentrate on not throwing up. All this worrying is making me feel sick, and where the hell is Jacob?

"Here you go sweetie." The nurse wheels me into a white sparkling clean room. I smile and practically smell the cleanness of it as I'm helped onto the bed by the nurse and Edward. Once I was comfortable I turn to the nurse and smile sweetly.

"Now about the pain killers and air…"

Jake's pov

"Teenage male, sixteen maybe seventeen years old. He was in a car crash in which he pulled into the interstate and a truck hit him. His car was totalled. possible back injuries and internal bleeding. Some broken ribs. He passed out once we got him out and onto the stretcher." That voice again, for God's sake wont it just shut up. He sounded worried though, urgent even. That's never good. I felt myself moving. I think. There were voices everywhere and I could only pick out a few words at a time. It felt weird, like I was ease dropping on a conversation, but it was going on all around me.

"- Back injuries are serious, get him to thearter now." But I don't want to go and see a play? I have to get to the hospital so that I can see my son be born . Who do these people think they are? Trying to control me. I try to move my legs, but nothing happens. I feel my hand lift off the bed. Obviously so do they.

" Can you hear me?" I nod slightly.

"Renesmme, baby." I manage, something was removed from my mouth, was I wearing a mask?

"Can you tell me your name?"

"J-Jacob Black." I mutter weakly, and then;

"Baby, Renesmee Swan." I say a little louder before the blackness hits me.

Nessie's pov

The pain that is coming to me is quicker and quicker now and was white hot agony. The pain killers and air was doing absolutely nothing at all. I should have opted for the drugs. I was four center meters dilated but they said that it was going fast as I'd only been in labour for around three hours. They said that its unusual for labour to go this fast for someone who's having their first baby. I wish it would go faster. I wish Jacob was here. Both Esme and Edward had stepped outside to call him but he still wasn't picking up. Carlisle had turned up around an hour after we did. He took comfort in telling me the horror story of Esme's pregnancy and labour. It made me feel sick inside. I looked at him unimpressed, he just laughed. He came over and kissed my forehead before sitting down with Esme. They comforted themselves with idle chatter. Jacobs dad, billy had turned up half an hour ago expecting Jake to be here, ready to apologise for whatever argument they had gotten into. He was instantly worried when he saw that he hadn't turned up. This didn't help my nervous, not only did I have to worry about giving birth to my child, I had to worry about where ever the hell Jacob was.

"Ahh." I cry out weakly as I close my eyes and grit through the next contraction. They were around five minutes apart but the more and more I get the longer they last and the more painful they are. Tears spring to my eyes.

"I want Jacob." I whimper. Mom came over and held my hand. She smoothed back the hairs that had strayed from my head to my face. She wipes of the sweat that had formed on my face and then the escaped tears.

"I know sweetheart, we're trying to get hold of him, we really are! You just concentrate on you okay!" Her calming voice made my tense body relax a little, I breath in a small breath as the pain starts to ease. A doctor calmly slides into the room, closing the door behind him. I frown, he wasn't my doctor?

"Mr black?" We all look at Billy. Billy looks at him and frowns just like the rest of us. Obvious confusion spreads all over his wrinkle marked face. He raises his hand a little but doesn't speak.

"Are you Jacob Black's father?" Billy nods his head as the confusion on his face deepens. Then all at once fear crawls into his eyes. I've never seen billy go so white and pale. I never thought I would ever see that man look so scared.

"What about him, is he okay?" I manage to say, bringing moisture to my mouth so that I could speak. I realise I was shaking a little, my breathing had increased. Everyone in the room was looking at the doctor, waiting for him to reply. Panic spreads over me and frightened tears spill out of my eyes.

"What's happened to him?" I scream at the doctor, he jumps and his eyes widen. His shock registers over his face and lines form on his young forehead. He rubs the back of his head, pushing his lips into a hard line.

"Mr Black would you please follow me." The young doctor leads the way out of the room, Billy follows him. I want to scream at him, I want to get out of bed and demand that he tell me what was going on. Instead I sit there in shock, staring at the door that they just walked out of.

"Renesmee, it's going to be okay." Edward places his hand on my shoulder and sits on me bed. He blocks my view of the door, forcing me to look at his face. I try to shrug him off but it doesn't work.

"You find out for me, you find out that everything's okay and I'll believe you." Anger was rising in me, this isn't right. I should know what's going on, he's my boyfriend. I'm having his freaking baby. Horrible things start to creep into my mind, vicious thought that want to steal my Jacob away from me.

"Oh god, What if he's dead. Find out please just find out." I say taking Edwards other hand in both of mine. Begging, pleading with him. "Please dad, I need to know." I feel the hot tears running down my cheeks.

"Renesmee that's not how it works, I'm sorry. You need to stay relaxed, this isn't good for you or the baby." I look at him and drop his hand. Is he fucking kidding me?

"I'm not one of your fucking patience, I'm your daughter." I bark at him. I feel stiff, realising that I was tensing with all the anger coursing through my body. I grit my teeth to keep in the rage. Edward rubs his hands over his face, sighing heavily. He looks at me with patient eyes. I see the regret in them and the gentleness that spreads from his eyes to his face.

"I can't and you know I can't Ness, I don't even work in this hospital."

"Fine." I mutter. Placing my own head in my hands and crying, agony sweeping through my body. I can't have a baby without him, I just can't. He's half of this child and if something awful has happened and he doesn't come back to me I'll never be able to look at our baby and be completely happy. He needs to be here, he needs to see and be with his child. I stay like this for what seems like forever until a familiar pain evolves. Another shooting pain spreads through my body and I cry out. I feel the heat rise to my face as the pain continues to evolve. "Make it stop." I cry out, keeping my hands over my face and crying into them.

"Do you want the nurse?" Mom asks soothingly, she was brushing the hair from my head again. The pain subsided and I managed to take a fearful breath and bring my hands away from my face. I could feel the wetness on them. Both from the tears and the sweat.

"I need an epidural mom, I need drugs! Pain killers and air just isn't cutting it." Mom leaves the room and moments later she comes back with the nurse.

"Everything okay, do you need anything?" The nurse says, looking down at my charts.

"I need an epidural, please." I almost whimper, remembering the pain. I couldn't stop myself from replaying the pain over and over again in my head.

"I just need to check how many centimetres dilated you are, as well as talk you through the risks and the procedures. Then we can proceed."

"I know all of that, I know the risks. It's something that I talked about at my prenatal classes Just take away the pain." The nurse nods and then checks how much I was dilated.

"You're four centimetres dilated, we can do the epidural now if you want to, but I have to warn you that once you do, you won't be able to feel the bottom half of your body. You'll be stuck like that for quite a while sweetie."

"If it takes away the pain I don't care, just do it." I say sitting up, wiping away the rest of the tears and sweat.

It had been another four hours into labour and stage one of it was almost up. After the epidural the pain went away but then I had more time to think about what was going on with Jacob. Billy hadn't returned which made me even more anxious, even more on edge. Edward tried to be a comfort, they all did but I couldn't stand them being here if they weren't going to do anything. If they weren't going to help me find out what had happened to Jacob. Obviously they just don't understand.

As I eat on the ice that mom had brought me I feel the tightness again. Down by my crotch, it was just this tense feeling and then it was gone. No pain. The nurse came in and examined how my dilation was going and then smiled.

"You're ten center meters dilated hun! Let's have a baby." She was getting her gloves on and was instructing mom and Esme on how to hold my legs and stuff since they had volunteered to help. IF there was any time to give up my dignity, it would be right now.

The door opened and billy came in, rubbing his eyes. They were all bloodshot and his eyes were puffy, just like the rest of his face. He'd obviously been crying.

"What's wrong?" I choke, the horrible things coming back into my mind again. Every single one of them flooding my mind and overwhelming my emotions.

"Nothing he's fine, I swear no need to worry Ness. He just had an accident, nothing serious! Some idiot drove into the back at his truck at a ridiculous speed. Jake wasn't wearing a seat belt and so he was sent forward and hit his head on the front window. He blacked out, but he's fine now. Just pissed about his truck." Billy gave a reassuring nod, I took the bait because it made me feel better. He was okay. He was fine and soon enough he would be able to see his baby.

"Ready to meet your baby boy?" The nurse smiled eagerly. I drag my eyes away from Billy and smile.

"As ready as I'll ever be"

I hold my baby boy in my arms and watch him as he sleeps. He's so perfect . So utterly perfect. I touch his beautiful skin, the same shade as Jacobs. I replay the moment when I saw his beautiful brown eyes, I remember the moment when I just burst into tears over how much he looked like Jacob. He has a full head of beautiful jet black hair. I really can't see any of me in him, but that's okay. As long as he has Jacob in him, he'll always be wonderful. As I cradle my little Elijah I look over at Billy. He was stood in the corner, tears in his eyes. Everyone had held him, they had all had their turn observing and cooing over Elijah. They were all looking at him over my shoulder admiringly. All except Billy who had made no attempt at holding him, or even looking at him really.

"Do you want to hold him?" I ask nervously, looking over at him. He nods silently. Walking forward, he leans over and took him from my arms. Slowly he cradles him back and forth in his arms. A small whimper comes from his mouth and then he erupts into sobs. Elijah wakes up and starts screaming in which Edward was taking him out of Billys arms and rocking him until he was calm and no longer crying. Billy however continued to cry, but now it was howling. Painful howling.

"Billy what's the matter?" Mom says coming forward and rubbing his shoulder sweetly but her eyes were wondering over to all of us, begging us for help as she tried desperately to comfort him.

"Jacob." He said through all of the sobbing and wailing.

"What about Jacob?" I asked tensing up all over again, he said he was fine. He even assured me that nothing serious was wrong. Suddenly I start to panic. Look at him you stupid girl, he lied to you.

"Billy." I say in a moment of rage. I was restricted from moving out of the bed, but I could still use my hands to throw up in the air and show how agitated and frustrated I was. So that's what I did.

"What the hell is going on." I say angrily. Balling my fists up to keep myself calm I then run my hands through my hair, pulling at it slightly. Why the hell isn't he telling me what's going on?

"For god sakes just tell me." I shout as the silence became too much for me to bare. He hadn't answered, he just stands there looking all pathetic and broken.

"He was in a car crash when he was driving to the hospital. We'd had an argument; I'd told him that he doesn't have to tie himself down to you and that there were plenty of other girls out there. He was so angry at me that he left in a rage. This is all my fault."

"Is he here? Is he alright." I say through clenched teeth. I could feel myself shaking. He says all of this stuff knowing that I was pregnant, knowing that it would send Jake over the edge. I have to practically restrain myself from lunging at him. No matter the pain, no matter the discomfort or numbness, this man deserves to be throttled.

"He had to have surgery. He had broken bones and internal bleeding but the main thing was that there was damage to his back. His spine broke in a really bad way. They've told me that Jacob may have to learn how to walk all over again, or worse he may not be able to walk again, ever." I look at him, hot angry tears prick my eyes, my heart was lurching out of my chest. He may never walk again. Jacob will crash and burn. He'll be ripped apart. No longer will he be able to work on cars or play football. His whole world will be crashing down and worst of all he'll have to worry about looking after a kid. Jacob won't be able to come back from this.


	18. Chapter 18

**So I sort of cried when writing this...**

**anyway enjoy!**

* * *

"Get me a wheelchair, give me my baby. And you, take me to see Jake now." I say pointing at billy as I try to move out of bed. The anaesthetic is still wearing off, so I struggled to move my legs. I try in desperation to move myself into the position where I was sitting on the end of the bed, but my legs they just won't obey me. For the love of God.

"Help me, someone help me." I cry out in frustration. Mom jumps forward and helps me to get my legs over the side of the bed. I point to the wheelchair in the corner of the room over by other hospital equipment. Esme brings it over and sets it up. I look up at Carlisle, tears in my eyes. He sighs slightly and then with a gentle smile on his face, he helps me into the chair. He grabs me under my arms and then gently lowers me into the wheelchair. I get comfy and then hold my hands out to Edward. Silently he gives me Elijah and I set him comfortably in my arms, cradling him as he slept. Everyone stood back and looked at Billy.

"I don't know if this is a good idea Ness. He's in pretty bad shape and I don't think they'll accept any visitor. I mean I think they're only allowing family in and…." He trails of. His eyes wide and tears were streaming out of them. I fight the urge to scream and yell at him. I fight the anger right down to the pits of my stomach and speak through gritted teeth.

"Are you finished making excuse?" I say seething anger. He nods his head a little. "Good then take me to see Jacob. I think he Elijah at least deserves to see him." I whisper, everything inside me was cold with anger. Him out of everyone on this whole damn fucking planet, will not be the one to stop me from seeing my Jacob. Billy comes over and takes hold of the handle bars, while Carlisle opens the door. He starts to push me out of the room, leaving everyone else silently watching. We didn't get very far down the hallway before we're stopped. It was the young doctor.

"Sorry where are you going?" He asked confused. Those wrinkles were back on his head. Billy doesn't say anything. I look up and see his mouth open and close like a fish. His face goes red and his eyes start budging.

"We're going to See Jacob black." I say looking back down at Elijah. His eyes were open now and he was staying comfortably quiet as I rocked him side to side.

"I'm sorry, he's in a critical condition right now. As well as this we're only allowing family to see him." The doctor was looking down at me all understanding and considerate. I just sigh. If I had a free hand I would have rubbed my head. I would have willed the headache coming on to go away.

"This baby here is his son. That means he's family. Right? That would make him family. So I'm going to take his son to him since he can't come to us right now." I say smiling at him. The young doctor rubs his face with both of his hands. He looks tired. He was probably frustrated too but In all honesty I couldn't give a shit about how he was feeling.

"Right, fine. Follow me." He says a little stiffly as he turns around and starts to walk the way he had come from. Billy starts to push me and we follow him through the hospital, I keep my sights on Elijah and try to stop my hands from shaking. I've never seen Jake hurt or damaged. He's always been so strong and is almost always in control. He's never the broken one, he's always the person that gives other people hope, the one who other people can hang onto. We reach an elevator that takes us up. Each moment that we get closer to him, the more panic starts to set in. What if he doesn't look like Jacob? What if he doesn't make it through the night?

"He's just in here. I have to warn you this is going to be a shock, are you sure that you want to see him right now?" The young doctor's hand was on the door, ready to push it open. I nod my head quickly. Billy wheels me in as the doctor holds open the door. There he was. Wires, tubes and monitors all around him, going in and coming out of his body. He had on what I could only assume was a brace. There were tubes in his mouth that were feeding him air.

"Why can't he breathe on his own?" I ask holding back a whimper. Billy parks me next to him.

"He was heavily sedated so that the doctors could operate on him. He had internal bleeding that that had to be fixed quickly. Jacob injured the very bottom of his spine, also known as the Sacral Nerves S1 – S5." I place Elijah next to Jacob on the bed and watch his little eyes wonder around the room.

"What does that mean?" I say sniffing and looking up at the doctor.

"It means that Jacob will probably lose some, probably very little but some function in his hips and legs. He also will have little control over his bladder and bowls but we have specialist equipment that can help with that. Jacob should be able to drive as long as he's driving a modified and specialist car. Over everything else though, with therapy Jacob should be able to walk again."

"What a mess." I whisper, letting the tears flow freely. This was never supposed to happen. Jacob doesn't deserve this. We were supposed to leave this hospital with our son and be one big happy family. What a stupid expectation. I look back over at Elijah. His little eyelids closing ever so slowly.

"This person right here is your dad." I wipe my nose and run my index finger over Elijah's cheek softly. "He's going to be okay, he's going to fight because he's so excited to meet you. You look so much like him sweetie, and as long as you're brave, I'll be brave too." I bite my trembling lip until I taste blood. Breathing in a painful breath I turn once again to the doctor.

"How long until he'll be awake?" I ask.

"Within the next day or so. He's going to be in a lot of pain but when he is awake it means that we'll be able to start bringing him back to good health. He's young and strong. He has a very good chance of coming out of this and getting better to the best of his ability." I nod at the doctor and finally set my eyes on Jake. Apart from all the tubes he looks relatively peaceful. Just sleeping.

"Billy can you take Elijah please." Billy follows my command and scopes Elijah up in his arms. I place my hands on the bed where Elijah just was and then lift myself up. With Shaky hands I lean over to Jacob and kiss his cheek lightly. "I love you." I whisper into his ear and then my hands give way and I fall onto the bed, Just missing Jacobs chest. I felt hands on me , they were strong and reassuring. I was shifted back into the chair by the young doctor.

"Thanks." I say rubbing my eyes. Billy places Elijah back in my arms.

"We'll be back tomorrow." I whisper as Billy takes the handle bars once again and pushes me back out of the room. As he pushes me back down the hall I break down. Sobbing and crying as the pain became too much. I hear the first little cries come out of Elijah's mouth as he too starts to cry. I hold him close to my chest and we cry together as we're pushed through the hospital, back towards our room.

I was discharged yesterday and got to take Elijah home. When I say home I mean at moms house. He got to sleep in his own little cot, he's just the most peaceful human being when he sleeps. I didn't sleep. I couldn't bare it. I would never forgive myself if I slept and something happened to Jacob during the night. I needed to be awake for him if something did go wrong. Plus when Elijah wasn't asleep he was either crying or eating.

Breastfeeding was painful. The sheer pain of it made me want to cry. I quickly switched to a breast pump as soon as I got home. It doesn't hurt, well as long as it's attached properly it doesn't. Feeding Elijah during the night took my mind of everything, he's just so beautiful that I couldn't concentrate on anything apart from him. In all honesty I'm pretty convinced that he's the only thing keeping me sane.

Jess and Mike had been waiting for us when we got home. I guess mom or someone had told them about Jacob because the whole atmosphere was awkward. I can understand why, like what do they say to me? Congratulations on giving birth, really sorry about Jake though! This whole thing was supposed to be about Elijah but it's all just so fucking messed up. They both held and cooed over Elijah so much so that everything almost seemed normal, Jess even filled me in on drama.

"You're still going to do it right? I mean you know the lines, you know the songs! You're still going to be the perfect Sandy." She had said beaming as she rocked side to side with Elijah in her arms.

"Drama's the last thing on my mind Jess. I don't think I'll be doing it. I was an idiot to think that I could do it all, with Elijah and now Jacob I have more important things to think about." I'd replied.

"Renesmee you need this for yourself. This is your thing, your get away." Elijah had started crying so I leaned into his baby bag and took out a bottle of breast milk. I gave it to her and she eased it into his mouth.

"I'm a mom now Jess, my get away is when he's sleeping." I joked a little light heartedly.

"Just think about it okay. Jacob will want you to do it! He loves hearing you sing."

I shut the memories off, to painful and concentrate on Elijah who was sat in his car seat. I was in the back of the car feeding him from a bottle. Edward was driving us to the hospital.

"I thought you had work today?" I say breaking the light silence.

"I took the day off, figured you could use the company since your mom was in work." He says as he takes the next left. I smile to myself. "plus I want to spend some time with my grandson."

"He's a pretty good sleeper all things considered." I say yawning. I put my hand over my mouth and then shake my head slightly.

"Then why are you so tired?" Edward looks at me from the rear view mirror, eyebrows raised.

"I'm a mom now, mom's are always tired." I say smiling down at Elijah.

"Nothing to do with Jacob then?"

"Oh no, this has everything to do with Jake." I take the bottle out of Elijah's mouth slowly as he drifts of to sleep. We sit in silence once more as Edward drives us to the hospital. Excitement blossoms inside me as I realise that I get to see him again. Pain and fright forms inside me when I'm not with Jacob. I just feel like all of the good and bad things will happen when I'm not there. When I'm not there to be there for him. Edward parks in a space and gets out. I unbuckle myself and Elijah. Slowly I take him out of his seat and hold him close. He sleeps peacefully in my arms and so I shuffle to the other end legsof the back seats and open the side door. Just as I get out Edward comes rushing over and helps me with the bags.

"Thanks." I say smiling. He closes the door and locks the car. I walk into the hospital, letting Edward fall behind and go to the desk.

"I'm here to See Jacob Black." I say to the old lady at the desk, Edward joins me carrying the blue baby bag over his shoulder. I laugh a little.

"That's a good look for you." I say laughing lightly.

"At least it's blue." He chuckles a little, I smirk at him as the old lady at the desk motions for us to follow her. She leads the way although I already know where to go. We follow in silence to the elevator and once were inside it I watch her as she presses the button to Jacobs floor. She looks uneasy.

"everything okay?" I ask

"Of course, how old is he?" She asks looking over at Elijah.

"Three days old." I say smiling, beaming with pride.

"And how old are you dear?" I frown a little, not understanding.

"Uh 16…." Oh and now it's clear. 16 and pregnant. Too young to look after a baby. She shakes her head slightly. Thinking that I wouldn't see. Edward places his hand on my shoulder and I resist the urge to cuss her out. Arrogant old bag. The doors ping open and I barge past her, leading the way now.

"How rude." I hear her mutter. I swing around and stare at her. Her eyes bulge slightly and the little colour on her saggy skin evaporates.

"I'm rude? You were the one judging me. Shaking you're head like I need your pity. Like I've done everything wrong. You don' t know me lady, so don't think you have the right to assume that I'm just another fuck up." My pulse was sky high and I could feel the anger and heat rising to my face. I keep my temper at bay and take a long breath in before turning back around. I cradle Elijah in my hands and walk up to Jacobs room. I use my shoulder to open the door and creep in silently. The first thing I notice were his eyes . They were open and looking around the room.

"Who's that?" He chokes. He couldn't sit up obviously and was stuck staring at the ceiling. I look over at billy who was smiling. He looked relieved and the most stress free I'd seen him be in the last three days.

"Dad who is it?"

"Jacob." I say out loud, breathing heavy. I go over to him and his eyes dart to my direction. He smiles and I almost laugh despite myself. I felt the tears spike my eyes, but it was okay because they were happy tears, not sad ones. I lean down and kiss his cheek. He catches my face with his hand as I start to straighten up and brings it down to his. He kisses me tenderly.

"Don't cry." He whispers and just as he does Elijah starts to cry. I straighten back up and rock him slightly. Jacob just continues to smile.

"Well come on then, let me see him." He beams. Jacob places his arm on the bed next to him in a hook shape. I place Elijah in the hook shape of his arm and Jacob turns his head so he can see him.

"Wow, geez it's like a little copy of me." He laughs. Jacob brings his other hand over and brushes some hair out of Elijah's face.

"So much hair." He says. I laugh, relieved and wipe the tears away. Edward had gone over to Billy and they were sat talking about whatever. I pull up the chair next to me and sit in awe as Jacob looks at his son. I place my arms on the bed and then rest my chin on them.

"How do you feel?" I ask keenly. Jacob turns his head looking at me. He takes his hand away from Elijah and places it on my cheek. His thumb rubbing my cheek slightly.

"Ah nothing I can't handle. They've given me pain killers and stuff so I'm not in a lot of pain. I just want to get out of this freaking bed. There's only so much white boring ceiling I can take." I role my eyes at him but smile.

"I swear to God, you ever do this again and I might have to kill you myself." I lean in and kiss him. Elijah starts to scream again and the kiss is broken as we both turn to look at him. I go over to Edward and take a bottle out of the bag. Shaking it I take it back over to Jacob and hand it to him. He takes it and I pull of the lid before he turns to Elijah. He eases the nib of the bottle into his mouth and Elijah starts sucking on it greedily.

"He really is amazing." He breathes.

"Sure, you'll be saying that when you're up feeding him at two in the morning." I yawn. Jacob laughs but doesn't look over at me.

"You know, when you're older I can teach you how to play the game my boy. I can teach you all of my tricks. The girls will be falling at your feet." He gushed. I smile and bite my lip hopelessly happy.

"And then obviously I'll teach you how to play football, you'll be the best god damn player anyone has ever seen. You'll be the envy of all of those boys. Of course then you'll have the trouble of keeping all the boys away from you're younger sister. Don't worry I'll help you with that one. You always have to remember though. It's girls against boys so whatever I say goes. Okay?" Elijah's eyes were focused souly on Jacob. "Oh God you're just too cute. Well I'm glad we understand each other."

"Uh excuse me, little sister?"

"Ah how hard can it be?" He muses. I stand there shocked, my arms folded over my chest.

"You really have no idea." I laugh. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't turn our three day old son against me." Elijah finishes the bottle and I pick him up and start to burp him.

"We're going to be okay Ness." Jacob says sighing.

"I know."

"Jess was talking about drama yesterday." I say lightly as I sit back down in the chair next to Jacob's bed. I continue to rub Elijah's back. Jacob looks at me, eyebrows raised.

"Yeah so?" He says, confusion tinting his voice.

"She thinks it would be a good idea for me to go ahead and do the performance, I mean I don't have time. Not anymore anyway. Not with this little guy and certainly not with you." Jacobs hand falls from the bed and lands on my leg. He gives it a little squeeze.

"Baby no. I'm not going to let you not do this. You've spent too much time learning the lines and singing those songs to give it up now. After all of this, nothing would make me happier than to see you do something you love. Give him something to watch when he's older. Something to boast about to his friends. Do this for yourself Nessie. Please." Tears trickle down my cheeks. I puff them out and then look up at the ceiling. Thinking that it would stop the tears from running.

"You're too important to be chosen over a silly play, I-"

"I remember on the weekends, when we would go through the script for hours. When you would feel so openly comfortable to sing the songs to me. I remember how I would beam with pride when you would sing Ness. You might be prepared to take that away from yourself, but I'm not. Don't take it away from me or from him." His eyes were pleading with me, I sigh and then bite the insides of my cheek.

"Fine, anything happens to you though I'm dropping everything. Even if I'm in the middle of the play, on open night." Jacob chuckles and gives my leg another squeeze before retreating it back to the bed.

"Do you want to hold him, I'm pretty sure he's asleep again." Jacob nods his head eagerly. I place down in his arm, which once again had formed a protective hook shape.

"I can't believe we made something so incredible." Jacob places a gentle kiss on Elijah's cheek. I go over to Elijah's bag and ruffle through it for the blanket that I had packed. Once I found it I stood up and turned towards Jacob. His eyes were closed the same as Elijah's. They were both sleeping. Smiling to myself I place the blanket over Eli and then step black. I slip my phone out of my pocket and take a snap shot.

"We should probably get going." Edward says behind me, he takes hold of my shoulders gently.

"Please just half an hour more." I whisper. I can't bear to take them away from each other right now.

"Twenty minutes and we have to go, okay."

"Thanks dad." I say, kissing him on the cheek. I go back to my seat and place my arms on the bed once more. I rest my chin on my arms and softly rub Elijah's cheek with my index finger. I stay like this, thanking anything and everything for the moments that we get together.

"Ness, come on sweetie, we've got to get going." Edward says from the other side of the room, he had the bag slung over his shoulder, ready to go. I look over at Jacob and kiss him lips. His eyes flutter open and he smiles.

"We've got to get going." I choke. I sniff back the emotions as I scoop up a sleeping Elijah.

"See you soon buddy." Jacob says. I lean down so that Jake could see him. He gives Eli a tender kiss on the cheek and I see the tears in his eyes. I turn and give Elijah to Edward. Leaning over the bed I put my head in the crook of Jakes head. He hugs what he can of my back and I feel the tears start up once more in my eyes.

"We'll be back tomorrow." My trembling voice betrays me.

"I know. Love you always Ness." I bring my head up and kiss his lips.

"Love you too." I manage as I rub the wetness from my face. I take Elijah back and wave at Jacob as we leave the room.

"You okay?" Edward says as he puts his arm around my shoulders and brings me in closed to him. I sniff and blink back the stray tears.

"I'll be fine." I say breathing out heavily and making my cheeks puff out. We get to the elevator and step inside.

"Why do we need to go so early. It's only three?" I sigh frustrated slightly.

"Got a text from Charlie, he said that Drama rehearsals are at three thirty today." I look at him, slightly shocked. I feel everything inside of me go cold.

"Are you kidding me? You cut our time short because of this stupid play. No, we're going straight back up so that Jake can spend some more time with Elijah. Didn't you see how sad he was? how could you do that? What is wrong with you for god's sake?" I press the button for Jacobs floor and stand there fuming. I hear him sigh behind me.

"I only rushed you two because I heard what was said, Ness do this for him if you're not going to do it for yourself." I pause from my anger and then sigh myself. Knowing that he was right. The door pings open to the main floor and we step out. We both head towards the main doors.

Edward unlocks the car and opens the back door for me. I shuffle in carefully and then place Eli in his seat. I buckle him up quietly and then put my own seatbelt on. Edward gets into the front and starts the engine.

"Have fun kid." Edward says as he pulls up next to the town hall. I nod my head and get out of the car. I don't look at Eli because I knew if I did I wouldn't leave. I wave at them as Edward pulls away, in the direction of his apartment. I breathe in a nervous breath of air and then walk up the steps and into the hall. As I enter the hall the massive circle of people turns to look at me. I set my eyes on Charlie. His smile broadens as he motions me over.

"There our Sandy." He laughs enthusiastically as he pats the chair next to him. I go and sit next to him, pulling on my sleeves. He hands the script and I take it thankfully. Charlie gets everyone on stage. I hang back a little and observe what was going on. Jess was playing Sandy for the time being. She looked so perfect up there. She really looked the part, so when Charlie called for a break I went over to talk to him in private.

"Charlie can I talk to you for a second." Charlie smiles and then walks with me to a quite area of the hall.

"What's up?" He says smiling, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I don't think I can play Sandy. Not just because of Jake and Elijah, but I see the way Jess loves the part. I can't take that ways from her, no matter how much she may want me to. I know she wants the part more and really I'm totally cool with that. I do however want to put something forward to you. Jacob wants me to be in the play and while I want to, I have so much more to be concerned about. But I do want to sing. So do you think, maybe after each performance, I could perhaps perform one of the songs, as Sandy of course." I bite my lips a little as his face is completely un-readable.

"If that's really what you want Ness, then I will sort it out! Where is the little guy anyway? And how is Jacob?"

"He's with my dad at the moment and Jacob, well he's putting up a brave face, obviously. I think he's more bored than anything." Charlie nods and chuckles a little.

"Well feel free to bring Elijah along when you want to okay, I'm sure there's more than enough girls that will sit and coo over him. Free day care." I laugh lightly and then watch as Charlie calls the group back together. I sit for the rest of the session and watch the people of the group bring grease to life. All of their hard work looked amazing. At the end of the session I was on my feet and clapping them. They all took a bow and came off panting and wiping the sweat from their faces. They really were putting in their all.

"It looks amazing." I say as I hug Jess. She hugs me back and laughs in exhaustion.

"You're going to make an amazing Sandy." I say as I pull back but keep hold of her shoulders. She looks at me confused.

"You'd make a better Sandy than me anyway." I say shrugging.

"Ness no, come on! You deserve this more than anyone."

"I'll get my time. Besides, look at all the work you've put into this while I've been away having a baby." She laughs slightly but smiles at me proudly. She brings me into another hug.

"You're the best, you know that right?" She whispers into my ear.

"Oh I know."

I was really happy for the first time in awhile, I had my baby boy and everyone was happy for me. Jake was going to get better and hopefully come home soon. Little did I know that everything was going to turn to shit, again.


	19. Chapter 19

Okay, so I wrote this chapter on my kindle as my laptop is broken...

Believe me it was a struggle, but the story must go on! So I'd like to apologise for any punctuation or grammar mistakes now! I have checked through it loads, but knowing my luck there's still some in there!

Read and enjoy:)

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I walked home, it was cold and foggy but I didn't mind. I guess we do deserve a happy ending. A warm glowing feeling formed in my belly and I held onto it with all the strength inside of me. Walking to dad's wasn't that bad and it sort of made me giggle to myself. Taking away the fact that I've had a baby, I actually feel like a normal teenager. I finally had two parents that were getting along for my sake. They were sharing me during the week and I finally get to see them both. They're even able to have a laugh with each other. Most of the time anyway.

Cutting through the park near dad's I practically run to the apartment complex . The cold was starting to bite at my hands, making It hurt whenever I moved my fingers. Ignoring the cold I whip out my key card and swipe it. The doors make a sound of approval and then the doors open. Pushing the doors open I greedily embrace the warm. Hugging myself I go over to the elevators and press the up button. I swift eagerly until the doors ping open and then I jump in. Pressing the button to my floor, from standing there I realise my need to go to the bathroom was great. As the doors ping open I rush down the hall to dad's appartment. Banging on the door, I pray that my bladder holds. A small cry starts up as the door is opened. I step in and see that Sue is holding Elijah, soothing him as he cried. Rushing to the bathroom I finally relieve myself.

After washing my hands I return to the living room I hold out my hands for a wide eyed Elijah. Sue gives him up willingly. I take him and then sit next to her on the couch.

"You're pretty good at this you know." She says as she moves herself slightly so she was facing me. I look at her and smile slightly. Sue hadn't really been around a lot. That might have been because for the last three months I've been pretty oblivious to my surroundings but I'm pretty sure it's more because of dad. He's had so much to deal with, that he hasn't really put a lot of effort into their relationship. She understand though. Thank God she understands, because he needs a good influence in his life.

"What do you mean?"

"All of this, motherhood! You're a natural Ness, and to think you were terrified." She muses, gesturing towards Elijah who was now asleep.

"I guess, it's not without the negatives though. I mean I don't have Jacob here to help me and its hard, going from being a selfish teenager to a completely devoted mother. He's worth it though." I rock Elijah some more as I speak and then look up at Sue, her smile has slipped a little. Had become harder, thinner, like it was a strain to now have it on her face.

"What?" I say confused, Sue just sighs. Like she was ashamed of herself for smiling . She rubbed her forehead and I could see the frown that had replaced her smile.

"Edward, you need to tell her." Her voice was completely deadpan. No enthusiasm or sweetness to give me any reassurance. I've had a lot of experience on staying calm. Usually my mind would wonder to the worst scenario but now I was calm. I was not going to get overwhelmed. Dad came from the kitchen and sat on the other side of me so that I was now squished in between both Sue and Edward.

"Tell me what?"

"Just before I tell you, please try to keep an open mind okay?"

"Okay." I say a little irritated, just get on with it for God's sake.

"I'm needed back in England, back in London! The hospital here in Seattle wants to transfer me back. I would get more money Ness. I'd be set for life, best of all you could visit all the time, you could even move over permanently." That little twang of enthusiasm in his voice made me laugh out loud.

"You're kidding right? You said no right?" I look at him but his frown didn't disappear, he didn't crack a smile and start laughing. He didn't joke with me saying that it was all a big joke. He just looked at me blankly. Every thing was just two damn quiet. I look from him to Sue, turning in the position i was in.

"Seriously, you're fucking joking right? You're not about to move to England and leave me again, I know you're not Edward." I say bitterly, as I grit my teeth slightly. I stand up as I realize neither of them are going to talk. I go around the table so that I was looking at both of them, tears were forming in my eyes.

"So that's it is it? You're going to pack up and go? You're going back to London and leaving me again? You're going to leave like it was nothing? Well fuck you. Fuck you Edward." I say in quiet anger.

"How long have you know?" Seething, I place Elijah in his car seat which had been placed on the floor next to the table, I leave him resting peacefully and then straighten back up, looking at both of them.

"I, uh, not for very long." He fumble's a little with his words. Sue's hand moves slightly and covers his. She give's his hand a small sqeaze. I frown at her with distaste.

"And i suppose you're going as well right? You're going to go with him and play happy family I laugh bitterly, feeling the anger radiate out of me.

"I was planning on it, yes." She looked so strong, so indpendant, like she was certain this was what she wanted. This made me laugh out even more.

"You're not a teenager running away with her lover for God's sake. You're a grown woman. For the love of God you haven't even been together for a year and you're already willing to drop everything and run off with him. Please, you're a grown woman, have a little dignity. It just makes you look desperate you pathetic whore." I say digusted. I had balled my hands up and they were making fists, although they probably couldn't see them as they were still crossed over my chest. The skin on my nuckles ached. but it was a good pain. It remineded me of how angry I was. I look at their faces. I see how Sue's mouth had dropped open and how there were tears in her eyes. My eyes shift over to Edwards face. It was twisted in anger, I could see that he was clenthcing his teeth, just like I do. His nose was flaring slightly.

"How dare you." his voice was so clear that it suprised me.

"How dare I?" I say shocked as I point a finger at myself. "I'm not worth more than some Job, is that what you're saying? You missed sixteen years of my life because you were selfish and now you're doing it again ? Why would you do that? I've only just started to accept you, only just started feeling comfortable, i've only just started loving you Edward. You're my dad and I've accepted you as that. Are you really willing to give all of that up?" I look at him, shaking a little. When he didn't speak I saw that his decision is clear. I look away and look out the giant window that was on the far wall. I let the pain flood in. I don't want him to leave. He's a huge part of my life now, i depend on him. I need him. Just like Elijah needs me. Just like a daughter needs her father.

"I see." I say calmly. Edward's mouth opened and closed, but no words came out. Finally he just decides that defending himself wasn't worth it. Smoothly i walk over to the coat rack that was by the door and I take my large winter coat. I slip it on and walk lightly into my room. I shuffle through a few of Elijah's draws until i come across a blanket that would keep him warm and comfy. I walk into the living room again and then place the blanket over him, tucking it in at the edges. Finally I muster up the courage to look at both of them.

"Well okay. Good luck with your life, where ever it may take you. Don't try to come and see me or contact me while you're packing or whatever. I don't want too see you again. You've broken me again, I hope you're very happy. I should let you know that I won't be letting you near my son either. All you'll do is disapoint. I don't want to let him make the mistake I did. You won't be in his life and i certainly won't be letting you back into mine. All you've done is hurt me, I let you in and you throw it back in my face. Yet again, you're choosing yourself over me, your only fucking daughter." I pick up Elijah's seat and then grab my car keys that were in the dish on the table. Edward had stood up but still hadn't spoke. Sue stood with him and I look at her, Resentment bloosoming inside of me.

"Ness, you're being unreasoonable and you know it." she said hopelessly.

"You do not get to speak." I look at Edward one last time, willing him to talk.

"Renesmee please, just, just give me some time to explain how good this could be for all of us. I'm doing this for you! For him, don't do something wreckless."

"What else have you got to explain? You're doing what you did to mom to me. You're going to leave when I need you the most because you're selfish. There's no advantages for me or Elijah in this. We don't get so see you, he wont be able to grow up with you around and most of all we don't get your support or love. You get to live the life, you get the money, the girl the high life. Well good for you, but while you do that, your grandson will grow up hating you." I mutter, hostility sprouting from my words.

"Please Ness, you cant do this! Don't make him suffer." He pleaded. he came over to me and extened his arm, putting his had on my arm and giving it a little sqeaze. I pull away from him, letting the tears spill. Our eyes, those same damn eyes, both sets had tears streaming out of them. For one second i felt sorry for him, I felt like I was being unreasonable, but then I look down at Elijah and the anger same rushing back.

"I'm not making him suffer, you're the one doing that. It's what you're good at after all." I spit at him.I walked to the door and swung it open. I got half way down the hall way before I realized that he wasn't following me. He wasn't going to follow me. He wasn't going to come after me apologising. He'd made his choice. I cry as I stomp over to the elevator and slam the down button on the control pad. I gently rock my body to ensure that Elijah stayed asleep. As the doors open I step in and sob into my free hand, as I look up I see Edward rushing forward, just as the doors close. My hand falls to where my pain ridden heart was beating. I want it to stop. For god sake make it stop, take the pain away.

I look down at Elijah to check on him. He was blissfully asleep, he had no clue that everything was going to change around him. He had no idea that this would impact him and he would never even remember it. I wipe my nose as the door slides open and then storm out in a silent rage. What the hell was he thinking? I've just had a baby for god's sake. I'm scared and vaulnerable, i need help and support and he thinks it's a good time to pack up and just leave. How much more stupid could one person really get?

I press the unlock button on my key and the car lights flash to show that its open. I place Eli's car seat in the back seat and strap him in, taking extra care to strap him in just like how Edward had showed me. I close the door softly so that it doesn't wake him and then get into the drivers seat. Taking a minute to calm down, I take in some deep breaths and will myself to get my shit together. Elijah doesn't need both parents in hospital. As I put the car in reverse and start to pull out, I see a figure sprinting towards the back of my car. I slam on the breaks and joult forward, my seat belt just saving me from smashing my head on the stearing wheel. I look the doors instinctivly as I see Edward come to the drivers window. He start slaming it desperately and I could hear his shouts telling me to stop. Telling me to listen to him. Tought shit. I continue to back out and then put the car in drive, I continue out of the parking lot and make my way onto the main road and then drive. I wish I could go see Jake. I wish I could see him and hug him and kiss him. He would take the pain away, but he can't, because he's in a damn hospital and here I am driving around with no clue where I was going to go. Or maybe I did! I take a turn and realize that I had driven to moms. Parking outside, I rush to get Elijah out and then walk uneasily to the door, I bang and bang but no one answers. I curse myself for not having the house key on me and then look up. Moms light was on so she must be home.

Just as I start to panic and just as Elijah starts to scream, the door swings open. Mom stood there wearing a small silk nightgown, worry lines all over her face. I look past her and see that James was coming down the stairs in a rush, in just his underwear. His eyes widen as he see's me and then he looks down at himself. Slowly he starts to climb back up the stairs backwards as I enter the house.

"Ness you're supposed to be at your dads tonight." She says as she closes the door behind me.

"Did you know?" I question her slowly. She pushes her lip into a hard line, making it obvious that she did know. I turn around and head into the livingroom. Eli was still screaming so I set down his car seat and take him out, cuddling him against my chest. Mom follows me in silently.

"He wanted to tell you himself sweetheart." She sits down on the edge of the sofa and sets her soft gaze on me. I sniff and nod then wipe my nose in my shoulder, begging the tears not to start up again.

"But you don't agree with what he's doing right? you don't think its right." Again she didn't say anything and instead just stares at me.

"mom." I urge, willing her to speak. She sighs.

"I just, I think that he should do what he feels is best. It'll be an amazing opportunity for him and for you, you'll be set for college sweetie. He'll still be in your life, he loves you sweetie. He'll still be here for you. Just because he's over in England doesn't mean that he wont be any less part of your life than he is now. He got to meet you Ness and you accepted him, but his life doesn't just stop because of you baby." I want to laugh at her, I've done a lot of laughing tonight. It's completely ironic how she has held it against him for sixteen years that he left her. But when he's going to do it to me, she's completely fine with it.

"How can you sit there and be okay with this? he's doing what he did to you, to me!" I utter in complete disgust.

"Because he's not leaving you and never returning Renesmee, he's still going to be in your life. Baby he's doing this for you as well." She was trying to make me feel bad, and it was working. Turning and leaving the room, I sulk up the stairs and then slam the door to my new bedroom. Cursing I remember that I had no milk ready for Elijah, so I place him in his crib and turn on the musical toys that had been pinned to his crib. In complete anguish I take the breast pump from the shelf and then start the process. He was going to get hungry during the night so I might as well be prepared for it now. I sit at my desk and wait as the pump does it's job.

Surely not everyone agreeded with what Edward was doing for Christ's sake. He was about to rip my family apart again. How does someone manage that and be able to carry on with their decision? it really doesnt make sense. It doesn't matter if Elijah's three or thirty my life will evolve around him forever and no matter what, I will alway be close by because a child needs their parent no matter their age. I would never think of Just packing up and leaving Elijah with Jake for a fucking job. I would never just leave him, especially in his time of need. I'd never forgive myself and I have no idea how any loving parent could muster up the courage to do so. After the breast pump had served it's purpose I put the milk into some bottles and then put them in the mini fridge that I had in my room. Biting my tounge I then take the brest pump down stairs and clean it apropriatly.

"Don't be mad at me Renesmee." Mom sighs as she comes into the kitchen. She pulls up a chair that was sqeezed around the small round kitchen table and sits down.

"I'm not mad at you, It sort of pisses me off how you think it's okay for a parent to just get up and go." I mutter as I finish cleaning the breast pump parts. I dry them and then set them on the counter.

"It would mean more money, a better-"

"His job here is fine, he earns pleanty! I mean it suits his life style pretty damn well. All this shit about me being set for College is total bull, he has more than enough money to support me through college! how stupid do you think I am?" I question her, hard humor in my voice. Once again she doesn't talk, so I just go back up to my room. Elijah was asleep again, I guess Edward had fed him before I had got to his place. Even so It sort of worries me that he sleeps so much. I slip into bed and then turn the light off. I snuggle up as I wrap the duvet around myself. Oh how I wish that Jake was here.


End file.
